Mental Health Thread • Page 61

it's all coming unraveled again

 

I spend so much time throughout the day thinking people don't really talk or reach out to me because something is wrong with me. I start over-analyzing situations and conversations that I've been part of and it only makes it worse. I can't turn it off.

 

Omg. worked 11 hours cause my TA is gone and I had to cover for her. had kids kick, hit, grab, and scratch me. And depressing home visits. only saving grace is that the dumb randos weren't home when I got home. I might have literally killed them. I'm so exhausted I can't deal. what is my life idek

Edit: on the plus side a parent brought me a present and it was super sweet and unexpected

 

I feel the same way often. or rather, all the time. haha.

 

I still can't get out of my head. I had 20 minutes today in the car where it wasn't so bad. Other than that I've been restless and anxious. Every single bit of this is transition related. My online groups are one of my best sources of support, but it's tough when all I do is compare myself to other guys and it turns into a reminder of how unhappy I am with my progress so far.

 

I forgot that today a kid got mad at me and grabbed me by the shirt collar and yanked it down, exposing my bra to like everyone and then another kid said "haha I saw your boobies!" this my life like legit. at least my bra was cute but I swear if he goes home saying that to his parents. and of course I was being observed so the observer saw me flash everyone too. I'm waffling between laughing and being mortified. like when I think about it I laugh but then get super embarrassed and blush badly and I feel like it's gonna be one of those weird anxiety things I mull over all night lol

 

It's so bright and sunny outside but inside me feels like the end of the world. :(

 

Totally different situation, but just remember that you are you and your progress is not their progress. I had trouble a few months into my recovery where people around the same op date lost way more weight than I had. I kinda lost it for a bit. It's totally natural to feel like that, but you have to remember that progress is progress even when it isn't as fast as you would like. You're further along the path than you would have been without starting the process you're in... ya know?

*hug*

 

Holy shit wtf kids?

 

I've been hating myself a lot lately. I see no future for myself, I can't think of a single thing about me that makes me important, special, or worthy of happiness.
Does anyone have any tips of how to get these feelings to go away?

 

Remember that being a nice person who cares matters, I know that seems bare minimum but we all know so many people suck and you don't

Also most people aren't special, and I get it to I think everyone has their shit together is motivated and doing amazing things, basically everyone is Rory Gilmore in my head but I'm starting to realize maybe that's not true

 

I work with at risk families so there's always a few kids that are aggressive and violent. he def didn't mean to make me flash everyone and was just grabbing whatever was nearest but it's still like ... oh great lol

 

If you wanna get rid of the whole negative thoughts thing (temporarily at least), then this 'dead inside' thing I've been working on is actually providing results for me. Mostly because I realise it is linked to the idea of 'presence' that people like Ekhart Tolle talk about - by observing the thoughts that come in to your head, you become aware of them and thus take control of them. Every time something comes up like a past failure or a worry for the future I'm like "nope, you're supposed to be dead inside bro - numb!" and I force the thought away and keep an empty/numb head. An empty head >>> a head filled with purposeless negative bullshit. Leaves room for the things you need to focus on like work/studying/whatever is actually going on infront of you.

 

That makes way more sense in context with your other work stories. Major respect to you. I wouldn't have the patience to do that.

 

I need to remember this, thank you

 

I think that everyone is shaped -- directly or indirectly -- by the people we surround ourselves with or interact with. The people we start friendships with, the people we love, our family members, our coworkers, all of them. You, too, have shaped their lives. They wouldn't be the people they are without knowing you. Everyone's important, everyone's got a story to tell. Sometimes, I think, we just are too far in the forest to see the trees, so it feels like we are nothing when, in fact, we are everything.

 

Thank you for this

 

i haven't gone to two of my classes in two weeks, skipping the others here and there, partially because i didn't have the money for transit. i'm two months behind on all my bills. this week i stretched $10 to feed myself, and used my last dollar yesterday to get a bagel. i have an assignment due tonight which i have barely started, and i'm struggling to do it because i can't focus on anything other than my hunger. i have an appointment today to get a new id, but i don't want to go, because then i'd have to sit on campus for 3hrs, tired and hungry. if i can even finish this assignment, i'm debating on just emailing it and skipping class.

i'm so over this stupid system and life. i don't have the energy to deal.

 

So to update everyone, I had my first appointment with the psychiatrist yesterday. She Officially confirmed that I have Depression and PTSD. She upped my zoloft to 150mg and (god bless her) gave me a script for Ambien. Sweet sleep of life!

 

I hope those work for you!

 

yeah me too. I didn't really realize how fucking damaged I was.

 

I wouldn't call it that. You'll get through it or learn to work with it, just like any other illness.

 

But I was fine my whole life, and then I lost a baby and an ovary. Went batshit crazy.

 

*hug*

 

You are allowed to be batshit. Trauma triggers mental illness and you went through an EXTREMELY traumatic situation. Cut yourself some slack, boo.❤️