(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 626

"I'm sorry, I only want to date a guy who likes me for my looks." Haha.

For real though, playing music is already considered to be an attractive quality by most people. But playing live music despite being blind? Man...that's like next level. I honestly feel like that's a one up one most guys. Have you had women approach you after playing a gig?

And to speak to your comments about not being opposed to being in a relationship, I'm also super picky in that I don't wanna get into something unless I know it has potential to go anywhere so, I hear ya there.

 

Not really a lot of folk come up after, no. Most of that is a visual thing, though. Typically bars are (1) dark, (2) noisy, and (3) full of lots of moving people and unfamiliar voices. I have a bit of vision, but it works best in areas that are light, somewhat quiet, and with pretty clear patterns. So live music venues are basically my power-free zone. Think Daredevil after a loud noise. (The TV show, not the movie. Fuck the movie).
I typically will set up at an end of the bar to keep Howard out of the way, have a beer or two, and chat with whoever's near. I've made good friends with the bartenders and the sound guy, and they'll "be my eyes" whenever they can, but it's pretty challenging to know if people are standing near wanting to start up a conversation or in order to get another redbull vodka. Once a conversation starts I'm good to go, but for the obvious reasons catching eyes isn't exactly an option.
It's kind of... ugh I ate this analogy... but it's like a yard sale. I set out everything, try to make it look as good as I can, do whatever advertising I can do without being annoying, but then it's sort of a waiting game. I can't, or don't, exactly go door to door being like "good morning, I'm selling all my old useless shit down the street, wanna come by? Also is that bacon I smell? Yum. I like mine extra crispy."

Sorry, that turned from answering your question to realizing that I want bacon. My bad.

 

My parents celebrated their 44th anniversary in June. I'm in a relationship that's just over 3 years long and even I'm like "wow 44 that's impossible."

 

You guys are hitting close to home, been together for 5 years, married for half that, but as most of you know, we're in a real rough spot right now. Makes me wonder if it's even wonder fighting for if we'll just inevitably spit down the road.

 

My parents were an example of people that "stayed together for the kids" and it just turned around and turned into them putting their stress and frustrations with another onto us as well. Breaking up fights when I was 7 and shit (my Mom the aggressor, dad never lifted a finger.. god knows if he did it wouldn't go well so I learned that early, thankfully - thanks dad). Probably could've split up and maybe even should've but they're at a point now where it couldn't be anybody else they're with, they wouldn't be able to do it alone..... definitely more so my dad than my mom.

Sometimes in my struggles with my girl (and we been together 6 years with much of that time us knowing "together forever" is the expectation) when we have the same issues YEARS LATER responded to the SAME WAY with the SAME RUN AROUND i'm like "wtf are we doing....?" but we always bounce back. In ways I feel similar to my parents, even down to she being more of an aggressor than me, and me like my dad being more guilty of being too laid back than too riled up and that riling them up more. The love is endlessly there and totally appreciated, but everyone has those rumblings and highs and lows. Me and my girl only recently broke out of a 2 month long "This is probably going to end." But we realized we're still best friends, still feel so deeply the idea of it is painful, and that if we ever did split we will always hold a piece of each other, the love is too strong... it's gotta be right even if there is times of wrong. Relationships are hard and definitely have a gamble factor.
It's all a matter of measuring the love and positive sides vs. the strain and negatives, once it goes that wrong way and doesn't seem to wanna get better, that's when it's time to leave I think.

 

After drinking, I really need to remember to wait until the next day before messaging/texting gals

 

Haha. Me.

 

Hahah I did it last night to a girl who definitely gave me some hints. My friends thought I had already hooked up with her by the way we were talking. I sent her a message but it came off as way too forward Oh well, she's moving in a month.

 

Not gonna lie, kinda with I had that problem lol.

 

Thank god we only live to be like 80-90, takes a lot of pressure off of the word "forever." I think a lot of times when people separate after being together for years you'll often hear comments like, "love is dead," or something in that vein. It's usually said in jest, but really, I think it's a little unrealistic to expect people to stay together forever. It'd be ideal, but realistically, people enter our lives and we benefit or learn something and then they leave. Like, if we lived to be 200/300 years old, could you imagine what "til death do us part" would imply? Haha

 

It prolly sounds better than it is, to be honest

 

No reply?

 

Meh, it's better than nothing.

 

Haha, no not yet. It was on Facebook though, so who knows if she's even seen it yet.

She's prolly seen it

 

It says in the message window if they've seen it.

 

I spend maybe 8 hours a week with my girlfriend and maybe another 1-2 talking / texting and as fun as it is there's no way I'm doing this for 30+ years with her just at this small amount of time let alone if we lived together and saw each other all the time holy fuck.

 

Personally I feel like if you can't see yourself being together with a person "forever" you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with said person and also maybe long term relationship just aren't you're thing.

Seems weird to put a finite time frame on a relationship

 

I'd like to thank you for being optimistic, glad someone else feels that way.

 

1) It seems crazy to me to think "Alright I can see a good X years with this person cuz that's about all I can handle" and once year X is up just being like Peace! Bye!(I understand this is likely an exaggeration but it's something that I can't really comprehend honestly)

2) Being in a long term relationship is challenging and takes an extreme amount of effort and sacrifice to make it work to the point of when you've been with somebody for 10, 20, 30 years, that's gotta be incredibly difficult to start anew with somebody else ya know?


Maybe my perspective is strange though.

 

Dating for the sake of dating doesnt make much sense to me. I think critically about longevity before even committing to a relationship. Granted idk if its gonna last forever from the start. But if i feel like im gonna get over this person rather quickly, i wouldn't subject myself to even being in that relationship at all. I am a long term relationship kind of person though so maybe i just dont "get it"

 

Yeah, I'm with you there.

 

Yeah i mean not everyone's end goal is marriage or forever. It's just important to find someone who wants the same thing from the relationship so ur not dragging them along.

 

My parents separated when I was 14 or so, tender age but it wasn't super messy or anything like that. Was difficult then, and any sort of intersection that involves the two of them is still difficult.

 

It’s not that I can’t see myself being with my girlfriend for forever, it’s more that I can’t see doing anything that long. Hell, I’m not even sure I’ll live that long. It’s always a discussion with my girlfriend regarding this topic because she will ask where I see us in five years and I’m like “I don’t know, I don’t ever think that far ahead.” I found in my early-mid 20s that when I thought about things in a specific time frame it stunted my growth as a person because I beat myself up over the deadlines to do things that I missed. So now, in the last three years, I’ve managed to stop even thinking that far in the future in all aspects of my life.

My girlfriend on the other hand is a daydreamer which is awesome. I think each relationship needs some sort of balance. I am firmly planted in the present with no interest in thinking that long term and she’s always looking forward. It works well.

 

But the jokey fatalistic part of me is like “nothing is forever and we all are born alone and die alone life is futile” because that’s just fun.