(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 12

24 and have been with my SO for 4 years. Prior to that I was in a 2 year relationship and prior to that a 6 month one. I messed around a bit in between those serious relationships but I think the longest I've been single after learning that dating was a thing was a little more than a year

 

Being single is definitely fun. If I was in a relationship where I was constantly being choked to the point I couldn't act single I would probably give that up.

And by act single I don't mean hook up with other people, just have times where I can turn into a hermit and just binge on shows or videogames.

 

It's not that I COULDN'T do those things before, but for some reason, I just became way lazier. Just going to work/school, and coming home to my GF was fine with me. But now, I get bored, and somehow that makes me more productive.

EDIT: I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years. From 18-24.

 

My SO is similar. She doesn't socialize with a lot of people since she prefers staying indoors. I had the incredible luck of knowing someone who was a classmate of hers during college. I initially liked her because she liked Brand New and Taking Back and all those bands. She told me then she didn't really mind being single as she didn't want to waste time being with guys she vaguely liked. Had to be someone she really really liked.

I feel like you're doing the right thing doing your own thing.

 

I'm closing in on 25 and can relate. I'm not as shy as I used to be, but I'm still a little uncomfortable with reaching out/meeting new people.

 

wow. Those years are pretty much (I think) when you transition from a petty teenager to someone who starts to give a fuck about life and all those stuff. I couldn't even begin to imagine how it feels like to spend those with just one person.

 

Oh believe me, if I could go back I'd do things differently cause now I have some perspective. My mom had just passed away like 6 months prior, and I think subconsciously, I just wanted someone there for me as I went out blindly into the college world. I don't regret dating the girl either, I just shouldn't have been with her THAT long.

 

I think I've been single for 4-5 years with a sporadic date/guy who turns out to be a huge creep thrown in every now and then and I'm 29. A relationship is just not a priority for me. I sometimes think life might be better with a partner but I'm pretty ok with being alone, too.

 

Exactly.

 

I've been single for probably around five or six years. Before that was an on/off thing with my daughter's mom. Thanks to online dating I'm usually talking to someone but it hasn't gone anywhere

 

Let's see if I can reply to everyone in one message...


@xkhiemster but your brother has dated before. I haven't, which is my ~issue. haha

@zigbigwig them being shy isn't something that immediately crosses my mind. I don't think every guy I've met in my 25+ years was just shy and afraid to make a move. I'm at a point where I'm deathly afraid to make a move just because the guys I'm interested in never seem to be interested in me back, and I don't want to feel like a fool and get rejected.

@DesolateEarth I don't talk to people either, I avoid the subject if I can. If someone end up asking "why don't you have a bf" I don't know what to say and I make something up, because saying the truth of "guys don't want to date" will just lead a a response that will make me mad. I feel like the longer I stay single, the more awkward and shy I get.

@chubacca that may work for some people, but not me. It's another one of those responses I hear all the time from people that grind my gears. I work most of the time, and once I find a full time job, I will be working more. The only "hobby" I want to get back to doing is teaching myself korean. Imagine how it feels to never get asked on dates while everyone else is, seeing everyone get in relationships/engaged, trying to talk to someone you have an interest in only to realize they're probably not interested in you, being used, and not even having ONE chance. A lot of people don't realize how much that hurts and how lonely it makes you feel. Everyone seems to think "enjoy being single", but when you've been single your entire life, its pretty hard to do. Especially if you don't have many friends and the few friends you have are in relationships.

 

@neptune, it will not be easy, but you will have to find the strength and confidence to have loneliness, challenges of the dating scene, and outside peers not affect you. You say it's "not for me," but something has to give. If attitude, time, work/effort doesn't change, how will your results change? Unless you're trying to vent your issues, then that's something different.

Find time for yourself to be happy, regardless if you have a full time job with a busy schedule. I truly believe if you want something, you must make the time for it, regardless of full time work commitments. Do things in your control to limit your relationship pressures and thoughts. For example, get off social media where couples/engagements/relationships are constantly displaying updates, it will get much worse when you get older.

 

You're not understanding where I'm coming from. Maybe you never will. Most don't. Those type of responses come from people who don't understand. I know you're trying to help, but responses such as the ones you're giving don't help. I hear them often. They've never helped me feel better.

 

I got asked out often when I lived in the city. I'm invisible here tho lol. I really don't think I'll ever be interested in someone in this town and I think the feeling is mutual. I virtually never get noticed or asked out here ever and admittedly my self esteem was always super low in hs partly because of it. Having guys be interested in everyone but me made me think something was wrong with me but I think it was my fault too for being shy/oblivious. Then moving to the city the guys were like haaaaay. But now I'm back in the town where nobody looks at me lol. I'm cool with it tho. Sometimes I'd like someone to hang out with consistently but a friend can fill that space too. It's just finding a friend not consumed by their bf or baby or whatever.

 

I miss that intimacy. It's nice.

 

Sometimes, I feel like Jim waiting on Pam to be single

 

I can relate to some of this. I came to this city partnered up and then she vanished. It was not pretty.

Now I'm back together and happy again, but I never really meet anyone I really click with here. I've been on dates every so often and I've met some nice girls, but they're never quite who I seem to need them to be. I seem to keep ending up with friends I find physically attractive, but not people I want to actually be in a proper relationship with.

At least, I hope it's the city to blame and I'm not just completely faulty. :D

 

I have had a handful of work crushes, but have all but given up on the idea of dating a coworker since it always seems to end poorly for me.

 

Well, she's not a coworker but the situation still applies

 

Dating a coworker is never a good idea, speaking from personal experience.

 

No kidding.

I'm not even sure I'd want to date someone from a place that I frequent. If it doesn't work out, I can't go to that place anymore lol.

 

Am I wrong in thinking I'd rather date someone I'm already close friends with (who knows a lot of the same people I do)?

 

Neptune, I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope things get better. Maybe they won't. But, I know how encompassing the loneliness can be and how alienating one can feel. There is no actual answer, but there are potentials that can be actualized.

 

I found myself doing this a lot

 

Like 90% of the time that I actually wish I was in a relationship is because I just want someone to take naps with.