New Girl (FOX) TV Show • Page 26

From everything I've seen Jake Johnson is literally Nick in real life

 

my sister turns 29 this week. you know what that means

 

Started a re-watch recently(currently half way through season 2) and this is honestly one of the funniest shows ever

 

It’s Regan’s last day at the loft; Nick is thinking of how he should not interact with her the whole day: “I’m going to shut up, until we say goodbye, and then, I’m going to hit her with a ‘goosebumps walkaway’”. - Schmidt: “I don’t know who he is, is he an old fashioned baseball player?” - Nick: “‘Goosebumps walkaway’ is the line the guy says to the girl, in the movie, that gives her goosebumps, and then he walks away forever; it’s that line that..” - Schmidt: “That haunts her, that consumes her, that rings in her ear for all of eternity, granting you...” - Nick and Schmidt, together: “Immortality”


Jess and Regan at the lawn bowling field, trying to get the juror’s name she likes; Nick shows up to help. Regan: “I like that guy, really? He calls hand sanitizer ‘ham sanitizer’” - Jess: “He calls DNA ‘D and A’”


Nick to Schmidt: “Are you ok? You look grey.” - Schmidt: “I didn’t sleep. I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. I’m calling it d-day. Of course in this situation, the ‘d’ stands for ‘decisions’, and unlike the other d-day, it will not be a walk on the beach.” - Jess: “That’s incredibly offensive.”


Jess, offering to help Schmidt with wedding planning: “Sometimes I think I was bred in a lab to help people.” - Winston: “You know what else they bred in the lab? Pugs.” - Jess then with a confused look on her face


Cece: “Thank you Jess, that would be great!” - Schmidt: “Uh no Cece, I don’t have time to bring her up to speed. Throwing her into the fray now would be like putting a baby on the treadmill; she would just....shoot off.”


Winston meets Nick at the restaurant bar; Nick: “Winston, where have you been? I’ve been waiting an hour.” - Winston: “Work was crazy, okay? I busted a poker room, which was a front for a crack house, which was a front for a brothel. It was a crime turducken.”


Jess is cake tasting, with the live video for Schmidt; she gets annoyed with him, so points the video at a water feature thing, and then starts singing “Genie In A Bottle” quietly, which makes Schmidt fall asleep


Schmidt: “Salmon mongers are filed under fuchsia, because I ‘re-fuchsia’ to serve salmon at this wedding. The groomsmen tuxes are under magenta, because ‘ma-gentlemen’ will be wearing the dope tuxes.”


Jess, talking about the voicemail she left Sam - “To lighten the mood I told a little story about how the 1st grader’s pet rabbit, got stuck in the lawn mower, and I had to....I had to collect it” - Schmidt: “That’s a terrible story” - Winston: “Colonel Flap Ears??”


Schmidt, in reference to the bar across the street doing valet and taking all their parking spots: “I’ve been saying for months that we need valet; is there anything sexier than tossing your keys in the general direction of someone you care nothing about? ‘Huh, keep it runnin’!”


When Jess is in the back of Sam’s truck, and then the truck goes into the car wash. She gets out (Sam is listening to Selena Gomez), and then she jumps onto the hood of the truck and yells “I’m not crazy!”


Jess recounting to Nick the dream she had; “It wasn’t something that actually happened; it was...historical” - Nick: “Ohhh, historical, so was there a dragon?” - Jess: “No, it was historical. You think dragons are real?” - Nick: “I think there’s been a lot of debate about it, and there’s a lot of blogs about it, and I know that as a fact ‘cause I’ve written one”


Cece - “How’s the planning of the bachelor party coming?” - Schmidt - “Well Tokyo is not happening; turns out Nick booked the trip on a website called ‘pricelive.cob’ - that’s a scam, I’m sure of it”


Winston, drunk on whiskey at the bar on the bachelor party road trip - “You know what’d be a good plan; you get a job at a Raisin Bran factory, right? You start stealing all the raisins ok? You follow? Then you hydrate those raisins to make them turn back into grapes, and you sell the grapes - there’s no overhead, annddd you’re a very rich man”


Jess, Cece, and Winston’s cop girlfriend arrested for stealing bread maker, in mall lost and found - “...and it’s all just baby shoes! And babies don’t even need shoes; why not put that money towards something worthwhile, like a cute hat or a raincoat - ha, baby raincoat..haha...it’s like, just like a little baby meteorologist, hehehe”


Jess and Schmidt in the men’s bathroom at his work - “This is my wedding workshop. See, I’m the only guy in the building; well, except of course Ryan, but I pay Ryan $8 a day to do his poops at the big box store across the street.”


