Saves The Day Band • Page 66

If you read several comments ago, Benjamin Lee talked about a guy attempting to kill himself because of abuse allegations.

 

This is NOT a safe place at all because no one sympathizes with everyone it’s always conditional here. I am not ok’ing anything Chris did and I never did dude.

 

I'm a victim of sexual assault and abuse, and I hope my offenders were able to get better and not do the shit they did to me again. But I wouldn't want to see their wellness prioritized in any way. I kind of regret my initial comment, it came out pretty off from how I feel about this. I have a human baseline level of care, but Chris can also go fuck himself.

 

"Everyone loving everyone" doesn't solve anything. It's applying logic you would tell to a three year old to a complicated, systemic issue based on power and cultural norms.

 

i can only post the Elliot digging her own grave gif so many times please

 

I’m truly sorry for all the hurt and pain you have been through, my heart goes out to you. You didn’t deserve anything that happened to you.

 

Thank you. It’s one of those things where it was long enough ago to where it doesn’t hurt me constantly, but those memories definitely get drudged up when this kind of stuff happens and it still hurts. One of the offenders was someone I considered a friend, so I think subconsciously I do want to agree with you on everything and worry about Chris on a deeper level. But yeah, anyway. I don’t want my shit to take up anymore of the thread. I’d just suggest taking a step back on this one. You can care about Chris, that’s fine. But not many will be as sentimental and they’re right to be that way. You seem like a nice guy, so I’d just say that in this case, inclusivity is caring for the victims and letting the offender fade into obscurity.

 

They were already fading into obscurity.

 

I mean... That's what happens when you release a record like 9.

 

Still curious if any current or past members will make a statement

 

The apology shouldn't be for us is what resonates to me. He should apologize to the victim privately, seek mental health treatment and end the band that enabled him to cultivate abusive habits. The fact that there are any justifications in there are scary. Any sympathy/recovery "hopes" are just unwarranted. He should have no public platform from here on out and recognize that.

"High horse." - No. I want to believe posters on here have never committed premeditated psychological abuse and groomed someone from 11 years old. Holy fuck man.

 

As a life long Saves The Day fan and also someone in recovery from addiction/alcoholism (6 years on monday, woo!) Chris needs to get the fuck out of any type of spotlight, shut off his avenues for communication and stay out the spotlight the rest of his life while he changes his life and who he is.

Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, and it means extreme self-centerness, major delusional thoughts, ideas of self grandeur and a master at being manipulative. It manifests in many different ways whether the person is drinking a lot at the time or they are dry, for Chris it manifested in this awful very very disturbing/abusive way. Whatever it is, I can definitely tell you it's no excuse and not something that's just a side effect of being an alcoholic. Plenty of people who suffer from the same thing have done nothing at all like that.

I can't stand the forgiving word salad people give those in 'recovery' (if they really are even trying to change themselves) when someone admits they have a problem.

Again, for Chris, if he wants any hope of changing, bow out and be done forever. Him sticking around in any capacity will always affect at least a solid chunk of his former fans. He doesn't deserve the spotlight anymore, he does deserve to live a decent life the rest of his life if he goes away, changes, makes true amends (some that will be lifelong) and we never hear from him again.

Sadly I doubt any of that happens.

 

It's crazy to think how many people were inspired by Saves The Day, bands like Fall Out Boy and stuff who have even bigger platforms, and now to see that this is the person behind all the music they loved. What a shitty human being and just knowing that he not only abused another person and a relationship, but has been doing so since that person was ELEVEN years old is beyond fucked up.

As someone who truly went off on a MAJOR spree of loving Saves The Day when I was an adolescent and continue to hold certain songs to my heart, this blows. Chris always seemed all over the place and has consistently shown us his problems with his mental health and alcohol, but seeing it at this level...the levels of delusion and manipulation are insane.

I hope the abused find solace. It was very hard to read that story on IG, I couldn't even get through all of them because after the first 8 pages it was just fucking nuts. No one deserves to have that happen to them.

 

Out of curiosity (and for my own mental well-being) how do you all handle stuff like this? Do you purge everything? Do you try to forget what the music/band meant to you?

This is the first big band that I dedicated a portion of my mind and heart to that has had something like this happen. If I found out that this was going on with like MCS or something, I think I'd just shut down.

 

I was numb when I read about it. It’s been lingering in my thoughts, it’s probably best to just let it sit for a little while.

