The Parenting Thread • Page 103

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year now and he has an 8 year old son. I recently took on a bigger role in his son’s life because my bf works later than I do so I can grab him from daycare on time. His son is just difficult about...everything. I try to be really patient with him and I never yell at him but I’m just struggling to get him to listen to me. Everything is a fight, dishes, going to bed, eating dinner. He’s also quick to blow up and get angry, sometimes purposefully hurting himself when he’s upset. He’s like this with every adult in his life like my bf, his grandparents, or even teachers. I’ve never seen a child scream and argue as much as he does. I really want this relationship to work and I’m willing to learn and try new techniques or approaches but I just feel lost. He just started seeing a counselor and we’re hoping that helps because we clearly aren’t able to give him the help he needs on our own. I guess my question is how do you deal with a child when they’re being that difficult? I don’t have much experience with kids so I feel like I’m just guessing and guessing wrong.

 

I am glad to hear you said that the child is starting to see a counselor because when I read that he is 'purposefully hurting himself' that is scary and probably something that needs to be addressed professionally.

Hopefully, the counseling will be a positive experience for you all.

 

his first in person session seemed to go well, hoping if we keep this up we’ll see some positive changes.

 

Started potty training on Saturday and yesterday he had the same underwear on at the end of the day that he did at the beginning which is really exciting. Pooping is going to be a challenge. But I'll take the victory over pee for now lol.

 

Welcome to parenthood, that's just parenting in general. We all are just trying to do our damn best and oftentimes fail. Know that you are doing the best thing by having him see a counselor and talking about it in general.

 

There’s a woman named Janet Lansbury that has a podcast where she talks about situations like this. While there’s rarely anything new or hard hitting, her voice and demeanor and insanely calming and it’s very validating to know we’re not alone when sometimes it’s so easy to feel like WE are doing something wrong. It actually sounds like you and your partner are doing everything right and I hope for the best of possible outcomes for your little unit.

 

Thank you, we’ll check it out!

 

Y’all using nighttime diapers for your kid(s)? Usually don’t but last night…. Man… that was a (not so) fun mess this morning.

 

We had to do the nighttime pull-ups for my son literally until like, a few months ago (he turns 7 in September).

My daughter is only 3 and no longer uses the nighttime pullups, which is nice.

Both still have accidents on occasion.

 

We just started so he is in pullups at night. He was dry this morning actually. Will see how the next few weeks are.

 

Talk to your pediatrician about this of course, but ours recommended adding a bit of miralax (a teaspoon up to a tablespoon in extreme circumstances) to their milk or other drink each morning. It's not a stimulant and doesn't cause any physical dependencies, it can just make it come out easier so it's not scary/painful for them to go. It also makes them feel like they have to go and harder to hold it in so they don't end up making themselves constipated.

 

Lol I get so mad at my wife sometimes cuz she’ll give my son a snack very close to his meal. Honestly she gives him too many snacks in general I feel. Tho he’s a good eater overall

 

You just killed my wife and I.

 

My daughter is such a picky/bad eater. She almost never eats her meals beyond some bites and picking at it, especially dinner. Then it’ll be late at night and she’ll complain about being hungry, this happens all the time and it drives me nuts.

 

My son only eats hot dogs and chicken nuggets I feel your pain

 

We're very fortunate our kid eats just about anything. I went to Orlando a few weeks ago with his mom and her friends and we went to Domu and he ate everything. This is what his mom posted on IG. It was all adults, except him (5 y/o), we get him a mock-tail and he hangs. It's really great, doesn't ask for a phone at the table, or ask to leave. Just eats and drinks with grown-ups.