Jess left the bathroom to go on an idea walk; Schmidt starts looking for her - “Oh, uh, Penelope; have you seen a girl wondering around, um, looks like a drawing of a best friend that an 8 year old would make”


About Jess’ towel that Nick used - Jess: “You didn’t even get clean before you used the towel” - Nick: “It’s called a French whore’s bath” - Jess: “You wouldn’t make a dime as a French whore” - Cece: “You’d make zero dollars” - Nick: “I’d make millions, millions, bonjour, croissant, millions”


Nick, in reference to Humpty Dumpty - “So what kind of king, uses all those resources, to put together...one...egg” - Schmidt: “It’s a parable, Humpty Dumpty is the king” - Nick: “...................who told you that”


Nick, to Schmidt’s Dad - “Let me show you something” - proceeds to lift a piece of the floor and grab a bottle of bourbon - Schmidt: “How much hooch do you have stored in this place? You mountain person!”


Schmidt and Cece making out in front of the group - Winston: “Get it while you can, because it gets boring; same old lips, year after year, with no spark, just dead tongues touchin’ like...decayed salmon” - Schmidt: “Oh my god Winston!!” - Winston: “I did it!”


Scene he’s trying to help Schmidt re-write his vows - Nick: “In my last zombie novel ‘Uh Oh Guts’, the big idea was that there were too many guts!” - camera then shows Winston with an inquisitive look on his face


Nick - “There’s always seven types of stories; I’m going to list them

1. Man vs Man

2. Man vs Dog

3. Dog vs Zombie

4. James Bond

5. Stories of Kings and Lords

6. Women Over 50 Fighting Themselves After Divorce

7. Car Commercial”


Winston pops up from the sand between Schmidt and Cece on the beach - “Honeymoon prraaannnkk! What y’all drinkin’??”


Nick, cutting up vegetables for Thanksgiving - “Knives are a part of me, like that..uhhh..scissor hand guy; what is his name again? Is it Rick Snip?”


Nick, agreeing to help Schmidt get his Dad back with his girlfriend, looks up and says “Look Mom, I’m going to be a hero” - Schmidt: “Why are you looking up? Your mother is still alive” - Nick: “I’m looking at Chicago” - Schmidt: “You think Chicago is up?” - Nick: “It’s North” - Schmidt then has a very confused look on his face


Robbie gives his speech about Jess, but then falls down, causing the Turkey to be dropped on the floor. Nick: “Turkey’s down! Turkey’s down! It still looks good! Temperature still looks good!” And then proceeds to pick up the hot Turkey, before throwing it all the wall, destroying it. Schmidt: “What the hell you doin’??”


Nick - “Schmidt, I love ya, but you’re not a man of the people” - Schmidt: “Of course I’m not a man of the people, I’m above the people; I want the people to build things for me”


Nick to Jess, discussing how the group doesn’t want to do Christmas this season: “Look, Jess, Christmas is just so stressful, with the lists and the lines, and the dancing girls at TV Town Song Room” - Schmidt: “TV Town Song Room? Do you mean Radio City Music Hall? How could you get so many things wrong in a row?”


Schmidt, in reference to Winston having an alias for the secret Santa gift he ordered, which Schmidt didn’t sign for: “You screwed the pooch on this one Winston!” - Winston: “Me? I didn’t screw the pooch! You didn’t sign for it!” - Schmidt: “How was I supposed to sign for Garagaroo’s package?! You and your dang ol alias’; you have a new alias every day Winston. Garagaroo! Kenneth!” - Winston: “But that was me clearly!! Kenneth! Kenneth! Rick Smits! Big Poppi Jones!” - Schmidt: “These are the dumbest names I’ve ever heard!” - Winston: “Pontius Pilot??” - Schmidt: “AKA idiot!”


Nick and Winston don’t want to do the Brazilian wax at the spa with Schmidt; Nick: “I’m out; as my Mother says at every party she goes to, ‘no one touches my purse’”


Nick: “Ok, I don’t care how big the park is, if there is a loose bear in it, I’m not going in the park!”

 

I’m very upset I never finished this while it was on Netflix.

 

Over here all seasons were on Netflix, and then they removed season 1 only. Similarly, all Modern Family seasons were on there, and now it’s just three random middle seasons. How does that happen?

 

many times it's different studios that hold the streaming rights to different seasons, it gets especially more complicated when there are multiple territories to deal with

 

jeans isn’t a letter! jeans is pants!

 

I say "waters of rage" all the time

 

In my mind this show has been about Cece’s arc

 

cece is actually the new girl

 

Nick, Schmidt, and Cece on the roof of Schmidt’s work building; they notice his boss crying on the roof. Nick: “She’s not going to get off this roof; I know how to handle this” - Schmidt: “Are you out of your mind? Are you just going to materialize out of thin air on a rooftop??” - Nick: “Easy, I work here; I’m a window washer and I finally got to the top floor. You don’t like that one? How about this one; I’m a traffic guy, and I fell out of the news chopper”


When Winston dresses as a bobcat and goes to the bus station bathroom to propose, only for Allie to freak out upon seeing him and kick him hard into the wall


Nick calls satellite radio “space radio”


Winston feels CPR is witchcraft


Nick and Reagan in bed; Nick: “We haven’t seen each other, don’t you want to catch up?” - Reagan: “Yes, fine, what happened to you today?” - Nick: “I saw a seagull in the backseat of a moving car”


Nick tries to break up with Reagan, but instead invites her on a train trip to San Diego


Jess’s Dad stays busy in his house by crushing used cans


Wait, Schmidt is his last name?? His first name is Winston!!


