Mental Health Thread • Page 120

Really fucked up over finding out where a friend of mine from my using days ended up. He's alive, which I'm so relieved to find out, but he's not gonna be around for a while. His story could've been my story. We were so close. We went through a lot together. He looked out for me and treated me well, even if our relationship revolved around our addictions we still had a really close friendship, that's what happens when you're relying on each other every single day just to function. I'm just fucking sad where his life went after I got out of the game, not that it was in a good spot before, he had been using for a long while before I ever entered the picture, but now...he may as well be dead. I'm really distraught

 

I'm having a really hard time accepting the reality because it doesn't feel real but it is. I don't know what to do. I have no appetite nor want to get out of bed and I'm a wreck. I didn't think it would be this hard. I thought I'd be okay but I'm not

 

My damn brother definitely went to a brewery with my parents this weekend, and I know he is an adult and that I did the same stuff, but I really was hoping he'd stick with no drinking on his meds.

Meanwhile the psychiatrist my therapist rec'd for med management is $325/session lol, so I'm not sure how that's going to work.

 

At least you have beat it as much as you can, you won't wind up a statistic

 

I'm in a weird spot of not knowing wtf is going on in my life and highkey not caring and that being totally fine.
Not even on some woe is me shit, maybe a degree in disappointment of broken plans and promises, but more so just hate of expectations and an eagerness to embrace a degree of not always living for the next week [for others] and enjoying the day [for me].

 

Today blows

 

Going through a similar thing with my parents, and it's really tough especially when you're their support. Lemme know if you need to vent or anything, just being in that environment is stressful. Hope things get better!

 

being with someone 6 years and having questions if they want shit as much as you when its time to make everything happen is hell.
she usually jokingly call me her jokers card, well.... you played your card and the jokers card always hold a special aura over the deck. dare you to pull my card, cus I know more than even ya fam seems too. I gave everything. I rest easy either way.

ball is out of my court, I can tuck myself in even if I know itll hurt know my investment wasn't worth its weight... at my point in life I don't wanna waste even my time anymore, give in or go hard is where I'm at. morbid or not I'm tired of the dance and I don't appreciate a relationship where I have to prance around shit to get how you feel outta you. you can be alone I'm at a give up or push forward point in life, and if I give in it will be because I gave In on my own efforts. Not someone half assing me.

 

Had a good day today. Topped off with a god damn anxiety attack as I'm trying to sleep.

 

I feel so empty and I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't think this would happen so soon. I wasn't prepared.

 

I'm stressing so much. I've been working so late everyday (unpaid cause who has time to flex it and lol of course no overtime) and when I get off work I am so drained mentally and emotionally. I drag myself shopping and just get what I need to sustain cause who has energy to cook and then I come home and there's a huge mound of laundry I need to fold. I'm moving in two weeks and have no time to get boxes or start packing so I'm stressing. And tbh even if I had time I feel anxious about asking places for boxes cause I'm ridic. Idk how people juggle kids into that mix cause it's hard enough with just me. I am killing myself to finish until my last day of work next week but by the time I get there I'll prob be too worn out to function. I've been recovering forever from a cold prob induced by stress lol

And I'm out of birth control and won't get a refill until next week and it's gonna throw everything off. Meh. Whiny whinerson

 

After seeing a therapist for around 9 or 10 months, I have to start seeing a new one and just not sure if it would be worth it anymore. I'd have to start paying for it--prob $20/wk--and it took me six months to open up to this first one.

 

now I'm having this weird deal where I was listening to Harry Styles' album and in Carolina he says "I met her once and wrote a song about her" like I can't imagine being that kind of person to make an impression like that. I always feel this pressure to be more interesting or witty or knowledgeable. I feel like I have surface-level knowledge on some things but not enough to get into a deep/insightful convo. I'm not ~mysterious or bubbly. If anything I've had people say I look "cool" (idk what that means really) which I think leads them to think I'm interesting and then they talk to me and are like. oh. never mind. lol

 

this is something that comes up in my mind a lot and here's the thing have you heard people talk? it's pointless small talk 99% of the time, most people are boring and uninteresting, you're not one of those

 

lol I was thinking that I find like 99.9% of people kinda boring/predictable but I've always been fascinated by people who are just so charming and warm that they stick in your mind.

I do think I'm kinda boring sometimes tho. Like sometimes I'm speaking and I realize I'm saying something super boring but idk if I should just stop mid-sentence and be like "welp this went south" or just finish the thought and inflict the mundane. I get talked over a lot so I always interpret that as me boring others until they pretend like I'm not talking anymore lol

 

I see myself going to be frequent in this thread. I'm going through a really difficult time and have so many emotions I've never felt before. I feel empty and lost. More depressed than I previously was. I don't know what to think. It doesn't feel real. It feels like the worst nightmare. Like I'm stuck living a nightmare for the rest of my life.

 

I do not know what is happening in your life currently, but please know that there are many, many people in this thread rooting for you every single day. We are on your side. You're phenomenal.

 

So I saw my counselor again last night.

She mentioned that I should see a nutritionist at the eating disorder treatment center a few times.

Guess that's happening.

 

I'm at the dentist right now waiting to get called back, I haven't had my teeth looked at in almost 11 years. My heart is pounding.

 

Yeah it's been maybe 7-6 years myself. Good luck m8!

 

I'm good about the dentist but didn't have a physical for like 6 years

 

I haven't been to the dentist in I think 4 years, and probably 7 years for a physical

 

I haven't been to the dentist in at least 10 years, same for regular PCP. I really need my wisdom teeth out but I am terrified of the dentist so I keep putting it off. And my PCP moved out of state so now idk who to go to.

 

I had a physical in 2011 and then didn't go back until last September. I found out that I have high cholesterol and was on the verge of being diabetic. Since then, I've changed my lifestyle and lowered both to much more manageable levels.

Not trying to cause anxiety in a thread where people suffer from it, but it's better to go now rather than later. If I waited it would have been worse.

 

I go to the dentist every year.

I haven't gone to the doctor in so long that I'm scared to find out how bad my health probably is.