Mental Health Thread • Page 119

Spaghetti.

 

Feels like every other weekend I'm going to a wedding or baby shower. I don't necessarily feel "behind" because I don't want that sort of ~traditional life trajectory, but idk. Maybe I do? I go to weddings and think about how I would plan mine but then I don't really get thrilled thinking of being married when I try to picture that. Sometimes idk if I want something or if I think I want something cause societal expectations. I feel like I'm finally coming into my own which is thanks to bring single, but there's always that little thought deep down in my brain that I'm gonna be lonely once all my friends go off and marry/have kids. I'm not scared of like immediate loneliness but sometimes I'm scared of being the only one left.

 

My ex added me on my Facebook and I accepted because... it's complicated. We're on good terms and have been for a while, but I use the phrase "good terms" lightly. Our relationship in its present state is extremely tenuous and feels like its on the brink of another explosion (and we've had more explosions than I can count). She's actually friends with my girlfriend and they have a class together which would make it really problematic for me to burn the bridge completely (although that class will get over in like a month). She's also this really strange mix of liberal and right-wing, like she believes in gender equality but thinks BLM is illegitimate... not great. And both me and my band are not afraid to post political content on Facebook, some of which has caused her to fucking lose it in the past and attack me personally for posting it. So I just feel very conflicted about it. I would've preferred to not accept the friend request, but then I'm afraid she'd bug my girlfriend about it and message me about it and that would just be so much trouble.

The whole thing is so high school and I want to be done with it. I've wanted to be done with it for a long time. It's just nearly impossible when you live in a small town and she is literally buddies with my girlfriend in that class they share. She graduates in June and I thinks she's moving away for school so maybe then I'll be done with it for real... but even then I don't know. I just don't know. That MewithoutYou lyric is quite applicable here: "If she comes circling back, we'll end where we've begun. Like two pennies on the train track, the train crushed into one."

 

Okay, here we go:

I work as a HR analyst but as a contractor which means there are lulls between jobs. I haven't worked since the end of March and before that really only worked 10-15 hours a week which meant taking alot out of savings to pay bills / eat.

After June I have absolutely no money left unless I start working ASAP.

I have 7k on my credit card.

I have 2k in student loans I need to make monthly payments on.

I have 10 months left on my apartment lease.

I'll essentially have to ask my parents for help which I don't wanna do. But they can only help for a month tops and I don't want to need their help.

Which means I will have to sell all my shit and move back home (from Seattle to Wisconsin).

I'll be fucking 30 and living in my parents basement like the greatest cliche of all time.

It certainly could be a lot worse but fuck. All I want to do is sleep and wake up to find i have a job. I can't focus on anything with this impending sense of panic and failure that's been around 24/7 the last few weeks.

 

A well being guide.

https://www.rethink.org/media/2770750/wellbeing_guide.pdf

 

I'm so fucking tired of my brain being an asshole. I just want to feel fucking normal.

 

I'm not in a good place. I feel like crying and like I'm about to have a breakdown

 

i need therapy and anti-anxiety meds but both are completely inaccessible to me right now. broke, no mental health coverage under my parents' plan, no car, too depressed to seek out ways to overcome the aforementioned roadblocks. and my situation w/ mental health is extremely tough to explain. everything feels way too hopeless right now.

 

One of the new friends I've made in the past few months, someone truly wonderful, made a long and enriching post on Facebook related to his mental health diagnostic. Very touching and inspiring, and most importantly so positive. Something I'd love to see more on Facebook.


It inspired me to do something unusual : I'm currently writing an in depth post about abusive relationships on my Facebook wall. It's therapeutic for me. I won't lie : I'm scared as shit by the eventual reactions, but I try not to care about that. I want to educate my friends because I know most of them aren't aware of important issues like that. I hope I'll be able to translate the whole thing in English asap so all of you can read if you are interested.

 

good on you!! :) advocating and educating is important.
the only reason i wish i had stayed on FB was to educate all my ex college classmates/friends etc the way i've talked about stuff on here in pol. really only that. but i didn't want to deal with everyone else's feed. it just got so cringey and obnoxious. i'm more glad i got away from it. but i think i've told the people closest to me about how i feel and what i think needs to be changed, so that's what matters.

