Where I’m at Right Now

Good post. How can I go about changing my username?

 

PM me with what you'd like it to be changed to. I'll change any BN related usernames for free this week.

/May take me a little time to get to it, but I will do it.

 

Thank you for posting this Jason I missed it so will read now and yeah pm'd you about changing mine too. Thanks again.

 

It feels good being able to go a site where a lot of people feel the same about this situation. None of my friends are going to stop listening to the band and it started to make me feel as if I was being too sensitive, so seeing that there actually is a wide group of people doing the same is comforting.

 

Thank you, Jason, for being so candid about your personal feelings about a band I know meant so much to you. That last line you wrote is helping me contextualize the conflicting feelings I’ve had in the wake of all of this.

 

This makes me think about the post I made about Pete Wentz in the other Jesse Lacey thread where he's seemed to get a pass for a decade now. You twice correctly called people weirdos who were calling Jesse's actions "mistakes" because the girl was 15. Do you feel differently now about Pete and Fallout Boy at this point since he did the same thing (or worse) with a 15 year old? People have known about his actions for a long time, but I haven't read much at all about people boycotting that band. Does that change now with all these other revolations coming out or does it stay the same? I really have no idea.

 

Listened to some of their songs today and you're right, the memories were there but it just felt tainted. I feel so sorry for those affected by his actions, and feel bad for those in this community who lost a hero. I would be surprised to see the band carry on after this. Whether they do or not, it will take me quite some time to truly sort through my emotions regarding this situation, but I won't view Brand New the same.

 

We sent a message to Jeanae something like 5(?) years ago or so, at that time she insisted she was not underage when she and Pete dated and didn't want to be used in anyway, she wanted to be left alone. Public records I could find put her age at 17-18 when they started dating. (Roughly 2004, she was born in '87.) If other information comes up, I'll be glad to revisit, but that's what I've been able to find.

 

This is helpful- thanks for posting. Marc Maron gave a really honest/insightful take on the situation with his friend Louis CK on his podcast this morning as well. Definitely worth a listen.

 

My first reaction to all this was to leave Brand New behind entirely. But today I'm thinking about listening to their albums again, for the first time having an idea that many lyrics might be influenced by some terrible stuff Jesse did. I'm actually kind of afraid to do it.

In a way I think it might be good to take a second look at some of these lyrics like "Jesus Christ, that’s a pretty face, The kind you’d find on someone that could save" and feel properly disgusted and betrayed. For me, at least, I think it might help me process this situation and recalibrate the way I've always thought about this band, these songs, and Jesse Lacey himself in my mind.

 

Jason, I know you were just "thinking aloud" but this is one of the best things I've ever read on this site.

Brand New is right up my alley stylistically, but their stuff has always depressed me too much to really latch onto them. But even then so many artists I love and my closest friends have all been deeply inspired by their work, not to mention this site and all the recent hype around Science Fiction, so I feel the pain from this and had a pretty restless night myself.

To look at a situation like this and right off the bat say you're done with a band that's meant so much takes a lot of strength. I can imagine the pain I'd feel if something had come out about Stephen Christian before Anberlin called it quits. Or Aaron Weiss. Or Dustin Kensrue. I can imagine I would also try to do everything to minimize the situation so my memories aren't tainted... I hope I would be able to admit the truth. I'm not sure. I'm sure it would be easy to grow numb to it if I didn't catch myself.

It's also really encouraging to be reminded that the things we saw in Brand New aren't exclusive to Brand New. It's bigger than them and one band's tarnished legacy can't diminish all the incredible music out there that resonates just as loudly, if not louder (and on that note, Julien Baker's new album isn't getting old any time soon).

I hope this could be an encouragement. I don't think any of this would hit me as hard if I didn't feel so connected to Chorus.fm/AbsolutePunk.net. This sucks so bad, but I'm so happy to see clarity in the middle of it from people who are hurting way worse. And even then, sacrificing the joy of some of those memories is far less painful compared to the real issues out there brought to light by situations like this. It puts even life's greatest disappointments into perspective.

 

thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jason. I've always admired your stance on things and it felt like you taking time to gather your feelings gave us the go ahead to as well, which I desperately needed. I even deactivated my facebook because I just felt so much pressure from everyone around me (not to mention the multiple brand new groups I'm in becoming toxic) to make a statement of some sort. It felt like everyone was looking to me because not only am I the girl who loves brand new (and have a deja tattoo) but I'm the girl who's outspokenly feminist. It's really nice to feel understood about needing a lot of time and thought and conversations in order to fully realize how you feel about this whole thing.

 

In regards to all of the stuff coming out recently, everyone should go watch s02e07 of BoJack Horseman (Hank After Dark)

 

Jesse Lacey's (and others) digressions seem to (pending further accusations) be from quite a long time ago. What he did is 100% unforgivable, but I hope to think he is a different man now. I hope he is beyond that stage in his life and ashamed of everything he did. Is there no reference because of how long ago this was? We all loved the music while this was going on.

I think I actually reject this hypothesis, because I'd like to think that he would have come forward during one of their many hiatuses and have been honest about these moments rather than trying to hide from them. Releasing a statement after an allegation is just so much worse to me, because it looks like you are hoping to escape without anyone finding out.

If he had come out in 2008 before Daisy and said "look, I want to let everyone know that..." and apologized, taken a major stance or financial investment in these positive women's movements, I wonder how that would have been received and if we could have moved into a new phase, post-idolization, of Brand New and Jesse Lacey.

I am just so disappointed. The irony is that many of us get drawn to this kind of music because we are romantics, we're introverts, we struggle with women, we are shy around them, and we are trying to identify with music that says as much. We hate the assholes who prey on women because they are on the football team, drive a nice car, and listen to shitty top 40 music. And that's what our idols have become, or, in the case of Jesse Lacey, became.

 

2008? no one cared about this stuff in 2008. that's when this shit was running it's most rampant practically.