(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 155

How long has it been since she's contacted you? Hopefully she's just busy, I know personally I can be bad about texting back quickly during the work week.

 

I'm the queen of opening texts and forgetting to respond.

 

I'm probably just being paranoid. She didn't say much yesterday which seemed weird. She did text me back this morning

 

Feature request. Can we get forever alone as an option for our relationship status?

 

I agree with that request. I also wish Facebook would have that option too

 

Was talking to a girl recently (talking on a daily basis and hanging out every weekend) and shared with her some personal stuff about me. I've battled with depression a couple times in my past., and that both my parents have it as well. She than uses that as a reason for not wanting to date me because she doesn't know how my depression will affect her daughter or any children we could of had in the future together. She basically used something personal that I shared with her against me and as for a reason of not wanting to be with me. I called her out on it and her response was that she's looking out for her daughter and whose comes into her daughter's life ( I never met her daughter). I just felt like that was a bitch move to do.

 

I wouldn't call it a bitch move, but she sounds like not too great of a person. She also sounds uneducated about mental health issues. I know it might be tough, but you're better off without someone who has a mindset like that.

 

Brief preface: I've been living with major depression since I was 6.

I say this with nothing but compassion in my heart for you, because I've been there - if someone finds out about your mental illness and isn't comfortable being with you as a result, that reaction is always for the best. If she's not okay just with the theoretical, there's no way she'd have been able to be the partner that you need. Not everyone is cut out for it. It doesn't make her a bitch, it just makes her human and humans in general are not great with handling new kinds of adversity.

Does it suck? Yes. Was she being perhaps unintentionally cruel in bringing up children that don't exist? It could be. And it's totally valid that your feelings are hurt right now. But perspective matters and feeling how she feels doesn't automatically make her a bad person. Depression has huge implications for the lives of the people we love, as much as our own, and it just boils down to accepting that being honest with people about it will mean that not everybody is willing to deal. It's better you find out now.

 

sucks she did that since you probably liked her a lot and opened up to her, but not a "bitch move" in any way. if she doesn't want to be involved with someone that has that going on, that's well within her right. goes back to requirements / preferences. some people only get involved with college graduates, or people who don't live with their parents or don't have roommates, some people don't get involved with people who have a history of mental illness. it's all part of putting their own personal puzzle together with the right pieces.

 

My advice; if it wasn't me I couldn't go back, BUT if you feel strongly enough in your relationship that you think it's worth a shot, then do it. The only thing I'll say is that if you decide to move forward with the relationship, you have to be able to accept that this may happen again. This isn't saying that you're going into it believing she'll do it again, just know that that's a possibility. While the past is the past, it exist to help us make better decisions about our future. Who knows, you may stick together and it works out wonderfully, but the opposite is also a real possibility. As long as you know this going forward, it will help you better understand what your choice actually means.

 

In my experience, there's only one question you need to find the answer to in deciding where to go from here.

Can you trust her?

That's the only question that matters. Not your love for each other. Not her regret. Not the past. None of it matters unless you can figure out whether or not you can find it in yourself to trust her again. Without implicit trust, no relationship can work no matter how much love there is in it.

So you have to answer that question. You don't have to tell any of us - just tell yourself. Be honest, and trust your instincts.

 

Yeah I'm beginning to understand that, good to know about this now, rather than years down the road.

And maybe it was my fault for telling her about it, granted we had just starting talking/hanging out, but I felt like I could open up to her, without her judging me by it. "Bitch move" was just me putting my anger into words. But like I said, I felt comfortable enough to share something like that with her, only for her to use it as the primary reason of not wanting to be with me.

I was just really hurt by her decision, that's all. Because we had a great connection and got along really well, and than she just hit me with this decision the other day.

 

My 5 and a half year relationship is ending and it hurts more than anything in the world

 

Sorry to hear about that.

 

Happened to me last year, same thing 5 1/2 year relationship. It's so cliché, but time is all you need. I couldn't eat for like a week, but as time went on, I surrounded myself with friends and started to feel better and better. A year later, and I couldn't be happier with my situation.

Anyway, I hope that's somewhat encouraging and that you feel better soon.

 

Commiserations. It's going to hurt for a while I'm afraid, but it does get better. It's a cliché, but use the time to do what you want to do. I found that making lots of plans to go visit friends and such like helped to ease the pain and once you start to feel better, you can start doing your own thing again.

 

Thank you... it's tough because I really don't have any friends at this point, they all have moved away. So part of the struggle is feeling really, really alone. I mean we lived together so it's like going from having your best f riend around all the time to being completely isolated. I really hope I can say the same in a year.

Thanks....this is so pathetic but it's like I don't even know what "my own thing" is. When your entire adult life was spent with someone ... I mean I don't even know who I am without him. Just because everything that makes me me..happened with him. Does that make sense?

 

Yeah, your situation sounds a lot like mine. I lived with her for like 4 years. 'Cept at the end, we got kicked outta the house we were at, she broke up with me, and then started dating my best friend. It will get better, i promise.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I was 18 when I started dating her, so honestly the breakup helped me find out who exactly i was. When you're 18 and get in a 5 1/2 year relationship, it's easy to lose sight of that.

 

How long is the "normal" amount of time in a relationship before you tell the person you love them? I have been with a new girl for about a month, and we are both saying things to each other that hint at it without literally saying it. I think the feelings are developing quickly for both of us, but I don't want to rush things.

 

for me, a month is wayyyyyy too soon for someone to tell me they love me and vice versa. I'd say a year to be on the safe side

 

I told my girlfriend like 2-3 months in, I think.

 

I certainly am not there yet, and I wouldn't want to tell her even for a while after. But I guess my reason for asking was to see when others typically get to that point.

 

There's no right answer for this question. Some might say you should say it as soon as you know. I told a girlfriend of 2 years two months into the relationship. All depends on the relationship and you as well.

 

Been with my fiance for 7 years. I think I said it like 2 months in?