Brand New - Science Fiction (August 17, 2017) [ARCHIVED] Album • Page 1610

i absolutely guarantee that i would not be alive today if it wasn't for these two artists. i'm totally aware of how much of a hypocrite i am for continuing to listen to these bands and denouncing other artists for committing less heinous crimes, but fuck..

 

i honestly dont mean this is ammunition for an argument, this is a sincere question. so please dont burn me at the stake here. im seeing a lot of people saying "terrible statement, you need to apologize to the victims" and im not saying i disagree with that statement, he DOES need to apologize to the victims, 110000000%... he did say in the last paragraph that his statement doesnt mean people should forgive him, and it doesnt mean this is all over. do you really think he isnt going to try to reach out to these individuals? does him reaching out to individual victims need to be a public thing?

again, honest question that i do NOT have the answer to.

 

2 and a half years ago I went through an extremely rough break up involving an emotionally abusive relationship. I was depressed, angry and alone and suicidal. I momentarily quit music because she said that no one would ever like my songs and I believed it.
Two weeks later I was still feeling all the pain and I impulse drove to see Brand New. That night they debuted Sealed to Me and everything just clicked, I felt better. The very next morning I recorded a demo of a song that was getting out all my terrible feelings and two days later that song played on the radio.

I feel sick and disappointed that stories like that will be tainted forever.

 

Nicole's story made me sick. Then a day passed and his statement was released and my anger subsided slightly. Then this new story pops up and I think i'm gonna snap. Fuck this guy. I can't believe that statement was released with the hopes they can continue on as plan. Cancel your fucking tour, call it quits. I don't wanna hear from this guy again.

 

I think people just feel their intelligence is being insulted, absolutely privately is the best way all this should be handled.... thats where the disingenuous nature of the public conscious comes in.... but people feel entitled to "being in on it" now. Which is wrong. That said, famous folks can't coast on not owning faults anymore... right or wrong the world can learn anything it wants to now... so to an extent a public eating crow is almost always expected now.

Not saying its right or wrong, but very little is private now. Esp if youre famous.

edit* reply to @KennedyBN

 

I agree the victim should be addressed personally... but I feel like the window for that expired years ago. I've seen this with friends of mine where just the sight of their absuer's name puts them in a state of panic and uneasiness. Sometimes just seeing someone's name pop up on a phone could bring back a slew of shit you didn't want to revisit. I think that's a tough call, and something he should've done a long time ago, that probably would've also helped with his own conscious.

 

https://forum.chorus.fm/posts/1508626

Another person had heard about stories with a different friend in high school about Jesse. (I’ve known Nicole since early early AP days.)

 

thank you for the response to my question but i just want to clarify that i didnt state that as my opinion, purely asking. unless the agree part was towards the other post, then my b

 

The new allegation just threw me through a new fucking loop. Had a long talk with my wife about it and I still have no idea how to process any of this.

 

I’ve been thinking about this a lot tonight because of memories I have associated with music as well. They may be tainted to some degree but they’re still your memories. Your feelings at a time when you didn’t know any of this. You still get those and that happiness. I’m holding on to those moments even if looking back I see a cloud above them now, they’re still mine.

 

when theres 1 theres rarely only 1, especially when I heard it was over years... yeah... I knew it was a wrap.

 

It's weird that people say "he should speak and work it out with the victim privately" and then also demand a public statement. As far as these go I thought the statement was well done and seemed to take responsibility and understand that no one should forgive him. I was kind of mad that some parts of it seemed like hiding behind sex addiction. As far as new allegations I don't know that they change anything really to me. A lot of talk was that there are multiple victims so it's not surprising I guess to me

 

I was in part responding to where you said "he DOES need to apologize to the victims," but it was also me just making a general statement since other people have brought it up. I think it's a weird topic... and it all depends on how the specific victim would handle it, which is obviously not an easy situation to read.

