Sorority Noise Drop Off Tour • Page 4

I appreciate this post. Thanks for telling me I'm not horrible haha. I'm definitely going to take a step back and consider all of this. I'm sorry for coming off so rigid.

 

I received the warning and said my apologies, thanks :)

 

I have a question for you as I've become quite a fan of yours in this thread, among others regarding situations such as this. My best friend is a woman who doesn't necessarily believe this is fully on Cam either (I tend to disagree with her on this). I guess I'm wondering how you would handle addressing a woman who carries a different opinion on the subject? Mind you, this woman has been in some really manipulative relationships, and I was a witness first hand to some experience with her that I would say qualifies her as someone who has been manipulated emotionally and physically by men as a whole, I'm just a bit surprised by her take on it

 

I regret posting the Reddit link and watching this thread turn into absolute cancer.

@Anna Acosta you have been great dealing with it all

 

Would you consider SoundwaveUproar's friend cancerous as well? Or just me because I dared intrude on this post with differing thoughts?

 

You can have "differing thoughts". That doesn't mean though that they are valid or get to be held up by you as an equal argument to the truth.

 

And you've been gifted with the truth of the situation? Or are you referring to the statistics?

 

Jesus Fucking Christ, shut up. I've been reading all your posts and you're so fucking dense I can't handle it anymore. This has been explained to you in detail by multiple people now. It's clear to me that don't want to learn or consider new information — you want to argue with people. You don't care about this situation, you want to make it about every situation and it seems the collective whole of women fighting back against predatory men. Is it because of something you've done? Afraid you did? Whatever it is ... I'm banning you from the site so you can go think about it for a while and realize that it's time for you to read, listen, and not talk anymore. When someone says they've been abused ... you have no duty to pick through every word and argue or try and find flaw. You've made the decision to do this, to be this person. Reflect on why.

 

20 posts on this website and zero of them are good. I'm done with this facade.

 

So, as someone who is well versed in manipulative and abusive men... the aftermath can be complicated. I don't know your friend and I can't speak for her or as to her mindset, but from what I've usually encountered with survivors who go the way she's going, here are some possible scenarios for what's happening:

1. She looks at her own experiences and compares it. Maybe she feels what happened to her was "worse", so this doesn't count. Maybe she sees her own experience in it and is still feeling guilt and conflicting feelings about her own role in what happened. That kind of thing can be hard to metabolize - my own assaults were in 2013 and I still experience a kind of guilt over what went down. The instinct can be to downplay things like this when you see it happen to others because acknowledging it's severity can force you to acknowledge the reality of what you went through. Again, I won't and can't speak for her - but these are scenarios I've seen.
2. I liken it to a form of Stockholm syndrome (which is not the best comparison, but I currently lack a more appropriate one). Sometimes survivors go the absolute other way and look for ways to rationalize abusive behavior to avoid seeing themselves as a victim.

Of course, I'm making a lot of assumptions here. But, in terms of how you personally should handle it: I hope you hear me saying this kindly, because that's how I mean it - you probably can't. Whether it's one of the above scenarios or something else entirely, your friend has to work out her internalized stuff when she's ready. Sometimes being a good ally means keeping quiet. If you push someone, especially someone who is dealing with trauma on the subject, it can set them back and honestly, that kind of issue is one that other women probably need to tackle with her to get best results (in the same way that white folks probably shouldn't try to "educate" poc on racism, etc.). It seems like you care for your friend, so I would recommend to simply keep being there for them. Don't allow what she says to keep you silent in general, and don't feel like you can't live your truth around her - but it isn't your job to fix her. Be an example, and hopefully she'll get there when she's ready.

I know I can come across quite combative in these threads - in some ways, I have to - but that's a combination of PTSD and frustration over having the same conversations over and over again every time there are new allegations. At the end of the day, I honestly believe love, open communication and setting a good example is what ultimately gets through to people.

 

Some of these people are saving graces around here.

 

Yeesh the story about members of the band trying to silence other women is just gross.

 

where you seeing this?

 

Check the accountability thread in the music forum. She posted his texts. Pretty shitty of him.

 

jesus, keeps getting worse

 

Not that it's super pertinent to the issue at hand or anything, but is the Nicole that brought this public the one related to the Brand New allegations in November?

Honestly this whole thing sucks with how many people looked up to Cam. All power to the victim, being forced into this being public is awful and she deserves support as much as possible.

 

Sex ed really needs to have a focus on consent. The thing is, by introducing classes on consent in college, it's too late. So many of us have been taught that "boys will be boys" and "if he's mean to you, that means he likes you" and more from a very young age, and by the time we're taught how important and essential consent is, it's just too late and too many survivors have been assaulted as a result of miscommunication.

If a victim calls it rape, it's rape. If a victim calls it assault, it's assault. There's no "but if xyz happened, then it's rape". Touching her while she's asleep is a violation of her body and very disrespectful, and penetrating her without a condom is dangerous and further disrespectful. Just because they engaged in consensual sexual activities beforehand when she was completely awake, consent isn't a given, and should be asked multiple times. It does not kill the mood. My boyfriend will ask me, "do you want to?", "do you want to continue or should we stop", "are you sure?" within an hour, and you know what? Every time he ensures we're safe and enthusiastic, I'm sure that I'm being vulnerable and intimate with the right person.

I hope the survivor is doing okay - having her experience outed like this would be just terrible and traumatic.

 

No, two different Nicoles.