Mental Health Thread • Page 37

Maybe you should ask the NP for a referral? That's what mine did. Psychiatrists are almost impossible to get in without one.

 

Hmm yeah maybe I'll see about my primary care NP. I moved an hour away but hopefully she knows someone. The ones who prescribed me the bipolar meds specialize in psych so idk if that's weird to ask them.. the worse part of this anxiety is that I worry so much about people being mad at me, including docs haha. Like I know this is my health, it's just so hard to stand up for myself, and I just never trust when I have a valid reason to be upset vs just being a dick.

I really appreciate the replies and likes, I know I'm just spewing random rants and not offering much conversationally... but it means a lot to know of people who have gone through similar things or just even caring yknow? I hope I'm not being a pain in the ass in here heh. I'm just so up and down lately, but I'm feeling a lot more rational for the moment anyways

 

No way! You're not bothering me at all. I know how hard it is to talk to people IRL about this bc they won't get it. We know what it's like so I hope it makes you feel better to know you have somewhere to come when you're not feeling your best. We're all in this together.

 

Thanks so much for saying that :) it really means a lot and it's really helped to find this thread

 

How do you guys feel about your therapists? Since I've moved across the country, I've thought about seeing one but I just don't know. I become really anxious about money and about all parts of my life sometimes. I'm anxious about doing things I enjoy because I think they may be a waste of time/money. I also have been having anger problems since early childhood but I kind of kept them under wraps throughout but once my anxiety takes over, I can't help but be angry.

 

I feel like me and my therapist are just talking about the same things over and over again. I've been toying with whether or not to keep seeing her.

 

Incredibly busy work week. I've been lurking a lot though.

@DrAlanGrant hope everything went well after

@TheSlyTurtle i've thought about it but ultimately gone against it. I don't trust people that much and it doesn't help that I'm from a country where traditions trump common sense, so I'm not entirely sold. I've met very few people irl who actually understand how depression works. But if someone I trust recommends me one I'd probably give it a go. But for now I'm spending that money hoarding stuff that I really really like.

 

Although I really believe if I studied to become a therapist instead I would've been so good at it. I'm not trying to be smug, but it's just one of those things I feel like could've shaped my life very differently.

And I could've helped a lot more people who feel the same way. I don't think I would've been comfortable charging people though so I would be poor af.

 

I went to a therapist once and she started crying because she was so upset by what I told her. Says something about my life.

 

Masculinity and mental illness:

 

I've seen therapists on and off since I was like 10, don't think it's for me. Worth a try IMO

 

I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship without being in a relationship

 

I should be happy and excited that I'm in a fascinating career program that means good career prospects in the future, but while in class yesterday, all I could think about was how to hurt myself and other suicidal thoughts and digging my nails into my skin.

 

A very good thread

 

I realize that I jumped the gun BUT my dad had blood work done and I'm not supposed to be involved but I looked anyway. A couple of his tests were abnormal so I tested them again with the same results.

I made him an appt with our cardiologist without asking him first. He was supposed to fast before the tests and he didn't which is why his tests were outside range. We didn't know that though until I asked him again and he was like I didn't eat THAT much..

I am so stressed out and can't unwind haha My dad is my entire world and I was freaking out for a minute. I think I handled things way better than I would have a couple years ago.

 

Oh lord. If my dad did that I think I'd probably punch him. His medical issues freak me out. I'm glad you handled it well, though. I would be sooooo pissed.

 

I was trying to keep calm but I punched him pretty hard in his arm haha

 

I'd absolutely do that. Lol

 

Well that was...strange. I think I just experienced a taste of sleep paralysis? Last night I briefly "woke up" to the sight of a spider dangling in my face, I felt so tired though that I just drifted back to sleep haha. When I *really* woke up I realized it most likely was a dream (maybe not, but it was a big ass spider on a web, noticably larger than a quarter including the legs, which are rare, and i didn't have a spider bite or anything).

Just now I was dreaming about something deeply personal and upsetting to me. I screamed "FUCK YOU" in the dream, but apparently also IRL because when I opened my eyes, the neighbor upstairs knocked on the floor/my ceiling. As I was awake I attempted to get up but my body wouldn't move. I was definitely awake. Kept trying to move my arms, thinking they were asleep. When I tried moving my whole body and couldn't at all I realized it must be sleep paralysis. About a minute later I gasped for air and had control of my body again. Crazy, that's the first time I ever experienced that. Could have been worse - many times you can hallucinate in that state and see monsters attacking you or something. None of that happened. But now I'm a bit concerned.

So assuming that was a taste of sleep paralysis, is there something I can do to prevent it from getting worse? Is there something that could be causing it that I can improve on to prevent it from occurring again?

 

I've heard sleeping on your back makes it worse. It gets easier once you find the "tell" as well. Like it happens often enough that I can tell when something is wrong with my room so I know it's a dream. Sometimes it's knowing I don't have a lamp there or knowing there isn't a corner there and that makes it better.

 

Yeah, I'm thankful there was nothing nightmarish happening, I just seemed to realize it was sleep paralysis immediately. TBH when I had control over my body again I just kinda shrugged and took a sip of water and that was that haha. I was relieved nothing scary happened. It wasn't like those crazy incubus attacks or psychedelic hallucination stories you hear about sufferers of SP, just now it was like when you're in a dream and you realize "oh, I'm dreaming". I was on my side though, which is how I usually sleep lol. Maybe it was something I ate? Had a big lunch. Also have been in a hotel these past couple nights, but not sure how/why a new setting would have any effect. Hopefully I continue to just realize its sleep paralysis, if it ever even happens again. Got an appointment with a psychologist scheduled for next week, so there's that too. Wonder if ambien and/or xanax might also be partially causing these? I think the doctor mentioned it can lead to strange things happening during sleep. Hmmm...

 

I know mine happens when I'm in that weird in-between state. Where I'm sleeping but I'm in a really light sleep and my brain is like trying to wake up and I can't tell if I'm sleeping or awake. Maybe you're not in a deep enough sleep? I'd def ask your psych about the side effects of the meds to cause that seems like a possibility!

 

I had a really long active shooter training from these cops and I hate those cause I have ridic anxiety about the idea of my dad dying so all it makes me think about is my dad getting shot. We had to listen to 911 calls from shootings and watch footage and stuff. It was actually good in the sense that they warned and let ppl know they could step out if they needed and it was the least victim blamey thing ever like they were real good about saying it's ur choice and there's no wrong one but also I've just thought about my dad dying all night.

 

My baby sister was six when I went to college. I'm not as close with her as I'd like to be but if you make an effort there will be a relationship there. Don't worry. :)

 

Been worse, but I'm not great. I mean things are pretty shitty but it's hard to admit that to myself every day. just adds to the cycle. happiness just seems so far away, temporally and spatially. like it's never where I'm at and when I feel like I'm in the right place I'm just waiting for it.