Accountability in Music • Page 12

I don't ever condone cheating either but it's one of those things I would need to put into context before using it in addition to other things I know about a person and using it as part of my own judgment of them.

 

Maybe I shouldn't, but I definitely judge hard on people who cheat. I think it's one of the worst things you can do to someone (other than obvious physical assault or abuse). It's the ultimate level of disregard and disrespect of another person and their feelings (who you're seemingly supposed to love and care about). It shows an extreme lack of integrity and character while being absolutely insanely selfish.

If you want to sleep around, then simply break things off with your S/O.

 

cheating is absolutely a form of emotional abuse

 

the person who made the accusations about chase/evan made a post in the news post, in case anyone wants more info

 

Thanks for pointing that out to me.

Evan is trying to save his career and he's falling flat on this face.

 

Yeah, it’s hard for me to get behind Evan and his statement when he seems to be feeding mistruths to those who reach out to him. Yikes.

 

As I said above - confirms everything I've been told about him. Shitty person who will use anyone and everything to further himself.

 

Positions of power do some real shitty things to people.

 

And, on top of it, he's doing it all in private. He's lying. He's producing his own narrative.

 

Cheating is like every other way you can be shitty to someone: it's only a mistake once. After that, it's deliberate emotional abuse, and depending on the situation it is sexual abuse as well. (Example: long term couples tend to have unprotected sex. If you cheat on someone you have unprotected sex with, that's sexual abuse that can have lasting consequences.)

That said: it's a really, REALLY serious betrayal, even if it's a "mistake" that never repeats. And for folks who have been cheated on before, it's incredibly hard to forgive or to even see the grey area.

 

Not to mention, for the person who has been cheated on, I'm sure it has long lasting traumatic effects such as serious trust/boundary issues for future relationships with others.

 

Yeah, I wasn't trying to say it's not shitty. That may have come across like that and I didn't mean it.

 

I don't think anyone is saying bands should be boycotted or disregarded because a member cheats on their s/o. Trying to pin that down as some sort of "Gotcha" moment is shitty. As plenty of people have said before, if someone is a dickhead or a creep or an asshole and you get bad vibes from them, don't support them. Don't go to their shows. etc. etc. etc.

 

I think more importantly, you need to think these things matter. Maybe a guy cheating isn't that big a deal, but saying actions outside of a music setting has no impact on a working relationship is a big deal. Recognizing that these things are real and can become issues even if they may seem like "not a big deal" or "kind of shitty but really just a grey area" is important to ending the acceptance of huge problems when they come to light. The argument that you shouldn't care, its not that big deal is the same whether applied to an asshole or an actual assaulter/abuser.

 

To each their own. At best, I consider repetitive cheating to be evidence of a complete lack of integrity. At worst, it's horribly abusive. Either way, that's not somebody I want to work with/support and I'd never judge somebody for feeling similarly.

I'm not going to split hairs about whether or not repeat offenders re: infidelity are automatically bad people or not. That's too subjective. But I'm completely comfortable dying on the hill that they're not the kind of people I feel like investing time, money or trust in.

EDIT: Also: serial cheaters are abusers. If the situation isn't abusive - meaning all partners involved are willingly consenting and aware of what's happening - that's called polyamory or an open relationship and is something else entirely.

 

Yeah I'm on board with what you're saying. I was pointing out that a few posters are using that side of the argument to say that "call out culture" and "witch hunts" or whatever are happening, which is not the case. No one is calling for bands to break up if a guitarist cheats on their spouse. Cheating, as a whole, is emotionally abusive and a shitty thing to do. If you don't want to support/interact with someone because you've heard stories about them being a cheater/creepy/emotionally abusive in any way, I don't see why people would have a problem with it.

 

This argument seems like a "slippery slope", akin to calling weed a gateway drug. Cheating is shitty, but in my mind there is a well defined line between it and sexual misconduct--or other huge problems that would warrant the severing of business relationships.

Ultimately, cheating is an enormous betrayal of trust, so if you've been cheated on, it's so personal it can inflate the scope of the issue--I know it did for me. But after gaining some perspective and moving on, it just doesn't fall under the same category as many of things we've seen come to light in the music industry.

 

Again, feel how you feel. But for a lot of people - many, many of whom are women - cheating and the rest of the psychological/sexual warfare we've experienced at the hands of partners in this industry are inexorably linked.

Serial cheating is abusive and is almost always accompanied by gaslighting, destruction of self/ability to trust, transmitting of STDs, or in many cases, much much worse (actual assault/violence). It very rarely exists in a vacuum (note: I'm not saying it can't, merely that it often does not) and it would have to in order to honestly separate it point-blank from other forms of abuse.

There are instances where it's just an incredibly cruel mistake that people make. But it speaks volumes to a person's integrity if it's a mistake they're willing to make more than once at somebody else's expense.

 

I was cheated on years ago, not a great feeling.. definitely took a long time to heal. I made the mistake of getting back together with the person and we got engaged.. she ended up leaving me for person who was going to be my best man.. really messed up stuff but I don't consider anything that happened to me emotional abuse or anything. maybe I should lol.took a while before I could trust in relationships and even friendships again.

 

Fair enough. I was speaking out of my experience of being cheated on. In that case, the cheating did occur in a vacuum. But I understand what you're saying.

 

nvm i see its been discussed carry on lads

 

That's horrible! I hope you've been able to fully recover from this.

 

Something about her always irked me. How she's far more popular than Meg Myers is beyond me, who is (imo) much better musically and as a person.

 

Could it be her sexualization of babies? Cause that’s what did it for me

 

That and the only song I know of hers blatantly rips off a classic oldies song haha