Sexism/Feminism/Womanism Discussion Thread Social • Page 37

Frenchman Pledges to Pay All Burkini Fines Issued on France’s Beaches

 

This guy..I can't get any help from HR and I'm extremely frustrated and not sure what to do about it.

My pulse has been high since I was born and for the physical exam I had to have for work I had to have an EKG done before they would release me. My NP said I was healthy. This guy is the director of this stuff and picked my EKG apart. I don't know how to read that stuff but he was trying to find something wrong and kept calling the lab making me come to his office to basically talk about the same shit. I even had two of our doctors here read it and say I was fine.

He is always watching me in the lunchroom to see if I'm getting caffeine bc he told me I couldn't have it. He frequently comes to the lab and touches me in some way. He massages my shoulders and plays with my ponytail. He like stroked my face when I was looking into a microscope once. I've told him to stop and leave me alone multiple times.

This has been going on for a while and I don't know what to do about it. EVERYONE SEES IT AND EVERYONE KNOWS he's doing this. I have a few nurse friends who watch my back when I'm in the ER and he is there.

He's in a higher position than me and can suspend me bc of my pulse if I piss him off. If HR won't help me then I don't know who will. My supervisors say they'll talk to him but they never do bc they could be put in a position to be fired.

I was all like what have I done to make him do these things to me? Then I was like fuck that he's in the wrong and I will not blame myself bc he's a creep.

I just needed to get that off of my chest. Phew.

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Erin. Why is HR unresponsive to his acts against you? I understand that people ignore sexism regularly, but I would imagine the legal implications would be enough to make censure him.

 

Thanks, Dom. They basically said that they couldn't do anything without proof. How I'm supposed to get proof..I have no idea. His dad is a huge contributor to the hospital and I honestly think that has a lot to do with it. I would try anything if my job wouldn't be put in jeopardy and I know that's what will happen.

 

Is there an Ethics hotline through your employer you can call? I know that has been effective for others where I work, and it will typically prompt an investigation. Most HR policy/procedures will state something about interpretation, and if you interpret his actions as inappropriate (which they clearly are) then HR is required to act. I wouldn't let it go, but it's hard to say not being in your situation. Best of luck though, scum like that need to be dealt with, as I'm sure he could be doing the same with others.

 

The only way to get proof, I'd imagine, is to get the nurses to confirm his behaviour and/or record his behaviour. Either way, it puts both yourself and others in a position of weakness and vulnerability. Would they be willing to corroborate what you've told them? Also, feel free to tell me to fuck off or not ask any questions, because I don't want to make you relive anything traumatic. I looked through some stuff online and the laws essentially put the onus upon the woman to deal with it, which ends up giving the offender more time to develop means to punish or combat the story in various ways. This world is just so fucking terrible for women.

 

I'll check for the Ethics hotline thing. Thanks for bringing that to my attention bc I had no clue.

I always appreciate your input. They will corroborate my claim but we think Georgia has that wiretapping law where it's a crime to film without consent from the other party. It's hard to be positive when there are so many obstacles in the way. Plus I'm too broke for a lawyer if it came down to being fired for no reason and taken to court or something.

 

In my own experience, I've had to be pretty demanding to HR with things like "I want this looked into" "I expect something to be done'' and if it gets far enough, threatening to take it as high up as you need to in order to have it addressed. People working in HR know in the back of their minds that their job is on the line if they ignore an obvious workplace violation, and are liable in a way for any potential inactions. They don't want that, so even if it's difficult because of who this guy is or what he means in terms of $$ for the Hospital, I'm sure there's someone in HR that wants to do the right thing regardless of hospital agendas. I don't know you, but this hits home for me, and I care very much that you're able to get through it and find a positive place in the end. Friggin scum bag...I hate people like that.

 

I have a couple friends in HR at another hospital and they're appalled.

 

I like this. College should be a place where you go to expand the bubble you've lived in all your life, instead of demanding everything around you change so you can shield yourself from any opinion that does not reflect your own.

An article I ready about the U of Chicago mentioned another university that had a "safe space" with cookies, play-dough, and a video of puppies playing where students could go if they felt offended. I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure treating adults like they're kindergartners isn't beneficial.

 

I imagine they just didn't understand what safe spaces right, also my college experience wasn't super liberal, I mean Mike Huckabee spoke at my school which was a liberal arts college in New York

 

That's a blanket statement that does not at all represent what safe spaces are meant for.

