(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 480

I'd love and to open to anyone's opinion. I think she isn't being fair by saying her situation is different, and making such a big deal out of this. Also not being fair accusing me of lying about being divorced based around this. Don't feel like you can't disagree with me, I need some opinions, please.

 

What you said about there being a deeper reason than the mail seems to be right on, honestly. Has there been any infidelity in the past? By either of you? Sorry if that is intrusive but that is the only reason I could see that she'd react in that way and even then she is not in the right.

 

Hey man, sounds like a definitely crappy situation that can't be easy to go through your day with. Has this problem been brought up before? How many times does this same fight happen? How long have you two been together?

 

Has she always been like that with ur past marriage or is it recent? Honestly I think it's rude af for her to brag that she'll only get married once. Divorces can be so hurtful and traumatic that it's kind of a sucky thing to say. Idk she seems really insecure or like she feels inferior to ur ex or something? Maybe it's hard for her that you had a connection like that with someone in the past? But Like... Its mail. but I guess if she's already really insecure about it, it is a trigger for her? But It's part of ur past so i feel like she def needs to either hash the root of her feelings out with you or decide if she can handle that old part of ur life or not.

 

Her previous serious relationship she was cheated on by her boyfriend(while pregnant too) There has been no infidelity in our relationship though. I was also cheated on by my ex who I have my son with. Both of us have never cheated on any of the people we've been with previously, just been cheated on.

 

She's referred to her as "my wife" to be facetious, and also in respect to "I'll only get married once" as well. We've been together for 3 years, and it's definitely something she knows bothers me, and I've had to tell her on multiple occasions that I shouldn't have to feel guilty for having a past.

 

It's always been something that's caused arguments, this one was just the most hurtful, and one I couldn't just brush off. She's always felt inferior because I have a child with my ex(even though she has 2 with her ex). I agree with your last statement too. I've told her prior, I shouldn't have to feel guilty for having a past life.

 

Thanks for the answers so far, everyone.

 

My honest opinion is I think you need to sit down with her and have a serious and brutally honest conversation with her. Speak directly from your heart about how it all makes you feel and how much it worries for yours and hers future that she acts like that. Let her know this has to be resolved in a healthy manner and ask her what you can do to help. If she keeps being irrational then you might have to look at other options.

Trust is the absolute NUMBER one thing in a relationship. It needs to be there 110% or else it will inevitably crumble.

 

Trust has been a huge issue since day 1, and it's something I've talked with her about previously. I understand she was hurt before, I was too. I feel like it's something I've probably forgiven too many times at this point. I feel like at this point unfortunately I just can't keep going on having to play defense for her and my past relationships.

 

I by no means have a perfect relationship, we have stuff we need to work on, but it's only feasible because we absolutely trust each other. There's never a second in the day either of us worry about what the other is doing or anything like that. It make's such a gigantic difference compared to my previous relationships.

If trust is a huge issue, i'd say you really need to dig deep and make a decision that is best for you.

 

Sounds like a lot of self esteem issues tbh. On the one hand it seems natural to have that doubt or insecurity after being cheated on, but like to an extent? U are not the one who cheated and it sucks having to pay so hard for something u didn't do. I'm sure being cheated on while pregnant is super extra traumatizing. Have u guys done couples counseling or has she had counseling on her own?

 

We've never done couples counseling, she's had her own counseling though, yes. I think it makes it harder because I was cheated on too, so I know the trust issues that frequent, and I know the pain. However, I don't out left field make awful accusations against her, either.

 

I have zero luck with tinder or bumble. My old fashioned way of meeting people in bars isn't an option anymore due to an ovi I got about a month ago. It's gonna be a lonely year.

 

Sorry bud, try a bookstore?

 

From what you've said, she's being totally out of line, irrational and just outright spiteful.

Firstly, the whole thing with the mail is just ridiculous. Anyone with some common sense and life experience would know that receiving post for a previous occupant is par for the course. I mean, I have some sympathy that it would remind her of your ex wife and that you lived there together, but it's not your fault and not something you can do a huge amount about. She has to deal with that. End of.

Having a stab at you by still calling her your wife and suggesting you aren't really divorced is just deeply unpleasant. Similarly, the comments about how she'll only be married once. I mean, I don't want to pry, but do you actually say anything to provoke that? Is it said in anger to something you've said or done or does she just unload that on you? If it's the latter, then she really has to control herself.

From what you've said, you need to have as calm a conversation as possible and make it clear that this isn't petty argument level stuff. I mean, if she's this bitter about you having a previous marriage, what's she like with your kid?

 

I don't know if this is the right place to post this or if I should even post this at all but...I found out I'm pregnant and I'm completely overwhelmed.

 

I don't do anything to instigate it, she'll sometimes say it "jokingly" but it comes across as very condescending, and kind of falls into that "there's some truth in any joke" It hurts me inside too because obviously being divorced is not something I planned in my life goals, and not something I'm proud of.

As far as how she is with my son, I have him half the time because I have split custody with my ex, and she has full custody of her two boys so they're with us 7 days a week. I feel like they're my sons as well, and I'm very involved in their lives. She isn't very involved with things my son does, and I don't feel like she has much of a relationship with him. I'd like to think it's because he isn't around as much, but I think I might be being naive in thinking that.

 

Perfect place to discuss. What overwhelms you specifically about it?

 

Very appreciative of the responses I've gotten, thanks

 

obviously it isn't easy and things are probably not ideal. I wish you well, whatever happens

 

How are you doing bb? We're here if u need to talk!


Also my phone autocorrects bb to vh1 lol

 

Fuck. It's serious in here tonight.

 

On a lighter note, the girl went on the date with Friday seems pretty into me. So that's good

 

You're painting a bleak picture here man.