Mental Health Thread • Page 62

Creepy stalker, but I remember a lot of your posts about that on AP and I'm really super glad that things seem to be getting more stable for you. That's such an unfathomable thing to go through and you are amazingly strong for working through it. You're truly a fighter bb

 

Today a parent I work with said I was really pretty like unsolicited out of nowhere and comments like that are just so unexpected. I've whined a lot about my mommy issues and growing up in the shadow of a beautiful sister, so I'm not used to being the "pretty" one. I was always the "brainy" one which lololol at that but even now that I'm mostly okay with my appearance I still never hear things like that ever. she acted like I should be getting hit on all the time and be all up in dates which lmao nope. it was kinda flattering but also kinda just a reminder that I have zero life and haven't had a date in 2 years. which I'm fine with being single but I guess I get unhappy with being a hermit. which even then I think that's just the kinda person I am and being a hermit is my natural state, but idk i always feel like I should be meeting more people or doing things with my life, not wasting it in my room doing nothing.

 

I'd like to believe that as long as you enjoy what you're doing, it's not a waste.

 

I worry that I think I'm happy about it now but will regret it later? I don't think I'd ever be happy as an extrovert or a social person, but if I'm being honest with myself I could def find a middle ground between social butterfly and zero social life. I try to be better like I took two short trips this year and have been going to more concerts to try to make memories other than sitting in my room. Progress I guess lol

 

On a day to day basis, I've been crying quite a bit. To quote Frank Fanon:

“I feel my soul as vast as the world, truly a soul as deep as the deepest of rivers; my chest has the power to expand to infinity. I was made to give and they prescribe for me the humility of the cripple. When I opened my eyes yesterday I saw the sky in total revulsion. I tried to get up but eviscerated silence surged toward me with paralyzed wings. Not responsible for my acts, at the crossroads between Nothingness and Infinity, I began to weep.”

 

i love you both.

 

Omg I got to the ep of Frasier where he realizes his entire identity is about his work and it just reminded me further that I've been doing the same. I'm not having a crisis or anything but idk how to get out of the rut. honestly sometimes I wish I was religious cause that's the only sense of community I really see here to join. I always say once I move THEN my life will start but it seems like an excuse. And I will prob stay at least another year because family reasons and saving up money so I feel like I need to make some sort of step in the meantime. idk what that is tho.

 

same, and it's tough because I legit don't know what kind of life I want or would be healthy for me, I just know I'm not living it yet

 

Yep, same boat! and I think part of my anxiety is not knowing what I want. I have weird ideas in my head about what failure is, and I feel like if I moved my life and got a new job and didn't enjoy it, I'd be even harder on myself for failing, even tho realistically I know I'm not expected to have my life figured out by my mid 20s lol

 

333:)

 

Not doing so good lately. My ex is in the mental health ward currently, and I'm the only person she really has to reach out to, and it's been hard. I care about her so much, but I don't want to give her hope that I'm going to be romantically with her again because it wasn't a healthy relationship for either of us. I've been taking care of her dog and helping out her grandpa this past week, and it's just killing me. She wanted me to move back in with them when she is released and I told her I can't, and she's extremely upset with me.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't just stop talking to her, because I'm terrified at what could happen, because she really doesn't have anyone else to turn to.

Sorry for the long post. I'm just struggling hard right now and can't figure out how to calm down.

 

*hugs*

 

You have to do what is good for you, man. Obviously you want to help her/her family out, but it cannot be at the detriment of your own well being, either.

 

How does one find value within themselves? Nothing I do makes me feel valued at all - I've been angry/upset about this for a while now, and because of that anger I just risked burning bridges with 3 people who are sort-of friends of mine (though they do not care about me), so I am running very low of support and sources validation, meaning my only shot is finding it within. Can anyone help?

 

Hypochondria sucks and I don't recommend it

 

Try not coupling it with a fear of doctors either

 

Anyone else feel horrible after they lift? It's not pre-workout either that makes me sad.

I want to cry for no reason.

 

Agreed. I've been learning to manage it better recently, but it's still hard.

 

People who don't give a shit about you or are judgmental aren't worth it. Do you have any hobbies? Anything you want to learn? I've been going through Duolingo and Khan Academy recently when I'm not working, and I listen to podcasts/watch youtube videos. I find that keeps my mind off my things, but I'm also learning, so finding value in doing productive and educational stuff makes me find value within myself too.

 

The 3 people turned out to be sympathetic which was a nice surprise tbh. My 2 hobbies = playing guitar and weight training. I have been playing guitar and writing music a bit which is good, but when I'm actually doing it i'm on autopilot so the time just passes and I feel no ways about it. Weight training is v/ stressful but I need to do it, as it i the only exercise I get.

The educational point is a very good one though and I am thinking that is the way to go; I have today found a cool article on patriarchy theory from International Socialism Journal! I'm having a hard time staying focused on long reads though (another of my many flaws).

Thank you for your response, it is appreciated!

 

Talk about a huge slap in the face.....My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me. I tell ya, if I wasn't on 150mg of zoloft, I would have thrown myself off a cliff last night.

 

"Well that fucking sucks" is an understatement. Try to be very kind to yourself right now.

 

I'm doing my best. As most of you know, I lost a baby last April and it really changed me. I have been officially diagnosed with PTSD and depression and I'm getting help to "fix" it. Paul told me last night that he can't deal with my ups and downs anymore. How is that fair? WE BOTH LOST THAT BABY, and I'm the one who had to suffer mentally, emotionally and physically. You think I want to be this way? Hell no, I don't. But I guess this is very common in these cases. I hope he feels like shit. Sits there and says he wants to be friends and wants to be in my life.....how can i be friends with someone I am in love with? How does that even make any sense in his stupid head?

 

that was really shitty of him, I'm sorry

 

It's not fair at all. None of this is fair. I hope he is also addressing his feelings around your miscarriage, but it kinda sounds like* a) he thinks he's over it, so you should be too, or b) trying not to deal with it but your perfectly natural reactions to this trauma are making it too hard for him.

He may want to be friends but that's your choice to make. I would love to be friends with my ex-wife but she wants none of it, and that's her right.

You do what you have to do to get better. Screw everybody else.



*I'm not a therapist, just a BirdPerson