Mental Health Thread • Page 354

My best friend rescued me from an attempt I was about to make on my life a month ago and then this month they went no-contact with me, ghosted, moved out of our shared apartment and left a note telling me never to contact them again so suffice to say I am not doing well and am only in more pain than ever. This year has been the worst year of my life and I hate every day I'm forced to endure in this awful, awful world. I hate life so very much.

 

Working really hard to not make my apt look like broke college student. I feel like there is so little room for anything that idk what to do. I haven’t found an area rug I like, especially one that doesn’t clash with the drapes I bought. I also don’t want it to look too “busy” with patterns. I’m satisfied with the new slip cover I bought. I wish I can see other people’s apt for ideas because I’m not creative at all

 

I don’t know you, but I’m glad you’re still here :)

 

Lately I've had to come to terms with the fact that I can be manipulative and self-victimizing which is hard. I think they're both remnants from my abusive relationship where I adopted both as a survival tactic. But it has led to some really bad habits I had no idea I was doing. I guess I also always saw manipulation as an intentional act but I do it without even thinking or realizing. And then I'm like incapable of apologizing. I think in my past apologizing was self preservation. I eventually gave in and apologized to make the abuse stop, but then it would be like admitting wrong-doing to them so it never worked in making it stop. It was just a horrible cycle. Now I'm on the other end of the spectrum where I get defensive and stubborn and feel like I shouldn't have to apologize for anything. Idk. Trauma is the explanation but I need to take responsibility for it.

 

i'm moving into an apartment with my girlfriend in a week. it's coming very quickly and we haven't started packing yet. i'm insanely stressed but also excited to have our own place

 

I hate the holiday season soooo much. Every year from like Halloween on I'm miserable. I just see everyone doing all this stuff with their partners and friends and I just spend the time alone and it's awful. I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship and most of the time I'm just used to it and it doesn't bother me too much. But around the holidays it always bothers me and I feel so lonely. I spend Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family but the past few years it's been really small and not too many people come. Then I usually spend Christmas alone. I just wish I had someone to celebrate with. I love getting to see my nephews and am so grateful I have them, but I just want so much more in my life. I haven't had a true friend in years and it would be just nice to have someone to spend time with instead of constantly being alone (I also live alone and work from home so I can go weeks without seeing anyone except at like the grocery store...) My mom knows I get this way every year so she's been trying to invite me over which I really appreciate but idk it's just not the same as a friend or a partner.

 

Not me specifically but thinking about my sister and brother in law who were married 5 years, together for like 10, and have a 4 year old and 2-1/2 year old. They’re getting a divorce and both have separate apartments now and split custody 50/50. They’re not on bad terms with each other which is good but what I’m trying to wrap my head around is what it must be like to be a single parent “50% of the time”. Like, you go from having your kids with you and you’re the only adult and maybe you have them for two days straight or something (not sure how they work it out) to then nothing for two days. That’s gotta be weird and obviously millions go through it and figure it out but idk most of the time it’s bad for the kids but for each parent that just doesn’t seem like a way to lead a life. Like it seems so all or nothing and it swings back and forth every few days? Seems very hard to do.

 

Sorry to be the sad sack who quotes himself a year onwards. This whole situation was the most stressful month of my life, but in the end it worked out ok. I got a new job, got internally transferred to a location 10mins from my house in 6 months, my old "work mate" from the previous place chucked it cause how I was treated and is now my boss, 25% pay rise.

I think I still have a bit of a scar though. I feel as if my first thought process with any change in the office is now "how does this impact me and my job". Which it had never been before. Unfortunately, this can sometimes show which I don't think is really the best look sometimes.

