Accountability in Music • Page 28

I mean, I'm not advocating for people bothering her, I had never contacted her and she literally came to bother me (and others) when we weren't asking anything. I do believe she's an enabler and a big hypocrite though and I won't let her off just because she's a woman. she was also super weird in a cissexist way to my friend who's trans, like me, so I find it hard to sympathise with her empty ass feminism. However, I think J Lacey is a manipulator and she's definitely under his grip, so it's all eh.

 

I mean, if she didn't want me to reply to her maybe she shouldn't have randomly contacted me to try and debate me when I was living my life just fine without her in it. I don't really get why you're defending her here.

 

that does complicate the situation but I do feel bad for her still. her husband and personal life being blasted across publicly, she’s pretty much been shamed as well and her life will never be the same. I get her frustration and while she shouldn’t have contacted anyone I’m sure her life is still constantly a mess these days trying to deal with everything here.

saw your post while I was writing this up, yeah that’s pretty fucked. it’s all just a shitty situation everywhere and while obviously that’s gross of what she did its still a super tough situation. don’t want her to get extra leeway for gross behavior obviously.

 

apologies for any assumptions there about the situation but yeah. I do feel for her for parts

 

i didn’t have all the information. sorry. i had only seen in the past a bunch of people going after her, which seemed weird considering it was over her husband’s actions. i didn’t realize she was actively searching people out too. apologies, my bad.

 

Nelly Faces Two New Accusations of Sexual Assault

 

Matt Mondanile Addresses Sexual Misconduct Allegations In New Statement

 

real bad. don't do that.

 

I, I, I, I, me, me, me do these guys ever say anything else.

 

I actually had high hopes given how it started, but once we devolve into “I never considered myself a misogynist or sexual predator and it really hurt my feelings that my friends didn’t want to talk to me because of my behavior” I just can’t. No mention of victims other than callously admitting to caring so little he couldn’t possibly remember them. Apologizing to Julia is well and good but then using his others ex girlfriends as shields and character witnesses in the next breath? Cmon. Keep at the therapy, Matt.

 

wish i could find the tweet i reference a lot which was basically like "if your apology is more than a paragraph you've made it about yourself"

 

I disagree with this pretty vehemently. Especially when directly apologizing and in discussions of restorative justice. Tying anything to "length" of a statement is just backwards and literally misses the point.

 

And the fact that he kept saying "public shaming" made it real obvious he just wants people to feel sorry for him. Awful.

 

If you make it about you and how you were wronged, then you learned nothing.

 

the point of the tweet was that in general men who continue to go on and on in their apology make it about themselves. see: evan from pinegrove. see: this statement. see: many other ones. especially in the case of something like evan's, there was no need to keep going. generally long statements devolve into trying to convince others that this isn't the kind of person you are, revealing too much information, or victim blaming. get to the point, apologize for your actions, and spend some time self-reflecting, and make it up to the victims in whatever way is necessary.

there is a way to make a long statement without doing these things, but history shows that rarely happens

 

The issue is people going on about themselves, not the length of a statement.

 

hey i found the tweet

 

I vehemently disagree. The issue isn’t the length, it’s the content.

A three hundred word bad apology isn’t better than a 6,000 word great one. It’s the content not some arbitrary character count.

 

all i'm saying and all the tweet says is that the longer the content the more likely it is that these men will veer off into saying unnecessary and self-focused statements. the vast majority of the time it is unnecessary to need to go for that long. the length isn't what makes it bad, however it's generally a decent sign of someone who doesn't get it.

leaving this at that, let's stop taking over this thread

 

The issue is the content not some arbitrary length. Don’t promote length as a litmus test. Promote good well thought out apologies. Promote learning and healing and contrition. Tying any of that to length misses the entire point.

And no that is not a sign someone doesn’t get it. No no no. This is fucking wrong.

 

"how much money do I have to give 4 this to go away pls tell me"

 

casey just bc you find a tweet from someone who agrees with you doesn’t mean it’s a closed case and that’s the way to go my dude. i generally prefer shorter apologies. hell, most apologies should ideally state that the person reached out to the victim privately and that’s it. but if the apology covers all the right bases and is sincere, who cares what the length is. probably the best apology in any medium in this recent climate has been dan harmon’s and that was an 8 minute podcast rant lol. that shit is arbitrary and doesn’t make a god damn difference.

 

except I’m not saying length is the defining trait, I’m just saying more often men who make long apologies make it about themselves. Especially abusive men who rarely get it.

 

you said specifically that the longer it is the more likely it is to be self-serving. i gave an exact example of probably the best, and one of the only, pure apologies that was long as hell. what are you talking about