 

Maybe they don't have to record the person in question, they can simply confirm to HR that they've seen this behaviour on repeated occasions and often feel the need to be present when he is around you, so he doesn't go too far. I think that would be sufficient for HR to at least attempt to address it. That's the only thing that I can see as being viable. I also think there are practices out there that deal with this sort of thing and offer free assessments of the situation, who can offer better advice than most of us here. A cursory look on google lead me this this place, for example:

Sexual Harassment


/not assuming you haven't done or searched for any of this, just trying to help.

 

Providing spaces for people who have been traumatized in the past is not the same thing as infantilizing adults. It is being inclusive and accounting for those folks so as to create a better, more democratic experience for students. The idea that it is about being sheltered is, on its face, fucking stupid and people who buy into it are either ignorant or intellectually dishonest about what they're actually trying to achieve by being against safe spaces and trigger warnings; that is, they're likely trying to return campus to an arena in which men dominated and could tell rape jokes indiscriminately.

 

Good to know the counseling center will now be, like everywhere else, a place queer people worry they will be judged and mistreated...

 

Leslie Jones Website Hack Under Investigation By Department Of Homeland Security

 

Dom already did a great job addressing this, but this particular sentiment really bothers me.

This is the opposite of the point of a "trigger warning". The point isn't to shelter yourself from reality. The point is to create a space where people have seen a bit too much of the darker sides of reality firsthand so that they can learn and be introduced to concepts in a healthy environment.

For example:

When I was younger, a very close male relative beat the living hell out of me on an almost daily basis. This was almost always because I annoyed him, and was always preceded by yelling.

The trigger: when men yell or become even remotely combative, I freeze. I shrink. It becomes difficult to breathe, to keep from having a complete breakdown. This is an involuntary reaction. This is PTSD.

In college, my first long-term relationship was incredibly psychologically and emotionally abusive. Half-truths, gaslighting and the systematic destruction of my self-esteem were such common occurrences that by the end of it, I was a shell of a human being. I spent the entire relationship suspended in a state of limbo because I was never given timely, honest or accurate information, and was in turn blamed for whatever came from that. When the person who says they love you more than anyone creates a climate where you never know what's true, it does a number on you. I only left because I was going to die if I didn't. It has been almost 3 years, and I am still recovering.

The trigger: I have become incredibly type-A about communication. When people lie, tell half-truths, or otherwise behave as though they are not responsible for their own poor communication skills, I get the mother of all anxiety attacks and it takes every ounce of self control I have not to freak out on them because it instantly transports me back to that headspace where I couldn't trust that anything about my life was reliable or true. This is harder to explain than the hitting - and in that way, it's worse because intangible things are always harder to believe. Basically, my brain recognizes the behavior, recognizes the way it makes me feel, and tells me that it's happening again. It TRIGGERS a visceral response that is, again, involuntary. This is PTSD.

But do you know what makes it easier? Warning. If I know I am heading into a situation where a man is going to get angry, I can better steel myself against it. If I know I'm dealing with someone I can't trust, I can go into the interaction with that mindset if opting out isn't a viable choice. It really, REALLY helps.

Trigger warnings are not created to "baby" adults. Their purpose is so that people who drew the short end of the stick more than a time or two aren't blindsided by having to re-live the awful things that were done to them for the sake of "shock value" or "not being PC". It isn't about censorship, or not covering the topics at hand - it's about basic human kindness and providing resources to people so that they can healthily engage with said topics. People who need trigger warnings know damn well that the world isn't a safe space. That's why they so desperately want one from time to time.

 

I mentioned that a woman in the community was shot by her ex, as well as her kid and her new bf. there's a big self care talk thing about it today and I dread it in the way that I don't wanna get all emotional at work. The other option is more training if there's a shooter so either way it's gonna be emotionally draining. Blegh.

 

Fancy that. Noam Chomsky was right about porn.

 

Ms. Marvel's (Kamala Khan) outfit is actually a burkini turned into a super heroine costume. I hope Marvel jumps on this and has her on a beach in France beating up cops.

 

thanks for posting this.

 

Teenager sexually assaulted at Selena Gomez concert

Trump’s campaign CEO once charged in domestic violence case

 

Brock Turner judge to no longer hear criminal cases - CNN.com

 

the irony