 

got broken up with on Thursday and even though we still want to be friends, it hurts so much. my self-esteem is shot to hell and I haven't left my bed all day. really struggling. incredibly depressed and facing into the bleakest Christmas and New Year's I've ever had

 

I can relate to the feeling. I’m 31 and only been in very few relationships. Most of those were short term and only one serious. My ex never took me anywhere so I never got to do all the “cutesy” shit. I also have almost no friends and when I do make friends to hangout with, they move away for one reason or another. Being alone sucks. Dating in my area sucks. I don’t want to die alone

 

My aunt passed today from cancer. Idk why but it effects me more than I thought. Maybe because she would always send me stuff and cards on my birthday. The last time I spoke to her was a few months ago and I sent her photos of my cat because she likes cats but could never have one due to bad allergies. I wanted to send her more when I got more cute photos, especially with his raincoat on, but now I won’t get a chance.

cancer runs in my family and I’m at higher risk for it. Which is one of the reasons why I try so hard to get out there and date because I don’t want to die alone. I want to experience things. Idk what I’ll do if I get sick and have no one to take care of me and be by my side.

 

I’m sorry, take time to yourself. Spend time with loved ones. Everyone has their own things and it’s going to be okay. I have my twitter on my profile if you wanna talk to a random in messages.

 

I am so sorry for your loss but also

Omg your cat has a raincoat?! That sounds adorable and I'm not rly a believer but if the world is fair, your aunt is somewhere filled with adorable kitties in raincoats and she has no allergic reaction to them

 

I would truly give anything to fall asleep and drift away never to wake again. There's no way for me to know if anything I'm experiencing is even real. Could be some sick experiment derived by some fucked up AI somewhere somehow. Or this could all be a bad dream. Once I'm gone, all ceases to exist, and I wouldn't have to worry about those I'd leave behind, if they're even real.

IDK man. I just can't take much more of this insane world, but I know I have no way out. Too scared to live, won't succeed at dying. I hate life.

 

I have to leave my cat for about two days. I haven’t been away from him that long and the last time I did he was in the hospital. I worry so much because I’m going to be about 7 hours away. I set up my pet cam and going to leave him lots of food.

 

I don’t know where to start. I haven’t had time to make an appt with my doctor because I work so much. I also get anxiety coming to the doctor. I need to mention how exhausted I get most of the time. And I don’t think it’s “being anemic” which hearing they excuse when I was younger from my parents was really triggering. Also my ex thought “working out” would be a game changer but actually it just makes me feel worse. I’m Too tired to even do dishes and that’s not normal! I’ve also battled insomnia since like middle school and I think I need to mention how I have trouble sleeping at night

 

Not having a partner to talk to during these difficult times is really difficult.

 

After several months of reducing dosage amounts, i skipped my first dose last night since forever. Slept well, no side effects so far! Other than feeling a bit more focused and energized haha. Definitely more optimistic about tapering off this garbage soon and extremely relieved - I'd rather live in my car for eight months again than go through what I felt the previous time I tried this.

 

ive been undergoing TMS therapy for the past three weeks and definitely feel better than when i started. granted, im also doing an outpatient group therapy thing, seeing my regular therapist, taking medications to control my anxiety and my opiate cravings, and just living a better life than i was when i was using in october and november. but i definitely think its doing something. my mood is generally good, my anxiety seems to be calming, im just stressed over normal things to be stressed about. mostly that im not currently working and have no money and its embarrassing to still be asking my parents for help and they give me trouble about it even though they suggested i dont work until TMS is over. i hate just barely scraping by and relying on others for financial help. but im sober and that's all that really matters at this point. i hardly think about going out and using again anymore, maybe once or twice every few days the thought will pop in my head or ill start thinking of some future scenario where i use again, but in the moment im not there so that's good.

 

Congratulations. Honestly, that's a big deal. I'm on an antidepressant right now that if I miss a dose by even just a few hours I legitimately feel like I'm going insane. I'm happy that you're feeling better!

 

Thanks, dude! So far so good lol

 

ok that lasted a few days but something's not right so back on meds. Still a few months of tapering left, maybe after that.

 

My mom got me a ticket to see Thursday and Cursive. The rest of my extended family looked up the bands on their phones and proceeded to judge and laugh at them, then judge me and my wife because I go to concerts by myself. This reinforces my belief everyone is judging me and I don’t really want to leave my house.

 

Fuck them.

 

Pretty bummer of a day.