 

How does one even go about apologizing about something so horrendous? Forgiveness is likely off the table. I'm not saying he shouldn't apologize, but that's a rock and a hard place that can go in a numerous amount of directions that I can't even begin to fathom

 

From the way the women who came forward have spoken about the incidents, whatever self-reflection and healing Jesse might have attempted for himself, he clearly did not resolve or apologize or reach out or attempt to make right in any way what he did to them. Manipulating and abusing underage women over the course of years. The only label he provides for his actions is sex addiction, while admitting to being unfaithful to his wife. If someone reads his statement without having seen the initial accusations, which is entirely probable because his platform is far larger than theirs, they could come away from this thinking that infidelity and sex addiction was all this was. That is not the case. Jesse failed countless people and certainly seems to know that, but in terms of providing the actions he admits he needs to provide to provide healing for all involved, the women, his family, his band, the fans, there is an extremely long road ahead that I hope is realized.

 

His statement is a crock of shit at this point after reading the new allegations. Much worse than a sex addict and overall he is a disgusting human being. I don't care what your opinion is on his music, the guy is obviously a terrible person and doesn't deserve the platform he has. If you support him maintaining his platform I have to question your moral compass at this point. I could care less if you still listen to his music.

 

I think the best course probably would have come from the time he was in therapy and had trained professionals helping him. They are well-versed in figuring out the best ways to go about such difficult things and making suggestions based on actually knowing the person. I'm not a therapist but I am sure there would have been ways to initiate contact in a sensitive and safe manner where any victim would be able to decide if they wanted to participate at all and if so how they would feel comfortable hearing it. I don't think anyone is suggesting he should personally call her up and try to talk or that direct contact has ever been the best way for him to make amends. Still, it's clear from the post yesterday and the fact that she has been saying this online for at least a year that she doesn't feel like any closure has come from it, and that's the worst part. The new comment points to a similar feeling of wanting an apology or for him to own up personally. From his statement it seems like he considers it in the past and that he has opened up to those he cares about so HE can move on, but that leaves these women out of the process ENTIRELY, and they are the ones who need the healing more than absolutely anyone.

 

As far as his statement goes, I feel like it’s about as “good” as it can be. However, one would think that after seeking help and going to therapy, he would have reached out to his victims and apologized for his actions. He didn’t and I take issue with that. Personally, I wouldn’t think it’s even possible to grow authentically without doing so, not to mention the fact that you are restricting your victims from growth and any sense of closure.

Additionally, as someone who has been in relationships with those who demonstrated narcissistic tendencies, I know for a fact that once a narcissist is done with you, they are done. No contact. Goodbye. You’re not even human. So, these statements about years of manipulation and then radio silence...it sadly does not surprise me one bit.

 

My Science Fiction vinyl will probably arrive this week. Something that was once so joyful not so long ago will never be the same. I'm disgusted and so disappointed. I just hope the survivors find some peace and can heal

 

I should note that while I think the statement is pretty good there's no way that I'm just going to now think that everything is fine. I like many am struggling with how to feel about the music. Like Jason has said it's still early to process that aspect of the situation

 

Just wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry you were in a relationship with someone who treated you that way. My very first boyfriend was the same and it took a long time to realise that shit wasn't normal and I wasn't treated right

 

been with a few people like that, probably why i have abandonment issues... lol
i feel for anyone whos been through that, sorry my friend.

 

Thanks to everyone for being good people this weekend. I need to leave the forum for like a week, all of this stuff is starting to take over my thoughts and emotions and isn’t good for me mentally. I truly hope the victims of jesses horrible actions can somehow find healing, in some way. I wish this kind of thing never happened, for the sake of those victims.

 

Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment. To be honest, despite being over the relationship itself, it threw me through a loop and I’m still processing it despite the fact that this took place over a year ago. One common trait narcissists tend to exhibit is the act of “future faking,” which is where they make grandiose promises for the future, implying a life together, and then of course that never comes to fruition. It’s something I experienced and I see these women talking about that exact same thing and I dunno, I just feel for them. That shit fucks with your head big time. I too extended my condolences. People suck.

 

Echoing the statements of love and support to everyone in this thread. We may not always agree but there is always a respectful conversation that ends with everyone learning and growing. I know I don't post here and ton and do more lurking but my dm's are always open if anyone needs a friend for any reason. Much love to everyone.