Master of None (Aziz Ansari, Netflix) TV Show • Page 20

I was taught abstinence and I vaguely remember the word consent being tossed around once or twice. I graduated with a kid who became a sex offender right out of high school and another who dropped out because of rape allegations

 

Honestly, thinking back to mine it sex ed was basically, "these are your parts. this is what happens when you use them. STD's happen if you're not safe". There really wasn't much discussion around consent or abuse. Mostly just an anatomy lecture.

 

My sex ed class (which is a portion of a mandatory health class in high school) was great honestly. My teacher was very open about everything, answered everyone’s questions and explained consent very thoroughly. She even said stuff to seniors in the class that it’s wrong to date freshmen and all that

 

Our sex education was pretty shit (and I could list off several reasons why), but I still understood consent. I'd say "well I guess that means I had good parents," but hey, Aziz talks at length about how much he loves his parents. He features them in his show. For me there is no excuse. He's a grown man. Even if the system has taught him that his behavior is acceptable, there is a part of these men that knows deep down what they're doing is wrong and they actively choose to ignore it. I don't know.

 

We got none of that that I remember either.

We got a lot of "no means no" ... but that was basically the extent of the conversation: "no means no." Oh, and don't trust condoms, they break/aren't as effective as you think. I remember that class too. Went home and my parents were like "wtf?" and we had an awkward conversation.

Mine woulda been '98-'01.

 

This was mine as well

 

I don't remember consent being taught, my mom taught my sisters to be on alert but I don't think men are taught what consent is

 

sex ed was preetttttttttyy minimum in catholic school, which is super problematic. it was more STD stuff and knowing how to apply a condom should you decide to rebel against the church pre-marriage.

 

I don't specifically ever remember an adult teaching me about consent. As Jason said earlier, I was taught "no means no" but in the wide spectrum of when someone says no you should not do it, never specifically applied to sexual encounters.

I never ever thought until recently how little I was taught about how to approach sexual situations when the time came.

 

Sex Ed definitely shouldn't be up to the teacher/school/parent , that should definitely be standardized

 

I definitely got "no means no" at some point too. While the intention behind it is good, I can see how that type of binary language gives men an out by thinking "well, they should have said no or stop if they didn't want to".

 

"Boys will be boys" culture starts long before they reach sex ed. They need to introduce the concept of respect to boys sooner than 15-16.

 

I also remember going to college in California and them talking at orientation about how someone "can't give consent if they're drunk," but they never defined at what level of intoxication/what to do/what to look for/how to act/what informed/yes/consent looked like, they just said that and were like "ok, here's free condoms."

 

Yeah toxic masculinity starts at like 4 or 5 maybe earlier, it was definitely tough growing up and not being particularly masc

 

My girlfriend took a course last semester on sexual psychology I believe? It had one week where they devoted to discussing consent. Unfortunately that class wasn’t required and people in college should already know those things

 

In college we were forced to go to consent ed seminars to register for our next semester of classes, so at least they were trying.

I remember they were going to show a very triggering video, so they warned everybody, built up the hype, and then Youtube threw a 15-second Wendy's Premium North Pacific Cod Filet commercial in front of it.

 

Oh yeah, I 100 percent feel you there and still struggle with that a lot.

 

Yeah, I totally hate my username now. Reading through people's sex education experiences here, I can also echo that it was basically "don't force yourself on anyone." I always got the impression that the teacher was just as uncomfortable talking with us about sex as we were hearing about it.

My fear is that, concerning people in my generation (I'm about the same age as Ansar), it truly may not register in the moment that their aggressive tactics are horrible ways to approach someone. I'm not excusing it, I'm just kind of throwing it out there as something to truly think about. I can recall conversations with friends during high school or college where they talked about a sexual encounter that basically sounded like they really, really had to wear the poor girl down for sex. For me, I was always far too shy and was nervous about even kissing a girl. If my personality/unbringing was a bit different, I would've likely been one of the nice, but pushy, guys.

The whole "hard to get" description about women is something I've grown up hearing about constantly, both in the entertainment world and in the real life dating world. It's something that has got to stop. It's revealing itself to be quite dangerous.

 

It sounds silly, but I think a lot of people should rewatch the first Rocky. I recently did, and the encounter that Rocky has with Adriane at the apartment is really creepy. It's like a textbook version of a guy getting away with coercion just because he's more of an extrovert and she an introvert. It's like the whole, "she wants it, she just doesn't quite know it" approach. She seems super uncomfortable with his advances, but he kept insisting, over and over. It's really a rough watch when viewed in light of stories like this one.

 

Didn't this asshat write a book about dating? WTF?!?!

 

He did. I bought on audible, but haven't listened to it. Time to get that credit back.

 

I'll echo this sentiment as well. I was extremely shy growing up to the point that I was so quiet that some of my friends later told me that before we became friends they thought I was "stuck up" because I just never talked to anyone new. The reality was I was a skinny, non-athletic, timid kid who was terrified of opening my mouth and inserting my foot because I was bullied mercilessly by the popular kids. I just didn't want to be made fun of so I sat in silence until a friend got me to open up.

Maybe that had a hand in my interaction with women. When I first started dating my wife, she always had to tell me "you know it's okay if you do this or that, right? I won't be upset, I want you to do it." I was constantly asking for permission to do anything because I wanted to be sure she was okay with it. A big part of it is that my parents got divorced when I was a kid and I lived with my mom and two sisters. My mom is my hero and I've always been sensitive. I'll never forget the moment I had "the talk" with her. A friend in elementary school told me you can have sex standing up and I didn't know if I believed her. So I went home, approached my mom in the bathroom and awkwardly fumbled my way to the question. Without skipping a beat, my mother knelt to my height and gently broke it down for me. I remember feeling calm, like I'd been heard and it was okay.

 

Sounds like you have a great mother. If I'm ever a parent, I am going to make it a point to be very frank about sexual matters. Obviously, I'll exercise caution and give age appropriate talks, but sex doesn't have to be some horrible taboo subject. I feel like that's part of the problem as well, especially in certain religion families/regions. I felt super awkward and shame about sex when I was growing up, and I attribute that to the brand of Christianity I experienced.

 

Anecdotally as the father of an 11-month old daughter, it's terrifying how quickly some people want to enforce gender sterotypes on infants. I hadn't appreciated how pervasive it all is until I became a parent.