Showing concern for these individuals that have been hurt comes first, it’s important to focus on their emotions. As much as Chris Conley had respect and love in the scene he hurt ppl that I’m sure loved him. It wouldn’t be a surprise if he hurt them more than doubly the hurt fans are experiencing, ya know? It’s fucked up, it’s sad, it’s heartbreaking.

As fans of saves the day we should place our collective energy on concern and care for the individuals that were abused, because I’d imagine there’s more pain there.

 

I've always had mental health issue myself, but I've never understood how someone could do something like this to someone else. My mind just doesn't work that way. Every single one of his actions was so troubling that I don't know how he didn't know what he was doing was terrible.

 

It’s a sad truth we have to accept and move on from. For some it takes longer than others, but that’s totally fine.

It’s gross and sometimes unimaginable, those kinds of actions. but people do lack self-awareness, though I’m not certain Chris Conley was unaware.

i hope you can get through this with nice and healthy outlets. I’ve been a regular reader on this forum, occasional poster, and I just see nice, amazing, and supportive people posting here. This is definitely a place you can express your thoughts on the matter, even help you overcome the heavies that have surfaced from this sad news.

but I can’t stress it enough that we shouldn’t place our sadness before theirs, I’m trying my best to not do that.

 

Realistically, I have no problem moving on, it's just music and I can easily delete the songs and in a few months or a year I'll just forget, but it's just weird thinking about hearing one of their songs coming on and then thinking of this situation and being like "oh shit, you over romanticized the FUCK out of these things" and such

 

Personally, I don't agree with those who say they can continue listening to the music by "separating art from artist" nor do I agree with purging everything. For each individual fan, this is going to look different.

I don't think a person should forget what a band meant to them in the past, even if that band ends up committing heinous acts. I think it's important to acknowledge that a band/artist provided the soundtrack to particularly happy, sad, troubling, or grief-stricken parts of your life. Morrissey helped get me through my dad's death. David Bowie helped me make so many friends growing up. I'll never be able to forget the importance of them and other artists like Michael Jackson, Ryan Adams, and yes, Saves, in my life.

I know many people will say that you have to cut a band's/artist work out of your life entirely, not to give them another cent. I don't see it that way; music can be a really important key to one's memory and can be immensely therapeutic. So I'll probably listen to "Shoulder to the Wheel" or "The Choke" occasionally, to briefly remember high school friends and those feelings. I won't feel guilty about listening to artists that I have a personal connection with. It's okay for them to make a streaming nickel from me every once in a while.

But I also won't derive the same joy out of it as I once did. I will never again buy merch or see them on tour again. I will never again fall down youtube rabbit holes, watching old live footage for hours. I'll never again make any more posts on chorus.fm about my "top 25 songs." I'll never again defend In Reverie. I'll never again put on SWYA at a party. I will never play them on car trips with my kids (if I ever have any). I'll never again be a fan of this person. And when I do listen to an occasional song, I will never derive the same enjoyment I used to, because Chris is a criminal scumbag.

 

I don’t have much to add here other than this sucks. I feel sorry for all of Chris’s victims who have had to deal with his actions over the years.

Hopefully he gets the help that he needs.

 

It just sucks that between Saves the Day and Brand New with obvious overly misogynistic lyrics that as teens I think most of us never considered but angstly related to but thought was metaphorical ended up being a little bit too real. I definitely can't put on a tune of either of those bands and not translate their minds/thoughts coming from severely negative realities instead of metaphorical feeling.

People make life mistakes. "Mistakes" don't include long term grooming and severe predatorily abusive relationships. I don't judge someone who listens, but I'm shark tank Out. And I just hope the victims find support and solace.

 

I think a lot of those thoughts and ideas appealed to us when we were angsty teenagers, because those are just the kind of thoughts angsty teenagers have. I think the problem is that a lot of guys in bands never grow out of that mindset. And when they are given positions of power and fame, I think it actually reinforces those attitudes and prevents them from maturing into respectful adults. I wish there was an easy remedy for this, but it has always been an issue in the scene.

 

Chris specifically has been in this scene since he was 16 and got fame pretty early. Clearly went to his head and has damaged countless relationships and lives during his life.

 

Have any previous band members ever spoke out about working with Chris? I do wonder how many left STD because of him, vs. how many people he might have kicked out.