 

I'm only understanding now how harmful Facebook can be on our mental health. My feed has become insufferable due to the presidential elections. So much negativity, so many hostile debates between people that I'm sure have a common goal, then also so many offensive jokes and posts, and even funnier, so many people being like "i'm sick of politics, i'm sick of X or Y" without offering concrete solutions or some ideas to change that. It's such a vicious circle. I want to make this platform as educational as Twitter and Tumblr did for me in the last 5 years. I don't know if it will be useful tho.

 

Really really bad night. I felt like i had been doing pretty well for the past couple of weeks but everything has taken a nose dive. I really need to take the steps to get professional help but it doesn't even feel worth it.

 

Yeah, eventually I need to go about seeing help. I know it could help, but I'm a bit lazy when it comes to actually dealing with problems and I'm currently looking for a job out of state and not sure I want to start something with one therapist or whatever and then having to find another not long after (provided I ever get a any company interested in me...)

 

i almost hung myself today. a family member talked me down. i feel like i might try again and i'm not sure what to do about that, if anything at all

 

Petit nain des Îles

yaaay I did it ! i'll write an English version of each article, I just posted my first one about abusive relationships... in French for the moment.

 

It looks like I'm going to miss my nephew's spring concert and it just makes me want to cry. Normally I go with my mom but she will be out of town and not driving means no way of getting there aka story of my entire fucking life. I just want to be a normal person for once. I just want to be able to drive myself somewhere without panicking so much I puke. I know how when I was a kid I would always look for my family at my concerts and be disappointed when my dad wasn't there. I don't want to put my nephew through that.

 

Okay guys. Super new to this thread so if i say something wrong or offensive please forgive me. A good friend of mine is seemingly suicidal. I'm trying to help. She is rejecting all forms of help offered included a therapist and the hotline. Anyone have any tips for a concerned friend? When I say seemingly, I mean she has said that she is so I'm taking her seriously.

 

My go to strategy so far has just been talk on FaceTime with her all night about funny things like sky diving and Christopher Walken.

 

Having one of those fun nights where I wake up and can't go back to sleep cause I'm stressing and having anxiety about Trump-related stuff. If it's not stress about work it's about the state of everything. Encountering the people that I do on a daily basis takes a toll. I feel like I'm always on high alert for some nonsense and then feel upset when I encounter it and then I overthink those situations.

 

Honestly there isn't much you can do about your friend, because she had to get help herself in the first place, and that's the first and hardest step of getting through mental issues. You seem to be already doing great things for her, keep being a good friend, and don't push her too hard relating to therapist and things like that. Hopefully, she will soon be ready to get help.

 

I really wish I had someone by my side right now. I got no one. I need to call off my entire work week too. I'm in no shape to even try to go to work

 

things at home have been kinda fucked recently and even though it doesn't really involve me it's still been pretty rough.

basically, ever since i was a kid my dad has had a tendency to come home late and it annoys my mum so she'll call him multiple times late at night until he answers. the other night the same thing happened. i woke up at around 3am because they were arguing (which isn't rlly unusual). when my my mum called my dad that night a lady had answered and said he was busy fucking her with moans in the background and all. she demanded to see his phone and to talk it through but he refused and told her they could talk about it in the morning (a conversation that he's refused to take part in over the next couple of days).

my mum has been so miserable. i have never seen her like this before. she tries to talk about it with him consistently but he'll tell her to go away/insult her.

it was Mother's Day today and I asked her out to dinner but she refused which is something she'd never normally do. i'd also bought her tickets to the ballet bc she absolutely adores it. but when I told her she just said "i don't wanna go".

i don't know what to do. i want to help but I know that's beyond my power right now. it just feels shitty to know that my mum has always put herself second for me, she's put up with a shitty marriage and being unhappy just for her kids, and for me to not return that favour. it absolutely breaks my heart to see her laying in her bed so vacantly. she seems like such a shell. and there's nothing i can do to make her happy.

in reality, i know I'm just having a moment where i feel hopeless. my mum needs support more than she ever has. i know she wants a divorce and it'd be so difficult for her to break out of the relationship she's in with him. i know me supporting that decision would mean the world to her. i know that my support in general would mean a lot to her. it's relieving to know that there are things I can do that, while they aren't a cure, still offer some help.


it just hurts to see my mum in the state she's in atm.

srry 4 the wall of text.

 

It's like a bad dream I can never wake up from