Winston to Schmidt: “We have tried every single variation - fat Winston, thin Winston? Too derogatory. Black Winston, Jew Winston? Obviously problematic. Hot Winston, ugly Winston? Now that nearly tore us apart”


Nick on the phone with Jess’s Dad; Dad: “Let me ask you a question; you’re in the ocean with Jess, and a shark starts coming towards you; what do you do?” - Nick: “Which ocean?” - Dad: “Eh, I don’t know, Pacific!” - Nick: “What type of shark?” - Dad: “What the hell difference does it make??” - Nick: “Well if it’s a Hammerhead you just tickle it between the sideways eyes and you have a companion for life”


Jess is describing to Schmidt how she had to leave Nick’s book reading without telling him how she feels - Schmidt: “To play devil’s advocate he was just talking about characters in his novel; I mean, look, the character based on me is a Jewish psychopath who wears a bolo tie and eats applesauce out of a baboon skull”


Nick to Schmidt: “An editor wants to publish my book!” - Schmidt: “Pass immediately and start a bidding war. I’m getting ahead of myself, Mazel! That’s incredible Nick!”


Cece having a 3rd birthday party for her daughter; Jess: “Feminist icons, very sophisticated theme; at my 3rd birthday party the theme was hamburgers”


Nick: “I got to go meet with my editor; we’re going to talk about the latest Pepperwood” - Jess: “Oh, the one you’re in Europe? He’s going to love it! Huh, way more than the last book he published - ‘Deedee, The Girl With A.D.D.’ - that wouldn’t even keep my attention, hahaha”


Nick: “Enough guys! Merle hated my last draft; he said Pepperwood is over” - Schmidt: “What??” - Winston: “I kill him” - Nick: “He wants me to pitch new ideas by tomorrow” - Winston(serious tone): “You can’t pitch new ideas to a dead man”


Ruth calls Nick “Mr Diarrhea Head”


Jess barges into Russell’s meeting, demanding she join, only to find out it’s a Divorced Fathers Support group - Jess: “Oh that’s why you’re crying”


Jess is twirling in circles with Ruth, as her personal tutor: “See Schmidt, we’re not cutting circles, we’re being circles” - Schmidt: “Right, of course, Ruth can’t hold a scissor, but now she can twirl around like a goon at a Phish show”


Jess to Schmidt, with Ruth nearby: “The point is, I know about private schools, and the whole system is corrupt. Said the very fuzzy bunny” - Schmidt: “Until the Jewish carrot farmer brought down his mighty shovel” - Ruth: “The whole system is corrupt” - Cece walks in as she says this and in a serious tone asks “What’s going on”

 

I just watched the Spiderhunt episode and forgot how hilarious it was when Nick thought Jess was talking about the popcorn machine when she was really talking about Cece.

Jess - "I've known Cece a very long time, and I can promise you the smell will not be a problem."
Nick - "That's really easy for you to say 'cause you're not the one who's gonna have to remind her to clean it all the time."
Jess - "I promise you, if it becomes a problem, I will remind her."
Nick - "Well, if you remind her and she doesn't do it, I don't want you sneaking around and cleaning it yourself."
Jess - "I'm a good friend, but I am not that good of a friend!"

 

cece mixing coffee and white wine

 

"Work hard, party hard, work hard, party hard"

 

Started a rewatch of this the other day. Pretty impressed how good the first season holds up compared to most shows. Really hit the ground running.

 

Show is so consistent too. I'm on season 6 currently and it's just all so great.

 

Parks and Rec and New Girl both struck gold by realizing that a timeskip for the final season is better than spending the final season on a pregnancy arc.

Schmidt and Cece's daughter is the best.

 

Completely forgot about the time jump, even as I told someone the other day the final season was so well done.

Also I watched the Prince episode a few days ago and nicks delayed shriek upon seeing him is possibly my favorite moment of the series.

 

People were way too negative about Megan Fox in this show. I'm far from her biggest fan, but she played her character well in this. People just decided that they didn't like her the moment she came on screen.

 

Her acting skills are not much, but I thought she did ok on this show

 

Yeah I liked her too

 

People made up their minds about her without giving her a chance. how are actors supposed to get better if you won't give them a chance ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

She’s also a pretty awesome person.

 

well look who it is, raisin!