Mental Health Thread • Page 368

Yesterday I called out sick and lied in bed until 3 pm. I want to do it again today so badly.

 

Just want to thank you both for these messages, I had another kidney stone Monday morning (which is a whole other thing) so I haven't been around to reply in detail like I'd like to but both responses are hugely appreciated, Jake I'm so glad your counselor is helping you work through similar issues because you are a great person that deserves love and @AgonizingFir I believe you messaged me as well, I will get back to you ASAP but just want you to know how much the kind words mean to me best thread, best people.

 

I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like if someone hasn’t had a major dark night of the soul, I don’t even know how to talk to them. I had too many way too young and I’m kind of fucked up for life. So when people just have no experience with them, I feel like I’m an alien or that they are. I’m sure this just my brain after years of trauma. But I just can’t comprehend those people. Their decisions and choices make no sense to me. They’ve never had their worldview challenged or done the self reflection to access what their world view even is. It just feels so shallow to me. But it’s not their fault they haven’t had a huge loss or tragedy that forced you to process so so much. I’m not saying you have to go through trauma to process things, but without it, it seems like it just never happened to these people. I don’t fucking know. But it drives me crazy.

 

I hate my brain. I've been trying to not stress about work and when I finally stop for a second, my brain is like... nah let's make up something to stress about and imagine your bfs place of work was shot up or something and you couldnt get hold of him to verify if he's okay. I always do this. I'll imagine a horrible scenario like my dad getting in a car accident on his commute to work. For seemingly no other reason than to stress myself out.

 

This is a difficult/strange/potentially long one, so bear with me. I don't expect anyone to have advice (although that would be great), more so just need to vent.

I think one of my longtime (now ex?) friends is having some kind of breakdown. Her boyfriend died unexpectedly near the beginning of the pandemic. We have a large group of friends in her area (I no longer live there) who were very accommodating and always checking in on her, and when she came out my way (our hometown), I would do the same. Eventually, she started to disassociate from that group of friends, which, I completely understand. I think their association with her boyfriend was too strong for her to remain a part of that group. I've always done my best to be a good friend to her while remaining friends with them, being understanding and just separating the two. But within the last year, she started making things up about them to try and get me to cut ties. Like, obvious lies. Sometimes it would be someone talking shit for no reason, sometimes it would be something worse. I just stayed the path because I knew she was going though it - keep them separate and be a good friend to everyone.

Yesterday, I received a text out of the blue just completely insulting me, saying she wished she'd never met me, how she doesn't expect a response but simultaneously wanted me to call her...literally zero context. Then she she made some really heinous claims about a mutual friend that I (and many others) know for a fact aren't true, along with another where one of our nicest mutual friends supposedly made fun of her for grieving after her boyfriend died. I know it's important to believe victims, but...there is something else going on here. It's scary. These are things that 100% did not happen. And before I even had the chance to respond, she continued to text me to say she hoped my kidney stones were feeling better, that she wouldn't "bug" me if she saw me in person, and that she was really hoping I wasn't a piece of shit. And then she blocked me. Tonally just all over the place. I spoke with a few friends in that group including women who apparently received the same texts/treatment.

We've literally never fought before this. I'm worried about her. It's okay if she can't handle being my friend for whatever reason, I'm more worried about her than anything. Unfortunately, she takes any attempts at help (reaching out to her family, for example) as gaslighting or a slight against her. I'm sorry to say I think I have to let this one go, because it's completely beyond me. A lot of us are hurt by what she's saying and doing, but the saddest part is that we all just want her to be okay. I think she's still grieving and angry and upset and just throwing it at anyone who will listen at this point.

Sorry, I said that would be a lot and it was. I just need to write it out somewhere because I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't lose many friendships, and I know this one isn't on me because I stuck with her longer than everyone. I did everything I could and this was still the outcome. Really bleak stuff all around.

 

That’s just a tough situation all around. It sounds like you did all that you could and that she needs serious professional help.

 

The sheriff is right. You've gone above and beyond for this friend and it sounds like her issues have developed into something you may not be able to help with. Such dramatic changes in personality and behavior, especially after years worth of struggle, would definitely warrant help from a professional. Sucks to feel like you're "not helping" but sometimes the best you can do is point them towards someone equipped to help.

 

I feel you, its like its impossible not to worry about something. Right now, I just try to catch myself stressing about something I'm making up and redirecting/reminding myself its irrational before I get too caught up in it.

 

When is the sheriff not right tbh

 

been doing pretty well. my girlfriend moves in with me at my parents house in a week and ive already been looking at housing options for the two of us with my parents so we dont have to stay here too long. but im very excited for us to reconnect as weve been apart in one capacity or another for quite some time and im really determined to really commit to us as a couple as the majority of our relationship has been spent needing to have her babysit me and just worry about my sobriety which has caused breakdowns for both of us and eroded a lot of what made us fall in love to begin with. the support from my family will hopefully allow us to just be us again without her having to be the one to carry that burden, and thats why we delayed her coming out to st louis for a month and a half so i could get acclimated with my family and prove i can stay sober (31 days today) apart from her. but god damn do i miss her and i know she misses me but its a huge leap for her to come out here for basically the rest of her life and leave behind the east coast for good but i know she's ready and its what healthiest for not just us but for her as an individual as well. my family loves her and my parents consider her another daughter of their own and as she doesnt come from a very loving or tight knit family so im glad we can offer that level of support shes never really had before.

