The Parenting Thread • Page 27

Haha, I think all kids are like that, man. Just need time to develop and learn how to deal with situations. Sounds like he just doesn't know how to handle certain situations so he screams when he doesn't get his way, which is typical I think.

My wife's mother is the worst with giving into my son. I'm pretty good at not giving into my son when he wants something so he's kind of learned on who to go to when he wants something knowing who will respond how he wants. He's VERY good at fake crying, but my wife and I don't fall for it anymore. It takes some discipline on our end to just not give in. But after while, it pays off.

I don't think you're going to find too many 20-month-olds who are real chill, haha. I would't worry too much.

 

I just feel like it shouldn't have started that early cuz it's been happening for months now and he doesn't talk yet. Our hope is that once he starts talking it'll get easier but it's definitely rough atm.

I appreciate the insight, it's definitely encouraging to hear. He's just never been a chill baby since birth so it'd be nice to have one that actually is hah!

It's just hard because everyone else I see/talk to talks about how wonderful and how much of an Angel their child/children are. It just gets hard to hear constantly when my child is nothing like that and makes me think we're doing something wrong.

 

Keep in mind, most parents may not want to admit their children are little brats to others. So they probably just tell people how sweet their kids are. Hell, my son didn't sleep through the night - or in his own room - consistently until he was pretty much 2-years-old...but I probably embellished the truth to others back then so people didn't think my son was always up all night or in our room for the first 18-24 months. Different example, but point is, people may not always be truthful about their own kids in public or to others.

Also, the talking thing definitely makes sense too, if he's not talking yet, he's definitely going to react with screaming or yelling to convey his point. Once he starts talking, he'll start to convey his point/attitude in a different demeanor. I stopped worrying about my son a lot less once he was able to talk and tell us how he feels or what's going on.

 

Yeah absolutely and I totally get that it's just hard to hear sometimes ya know?

Thanks for all the kind words, appreciate it man! Sorry for the ranting.

Parenting sure isn't easy to say the least.

 

My son has become SO opinionated. He doesn't want the blue placemat, he wants the green. Not milk, water. Not fork, spoon.

It's ridiculous...

 

I mean most people have seen it already now but #3 is on the way so bump

 

As in bump the thread not as in a baby bump

I have to clarify before the other dads make puns

 

Triple dad score

 

why can't you let us have this one thing

this is supposed to be a safe space for dads

 

Any divorced dads? It gets better, yeah? I feel like I'm doomed as I'm 30, we did everything together so I don't have much as far as friends etc to go out with. On days I don't have him it gets pretty hard.

 

What?! Didn't know. Congrats!

 

It was in the A1 thread! Hahaha but thank you so much!

 

First of all, sorry that you're going through this. I've been separated from my wife for closing in on a year, divorce is finally about to be finalized. It gets easier. Some days are worse than others. I've seen your posts in the dating thread and I can understand that it's hard to move on without any closure. I hope you can get that soon or yall can find a way to mend your marriage. Feel free to PM me any time if you ever need a sounding board. I don't know how I would have made it through the last year without a couple of the dads on this website.

 

Well I told her today I want a divorce. Immediately after it came out of my mouth I regretted it. Since day one of the separation, aka moving out in February, I've put in a lot to fix it (that's a different story) but she hasn't reciprocated that, at all. The further this goes on the more frustrated I get and the less trust I have, amongst other things. It's just getting to an unhealthy point so I thought it was for the best. I pulled the whole "I deserve better" card. Right now I'm sad as hell but I'm trying to tell myself it'll get better. I honestly feel terrible for my kid.

 

It is pretty bad. I've been physically separated from my daughter's mom for nearly two years now (before that, we lived together for a long time without being together). I was in about the same spot as you, few friends and no one to talk to but my parents. Luckily there are some good people here and now I have a few close friends (@dadbolt @Fucking Dustin @Laura -- hey welcome to the thread).

I finished up my custody case in November and that worked out well although it was crazy expensive and drawn out. I have 50/50 now that her mom lives close enough for it. It's still a pain to deal with her because she's always pushing to get her way on things that I have no obligation to do for her.

Dating is tough. I've been doing online dating for a while and started going on a lot of dates last winter but every time I get excited about someone I get let down or lose interest. I'm sure something will work out eventually. My anxiety about it isn't helping

I also saw a psychologist last week about depression and I'm pretty sure that will help if I keep it up. I was surprised to find out that it only costs my copay of $35 per appointment.

