Mental Health Thread • Page 398

My wife was using that app for awhile! I’m using habitica which is basically an 8bit rpg about doing your daily tasks!

Getting my medication was a mess, but luckily my provider spent all of Thursday calling every pharmacy to find the lowest price for me. Couldn’t afford vyvanse, but did start Concerta yesterday.

Didn’t notice anything major yesterday, but today wow. I cleaned mopped my first floor, dusted, cleaned the kitchen, did eight loads of laundry, mowed the grass, raked leaves, and did a homework assignment. I don’t remember the last time I could complete…anything.

 

Just spiraling right now. Stressed to the max about money. Debts are out of control and I'm drowning in fees. Next few months are going to be rough af for the time as I do my best to keep my head above the water.

 

Yo, guess who else got prescribed Vyvanse?!

 

I hope it works for you!

My insurance is trash and they had to switch me to Concerta. It's been four days of taking the medication, but I don't really notice much with it. Definitely going to need a higher dosage.

 

Yeah, I took Concerta when I was much much younger. I hope it works for you too.

I hate playing these guessing games with my brain chemistry. I wish I could just like spit in a cup or have them extract some of my brain through my nose and test it and they could tell EXACTLY which meds would work best for me.

 

There is nothing more frustrating than working for a small company who has to outsource an IT company. My PC had an update Monday and then after that QuickBooks stopped working for me and everything else like Word and Excel are so slow. even saving files takes for fucking ever. I tried everything I looked up on how to fix QuickBooks and nothing worked. Like I'm not stupid but I'm no genius...so I contacted the IT people.

My boss, who has a large house on the cape and goes on vacation all the time, drives nice cars and his kids go to WPI....has the fucking audacity to get upset with ME that I had to contact IT to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Like, Sir, you hired me to be an office admin, NOT AN IT PERSON. So don't fucking get mad at me that "they charge by the minute" which is bullshit. Like what do you want me to do? pretty sure it's the hard drive, but he'll just complain about that too.

I'm so sick of rich people complaining about Money.

someone more seasoned in that IT department is going to be contacting me soon to see if he can figure out what's going on. I still say it's the hard drive. pretty sure this PC has been here since 1998.

Long story short, all of this, on top of the days I get made fun of for the food I bring...I'm so ready to pack up all my stuff and fucking leave. I'd rather do Instacart and doordash for 10 hours a day than deal with this Rich people abuse.

My mental health is depleting because of this place, and it makes me sad because I'm really good at this job, but it's hard to care when you're made to feel like a fucking loser.

 

Can’t imagine working for a company that doesn’t have an IT department that sounds terrible and if your boss isn’t able to help you with the problem then he can get fucked for talking down to you for reaching out to them.

 

It’s just wild. Like I can’t do my job if the computer doesn’t work. And I sure as shit can’t fix it.

I’ve already been searching on indeed for anything. I shouldn’t have to deal with this.

 

A lot of smaller companies tend to go third party, in my experience.

 

and I've worked for small companies before and never EVER had a boss get pissy with ME about a fucking computer issue. Maybe you should stop playing golf in PR with other rich people and buy us new fucking PCs. Send me to IT school then and pay me more to do 2 jobs.

JFC.

 

Company I work for used to have in-house IT. As a cost savings they tried to pass off as some typical lame ass “streamlining” bullshit and they moved all of IT to India. Not sure if they’re 3rd party or technically part of the company but frustrating as shit that they’re basically on exact opposite time than the US so all requests take at 10-12 hours before even getting an initial response.

Previous company I worked for which yes, was much smaller but I don’t care lol, had the 25 IT onsite in an awesome standalone building 20 feet from our main building and would literally just walk over to you, depending on the issue and immediately address it. Blew my mind years ago and still does because I have yet to find a company that is even half as set up as that company was.

 

I work for a very small lab. we have 7 people who work here. Thankfully the IT company we use is here in the US, but there's no need to make me feel like I'm costing us millions of dollars to have a professional figure out why all of a sudden my computer is slower than snail.