 

That's awesome man. So happy to hear it. Wishing you guys the best! And congrats on a month!

 

More wedding shit. Everytime I think my fiancee and I get on the same wavelength about current stress and how we can help each other, like four more things pop up that upset her all over again. Today, her sister told our niece that she needs to eat better or that she'll end up having diabetes like my fiancee. First of all, horrible thing to say to a child imo!! Second of all, it reinforced this negative body image my fiancee (and I) already have when that isn't even the cause of her diabetes! She's not even a heavy person (not that that matters)! So she comes home upset, and once again, it just feels like people are really out to ruin this for us. I won't be able to enjoy the day if she won't.

 

Uninvite everyone except a select few you trust to not Fuck shit up.

 

Unfortunately, family can really suck. Especially close family, my wife has plenty of horror stories about her mom and sister. If your sister-in-law is saying shit like that to your niece (her daughter if I’m reading it right?) it sounds like she might be the one with problems lol. Wedding planning makes everything more stressful and it’s easy to find new things to fixate on. Just remember that at its core, this wedding is about you and your fiancée. Try to focus on supporting each other and assuaging each other’s worries. Everyone else’s opinions only matter as much as you let them. It’ll all be worth it once it happens.

And obviously all of this comes with acknowledgement of the huge “easier said than done” complaint. You two can do it!

 

Definitely, you read right and you are right and I agree with and appreciate all of this. Just had to vent. Tha k you for the kind words!

 

my brother's wedding is in a few weeks and i talked to his fiancee tonight to see how things are going and thank god its been pretty smooth sailing for the both of them so far (relatively speaking) but getting down to crunch time you know some bullshit is gonna pop up and knowing my family it could easily come from our side....its already bad enough i had a relapse so close to the date, thankfully it was a few months out but my brother did point out it threw a wrench in some of their planning when he had to take care of our little brother (he's only 13) for a week or so while i was detoxing at my parents place

 

Hey, it could've been worse. You're on the right track friend

 

My grandma has been dead about 1.5 years and it still feels surreal. She died of covid and because of that we never had a funeral for it to seem more real. I saw her via video in the hospital after she died so like it was real in that sense but since she lived out of state it is easy for it to feel like I just haven't seen her in a while. We visited my bfs parents yesterday and his mom reminds me a lot of my gma, except my gma was a little more youthful and swore and was less traditional lol. But both are cute lil tiny catholic Mexican women who have that strong maternal/grandma vibe. His mom and my gma were similar ages and I think they wouldve gotten along well. My gma wasn't in bad health for her age before getting covid and had a very youthful spirit and energy so it just doesn't feel real a lot. I feel like she was the glue of the family and I wouldn't be surprised if I never really see the rest of my extended family again or much at all. And she died like right before the vaccines became available which makes me feel so resentful sometimes because she was so close to having a better chance.

 

Terrible. So many people lost before their time because of the pandemic. It must be bittersweet having someone in your life so much like her. Hope everything is going well, healing takes time, especially after something so unexpected.

 

probably going to expose how much privilege i come from with this post but: my parents are looking to reinvest their money after selling their lake house earlier this year and have decided to kill two birds with one stone in terms of finding me housing by buying a condo and renting it out to me and my girlfriend. so anyway me and my dad went and looked at one today in the most beautiful neighborhood in the city of st louis, just an absolute perfect location and everything about the space was amazing. so my dad is putting an offer on the table tonight and we'll see what happens but it would be such a far cry from the situation me and my girlfriend were in in philly. we were on good terms with our landlord but we were always late on rent and afraid to be seen (they lived right next door basically) and never felt truly comfortable, not to mention how cramped and tiny the space was for two people given what we were paying. this place is double the size and very very modern and completely updated, the appliances arent even two years old and the rent my parents will charge us will be either right around or a bit less than what we were paying. again its in the best neighborhood in the city and next to a very bustling area with cool restaurants and parks all over the place. im so excited to show it to my girlfriend when she gets in but its really our chance to begin settling down into our real adult lives and build a future.

 

Hey, most people have some kind of privilege. Acknowledging that you have it is better than many people do, shit some people pretend like it doesn’t exist. From what I’ve seen here and there on this site, it sounds like you’ve been through some very rough times. It’s great to hear that things are going better for you. Try to let yourself enjoy it.

 

oh yeah im far past the point of feeling any guilt or shame about where i come from and more just gratitude that i have the resources available to turn my life around because yeah its been a very rough 7 years since i first picked up heroin and i finally feel like this is the time to put the past behind me and move forward in a clean, healthy way surrounded by people who love me

 

not doing well for many different reasons but they all seem so fucking small and trivial compared to the news a friend told me recently. she told me she was sexually assaulted this past weekend and it fucked me up because what's done is done and now she has to carry that with her for life. I'm beside myself right now