Some of the stuff he ate

MISO (choice of butter or spicy)
RED + BLONDE MISO BROTH, CHASHU, CORN, BEAN SPROUTS, SCALLIONS, KIKURAGE, KOMI OIL


CURRY
SPICY CHICKEN BROTH, FRIED CHICKEN THIGH, JAPANESE BEECH MUSHROOMS, MENMA, THAI BASIL, SCALLIONS, THAI CHILI PASTE (MILD, MEDIUM, OR HOT)

DOMU WINGS (GF)
6 EXTRA CRISPY WINGS COATED W/ KIMCHI BUTTER SAUCE

BLACK TRUFFLE BURRATA - (GF OPTION WITHOUT BREAD)
FRESH MOZZARELLA INFUSED WITH BLACK TRUFFLES AND FILLED WITH CREAM, YUZU GELEE, TORCHED TOMATO, THAI BASIL, TOASTED BAGUETTE (ADD EXTRA BAGUETTE +2)

TAKO (GF)
GRILLED OCTOPUS W/ YUZU KOSHO, CRISPY SMASHED FINGERLING POTATOES, MICRO GREENS, RADISH, YUZU MAYO

 

My boyfriend’s kid is moderately picky and will tell me he won’t eat a taco (he likes everything in a taco and the shell on its own) and then will proceed to eat his boogers.

 

My son (6) will eat mostly everything (I've even given him Salmon) and has an enormous appetite but for whatever reason REFUSES to try tacos. And we eat at Mexican restaurants all the time (he eats the chips and queso and cheese quesadilla).

 

My daughter (almost 4) on the other hand only ever wants to eat pancakes, and pretty much pancakes only.

 

im the worst. I'll just be like "dang, ok, let's go to bed" then. For the most part he'll TRY anything but if it were up to him, he'd choose some pretty boring stuff

 

I mean can you blame her

 

Hey, I know I'm super late to this but wanted to give some thoughts from my experiences.

My son is 6 and over the last 2 or so years has some similar issues that you described. He would fight about little things, quickly lose his temper and explode in a rage like 0 to 60 in seconds, would throw himself to the floor when he didn't get his way, go limp, run away, you name it. Hit people, take things, throw things. But then he could also be complete normal. It was almost always when you asked him to do something that wasn't what he wanted to do RIGHT THEN. Like he would ask to go to the park and if I said yes and to go put his shoes on it would become a HUGE fight because he didn't want to. I would try to reason with him that he needed to do that to go to the park which he wanted and we'd end up spending 15-20 minutes fighting about shoes. Which would lead to well now we can be at the park for less time etc etc

What my wife and I (mostly her) found was he is very advanced in specific ways (fine motor skills, vocabulary, etc) but lagging in other (flexibility, sensory issues) because of this he has trouble regulating himself and responding/understanding what he perceives as sudden changes. We had him start social work with an occupational therapist and it has been very successful. We've found by given him warnings (leaving the park in 10 minutes and then counting down reminding him every few minutes so when it's time to go it's not a huge surprise to him). The book The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross W. Greene was VERY helpful. I'd recommend it, because it puts how a child's brain develops into focus and really helps understand how to approach the situations. As someone who gets very frustrated quickly, I've found it very helpful for myself as well. We've also found sensory tools help him a ton. Like fidget toys (which I also utilize at work), a sensory body sock, and so on.

Sorry for the long (late) response, but as someone that found himself very tired, frustrated, angry, and defeated at one point I wanted to share. Kids are very different and there are a ton of things going on in their heads as they develop that are recent discoveries. My parents had no idea about any of this stuff and just sent us to our room or spanked us regardless of what was going on, so it's hard for me as a young newer parent to fully wrap my around some of the psychology. Hope this helps in someway.

Good luck!

 

I appreciate all of this! We’ve been trying to be good about a schedule and consistency, as well as a positive reward system to encourage good behavior, and therapy, and it’s definitely gotten easier. I realized it’s been hard because I’ve transitioned from his friend to more of a parental role and he isn’t used to me asking him to do chores or have an authority role with him. I’ll definitely check out that book, the more I can understand about his brain the better haha.

 

Awesome, great to hear!