 

Trying for #2 but it doesn't seem like it's gonna happen without a little help along. That's what we were hoping for but it is what it is. Hopefully by the end of the year we can get pregnant again.

 

completely understand the immediate regret asking. it's a life-changing decision. It's hard. I regretted asking for a divorce immediately after i said it, too; but i don't anymore. How did she react when you asked her? was she upset or ambivalent? if she wasn't willing to put forth any effort to fix things while you're actively working for it, that's kind of telling to me. I hope I'm not coming across as harsh, because that's def not my intention. I know how hard it is to navigate all the feelings you're going through. You don't deserve to be in a marriage where you have to give it all 100% to work and she gives nothing.

I understand about feeling bad for your kid. My daughter, Sophia, was 5 when I told her that her and her mom were moving to another town and I wouldn't be going with them. I will never forget the look on her face when I told her. It was brutal for me. She's been a trooper through all of this. She has her moments but she is still the same happy kid. I'm sure she would be thrilled if her mom and I would get back together but she's adapted really well to the status quo(that's about to get shaken up again but I'll get into that another time.) Idk how old your kiddo is but they will adapt too, and probably faster than you think. All that matters there is that they have a mom and dad that loves them. Spend as much time as you can with them. Again, sorry you're going through this. It will get better in time.

 

Good luck! My wife and I are expecting our second in August, but it was a hell of a ride to get there. We had two miscarriages last year - one was at 15 weeks which absolutely crushed us. Had to see some specialists, different doctors, etc. It was a whole ordeal. It'll happen eventually.

 

Damn, @colorlesscliche @dadbolt @ChaseTx, I can't even begin to imagine what you guys are going through. Break-ups are hard enough, but with a kid, I'm sure it's 100x more complicated/harder. I honestly don't know what to say other than I hope you guys can find the happiness needed to carry on and still have a great relationship with your child(ren) and an amicable relationship with the mother of your children. I'm sure it'll be rough at first but hopefully it will eventually become easier with time.

My sister has gone through hell for the past six years after separating with her 'baby daddy' (they were never married) and it's been very hard on my nephew because his dad has just been living to tear my sister's world apart every chance he gets. He has next to no legal rights as a father any more because he's such a shitty human being and it kills me to see my nephew suffer. I guess my advice is - and I know it's hard right now - but just try to be civil with your ex and remember that your child is the most important thing in your life and you still need to try to make sure your child doesn't feel any real negative affects from your break-up and/or divorce.

 

We definitely want our kids spread out in ages but not like alot to where they can't relate ya know? Just a little longer than we thought ATM.

Congrats on your #2! Boy or girl?

Sorry to hear about the miscarriages, that's awful.

 

We're having a girl! It's weird, because we knew the sex of the baby before the miscarriage last summer (we did the early testing -said everything was safe...), and it was supposed to be a boy. So I had it in my head for 3-months that I was going to have 2 boys. Before we did the testing, I was really hoping for a girl...so it's strange how it all 'worked out.'

I know exactly how you feel with the age difference. I wanted our kids to be 2-years apart, which they would have been had everything gone smoothly last year. Now, they'll be just under 3 years apart, which is fine (it's how me and my siblings are).

 

I don't want to drag my ex so I'll just say I was absolutely miserable for the 3 years before we separated. Then slightly more miserable for another 6 months wondering if I had done the right thing, worrying about my daughter, etc. I've found that we make much better co-parents than we did partners. I'm good now. I've made new friends, I'm seeing someone that's awesome but still pretty new, so we'll see there. My daughter is perfectly happy and content. I see her at least 2-3 times a week and talk to her every day. I just want the divorce to be finalized so that weight can be lifted.

Thanks for the kind words!

 

PS @ncarrab congrats on baby #2!

 

Raising children with an ex is definitely difficult at times (anywhere between 20% and 100% of the time) but it's much more rewarding than working through a relationship that just cannot be resolved just because you have kids

My ex and I are mad at each other some (okay, a lot sometimes) but I do have it very easy as far as coparenting goes. There are things we'll never see eye to eye on and it frustrates me at times but it's all good

 

Do Gavin & Grayson know the news?