Tiny Moving Parts - breathe (September 13, 2019) Album • Page 2

I love this band but have been so uneasy since finding out about Dylan's sexual abuse. I don't know how to .... handle it.

 

Definitely seems like he's decided how he's going to handle it though, which is to say not at all. Just an absolutely reprehensible person.

 

Well that’s not true. He took a lot of steps when he was made aware.

 

Nah. He made a lot of noise but ultimately almost immediately went back to touring and operating as if nothing happened. No remorse whatsoever. Absolute trash.

 

Well. I don’t know what to tell you then. He did things in response. You may think he didn’t do enough, but to say he didn’t do anything is false.

 

Never said he didn’t do anything, I said he immediately went back to his normal life as if nothing ever happened, and that he showed no actual remorse for what he did. To say otherwise is false.

 

I don’t know what steps he took privately (if any, if he did make that public I’d love to see it because I did enjoy this band) but it is a fact that the band took nearly no time off the road in terms of touring.

 

This conversation was already had in the Accountability thread so I’ll just link to what I said back then and be done with it.

 

I never understand the phrase “deserve to lose their platform”. Who’s making that call and on what basis or with what authority?

 

when they use their platform to harm, harass and/or abuse emotionally, physically, sexually someone else they shouldn't continue to have that platform. The survivor gets to decide that as their say on the matter is really the only one that gets to decide that. The survivor can definitely decide they don't want Dylan to continue tour and that should be honored by Dylan, they can also decide that Dylan can continue touring and Dylan can do that, too. But in this case, it's not on Dylan to say "well, we're inviting this organization on tour with us so I'm good."

 

How do you know his platform as a musician had anything to do with the assault? We also don't know what the survivor wants, so why are people saying Dylan should do this or that if the survivor is the one that has that say? Why do you think the steps he took that were talked about in the FB post were a one time thing and he isn't continuing to do them?

 

Because of his actions and his words. He said he wanted to hold himself accountable but he didn't step away from his platform and they didn't take any time off touring and his statement on the matter was typical wiggle room of accountability word salad with a lot of "could have been harmful..." "it was never my attention..." etc. We don't know what the survivor wants because they declined to mediate with dylan and my opinion is that he should't continue to operate if or until the survivor has a say and just because they declined to mediate doesn't mean that's permission to continue on as before. That's not to say that the actions the band did take to allow time and space at their concerts for organizations to speak and table, him committing to ongoing therapy, and donating proceeds from the shows aren't good, they just aren't good enough without direction from the survivor imo.

 

So everything just goes into an infinite stasis until the person affected makes their wishes known to the public?

Publicly admitting your mistake is holding yourself accountable - all other steps he took even more so. Ending your career and those of many others involved (when that could be the furthest thing from the wishes of the person affected anyways) is such a bizarre overreach that I literally don’t know what posters here think is accomplished by it.

There are famous people out there and have been for years who are clearly using their reach and influence to behave in a predatory fashion. You have to be able to discern when something is not that.

 

Yeah for real! Let the poor guy get on with his life! All he did was sexually assault someone! He’s done his, like, week(?) of time!

 

I mean, yes. If Dylan wants to name drop Restorative Justice in his statement then he knows that essentially the central foundation of Restorative Justice is the survivor's role in what accountability and justice looks like for the transgressor. If you don't have the survivor's input and approval, then it's not restorative justice and it's hard for me to see how full accountability happens in that situation.

 

Only real salient point is, would your opinion change if the person affected let their feelings on that be known? Mine would. If they felt abused and manipulated by someone’s moderate fame and felt it could continue if the platform continued, I’d agree with that well-informed take and would then agree that they shouldn’t be touring if they’re using it as a channel to be a creep. I have a feeling most of you would continue to chant “gross” and “cancelled” even if the people affected didn’t feel that way, which is the part I find bizarre.

I have to acknowledge of course that sometimes in these situations, perhaps the discussion between parties hasn’t gone any further because the person affected just wants the entire thing to go away, and that is their right. As it is the right of the accused to acknowledge their mistake, take corrective action, and attempt to move on and demonstrate that they’ve learned from hurting others. I don’t know what else you can legitimately expect here.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I'm fairly confident that the others that are unhappy with dylan's actions and decisions would agree to some degree, that if the survivor stated that they and dylan worked out the situation and they were comfortable with dylan continuing to tour then that's what we care most about. It's not what we want to happen, it's what the survivor wants.

 

“Mediation was offered and the person responded that they wanted a week to think it over. During that time, I saw a therapist who has helped me to better understand how my actions in the past could have had harmful consequences.”

So he went to therapy for.......one week? Weird that people are arguing that this is even close to enough in a world where the survivor hasn’t said anything. Sometimes I think progress has been made in this area over the last few years and other times...yikes!

 

I took it to mean he started seeing a therapist. Not that he saw a therapist for one week and that was it. Perhaps it was just poorly worded. Perhaps he did only go for a week. Who knows.

 

“...they wanted A WEEK to think it over. DURING THAT TIME I saw a therapist...”

Yeah he definitely did the work. That’s corrective action right there.

If the survivor came forward and said she wanted to move past this and that she was fine with Dylan touring again, this would be a totally different scenario. Clearly nobody here bothered to read the Accountability thread from when this was discussed there, but someone made the excellent point that maybe she didn't want to engage with the dude because he doesn’t seem remorseful, or fazed in any way really, about what he did. Maybe she’d be more willing to mediate if the dude showed some genuine contrition, rather than going about his life like nothing ever happened.

Something the survivor will never be able to do, ever, by the way.