 

There are times are own IT team does this. And I kind of get it, I’m sure they get all kinds of basic questions that would take someone 10 seconds to figure out if they just took a deep breath, but that’s not all of the requests they receive so when they start throwing IT terms at me I’m like, “whoa hang on. I have no idea I’m not IT, why do you think I called you?” and not to be the obnoxious “that’s not my job!” guy but uh, yeah, it’s not my job to know all that so please don’t expect me to lol

 

in 2003 I worked for my mother's father (I don't call him my grandfather because he was another Rich white man who complained about money even though he was very well off) and that man expected me to know how to fix a copy machine, fax machine and a computer when I had just got out of high school with only 1 year of community college under my belt. I can figure out printers and copy machines no problem but when it comes to a PC, I know basics. I can simple trouble shoot with the best of them, google "why won't QuickBooks work?" and follow those recommendations (which none of them helped). I am one of the few "figure it out until you can't figure it out" Millennials but I'm not 22 anymore. I'm almost 40, in menopause and I'm a stoner. I'm tired, annoyed and fucking hungry, lol.

 

the fact that my toxic mother would give away my sentimental belongings when I wasn't home or gaslight me into giving away something I didn't want to give away. I have things missing that I never gave permission to give away

 

Just why?

(This is not a response to any previous posts. Just my general mindset.)

 

I realized last night that I am afraid to feel joy, because the joy will result in something bad happening to me if I let my guard down. Depression is ass.

 

So tired of feeling guilty for who I am. And like I'm not good enough for anyone.

 

Sometimes the thought of living on for years feels so daunting and other times I think about dying and my body shutting down and ceasing to exist while the world keeps going and I have to stop because I start to panic. Both options suck lol.

 

I need to stop allowing work to dictate how I feel. I get so riled up most days with the mistakes of others or similar things that then irritate me because I can’t move on to other projects or whatever and I keep having to remind myself “who gives a shit, it’s just work, it doesn’t define you and don’t let it change your mood” but that’s easier said than done when I’m just naturally restless with not having things perfect - whether it’s something I want to be perfect that’s personally for me or stupidly tied to work which I shouldn’t associate with me but I do.

 

@Kiana the Poppi I like most from the 3 I’ve had is the raspberry rose! I could see myself pouring a lil tequila or Malibu rum in it this summer.

 

Ooh that sounds delightful

 

Today is hard. This week is hard.

6 years ago today, my grandfather passed away and Sunday will be 8 years that I lost a pregnancy and all chances of ever having children of my own. Trying to keep my shit together till the end of today when I go to the cemetery and "visit" my grandparents (They died 3 months apart from each other. True love with those two). I've never missed anyone the way I miss them.

 

I'm not really sure how to feel, or make sense of, my current situation. I've been away from home for 3 weeks but it feels like an eternity. I'm supposed to be studying/job hunting but I haven't even started that. I've done a lot of reflecting and made some introspective progress, but at the same time I fell into old habits. For example: I felt super depressed this morning and went straight to a bottle of whiskey and a beer, then passed out for a few hours. I've been super active and exercising a lot, but I've also started smoking weed again (and 3+ drinks a week [I'm a recovering alcoholic]). I just want to go home so badly to my person and my cat, but I'm going to stay with my Mom for another 3-4 weeks. I'm also seeing my brother there. Normally, I would be excited, but I'm so depressed that I don't feel any of that. It also doesn't help that I wasn't able to get my refill of Strattera, so I've been without that for over a week.

Its hard for me to see what I'm doing here as progress when the pros and cons cancel each other out, and also I really really really really need a job so badly. I realized that I want to get married and put the option of kids on the table, and I want that with the person that is my partner/not-partner back home. Last night I reached a breaking point and I've been crying all day today because I have no idea what to do. This trip was really supposed to help me out but I feel worse than I did before.

 

had the strawberry vanilla from olipop last night. It’s my favorite. It’s so good!