Mental Health Thread • Page 301

Still struggling with my choice to adopt a cat. Like overall he's easy to care for, but it's still an adjustment to care for something other than myself, who lets be honest i barely attempted to care for.

Doesn't help I had to take him to a vet less than a week after I got him due to health issues and spent a fuckload of money and adding to my anxiety. He's better, but I'm still not.

I feel so guilty about my brain for thinking this way. SIGH

 

i know how you feel. when i adopted my cat i didn't think i could handle it. i live with someone else and every time they leave i feel this immense amount of pressure to prove i can take care of them along with myself. and every time i have a massive amount of anxiety that i will fail. i had to do so a few weeks ago, all the while working full time with varying shift times.

it sucks. but pets are a comfort and i love my little dude. i'm sure yours is great as well (and is better soon. you too).

 

Yeah, I definitely feel adrift doing it on my own, like if I lived with someone I'd probably be a little less anxious and overwhelmed. Instead it's just me and him in my place. Texting and talking with people has helped, but I only feel I can keep talking about the same thing before it annoys them, so I just bottle it in.

I'll adjust in time, I just want to fast forward to that moment so damn bad, lol.

 

Talk to me about your cats I am here for it

 

Job hunting is awful and soul sucking and I just want to be done. I started applying a few months ago and haven’t even had a single interview. I can’t even get hired working retail. Makes me feel awful about myself. Doesn’t help that my family is on my case constantly about it and make me feel even worse.

 

We've all been there it sucks so much

 

Maybe I try to find a therapist. I’m tired of living and existing but would like to be able to tolerate days. I suppose.

 

@Shakriel i can’t recommend therapy enough

 

i figure I can’t keep continuing like I am and rather than have my friends listen to my stupid shit, I can pay someone to!

I just have to figure out how to find one now and whether my insurance covers it at all.

 

Well y'all it is truly a miracle!! I finally got an interview scheduled for Wednesday. Just something part-time to work in addition to my job which is fine with me. Now time to be extremely nervous since I have only had 1 interview in my life over 9 years ago which was a phone interview. They didn't even ask me any questions and just spent the whole time telling me about the company and offered me the job on the spot soooo kinda doesn't help me any at all!! Also have to scramble to find another reference since I only have 2 and have no idea how many I need/if I need any??? They didn't tell me so who knows?

 

I posted this elsewhere on the site, but this seems like the best place to ask:

I know this isn't the explicit purpose of this thread, but I love how positive the community is in here, so I just wanted to ask if anyone had experiences with services like TalkSpace or BetterHelp? I've finally made the decision to schedule appointments with a therapist and a psychiatrist to treat my anxiety/depression, but unfortunately, everywhere seems scheduled out for the next month and I'm only doing it now because those issues are starting to incapacitate me not just at home, but at work too. The apps are pricey, but I was wondering if one of them might be worth trying for the month before my appointments start.

I'm at the point where I'm constantly experiencing low-level anxiety at work, and that's if I'm lucky. I gotta figure out better ways to cope with small stressors, because even things like my boss being disappointed or asking a question I don't know the answer to can derail an entire day for me. It sucks.

edit: also fully aware of the irony of posting this during the workday, lol

 

The rumors are true I'm still a dumb bitch in 2020

 

I am so nervous for my interview today. And my mom just added extra pressure to me to make me more nervous. I currently live with her bc I can't afford rent on just my current income (hence why I'm looking for another job). She just told me yesterday out of nowhere she is selling her house and wants it up for sale by next month so I have to find a place to live by the time it sells. Idk what I'm gonna do if I don't get this job. I've applied to everything else and can't even get an interview. I wish she would have told me after my interview at least bc now I'm even more stressed out. She is also making a huge deal about the dog. She wants me to take her, which I would love to, but I obviously have a TINY budget rn so my apartment options are very limited. None of the ones I've looked at in my budget allow any pets. Yet my mom has a bigger budget than me and the ones she's looking at allow pets but she doesn't want to take the dog. She is saying "oh well, guess we'll just have to give her to someone." Like wtf???? She's the family dog who is 15 years old. She's been with us since she was 5 and has severe anxiety issues bc she was abandoned by her previous owners. Just giving her away to a stranger seems so cruel to me and I cannot allow that to happen. So now I feel like I'm gonna have to get an apartment higher than I want, plus $30 extra dog fee per month, plus a $350 dog deposit. I am beyond stressed out rn.

 

I’m thinking of just deleting the social media apps off my phone and just hide, I just don’t want to be seen.

 

I’m tired of seeing what I don’t have. I also deleted any dating app profiles I have, just fuck it

 

Well definitely didn't get that job seeing as they were trying to interview me for a job I didn't even apply for (that I don't qualify for) and the job I applied for is no longer available. Love to have my time wasted and my hopes crushed!!!

 

I’m going to need so much fucking therapy to ever recover from the abuse I went through and it’s so overwhelming and daunting that I won’t be okay until I throw loads of money at it and spend time and effort trying to make myself okay again and it’s not fair I just want to be okay and I’m scared I never will be

 

Some of you know already since I mentioned it in the A1 thread but I found out my mom might have cervical cancer.

I spent about 2 hours crying on the floor the other night and only stopped because crying was starting to become physically painful. The thought of her not being here terrifies me. I've just been in this perpetual state of being on edge ever since.
And then there's this nagging voice in the back of my head that's telling me I'm wrong for reacting as poorly as I have.

 

You're not acting poorly at all, that's a completely normal reaction to have and I'm very sorry to hear that and hope things can get better

 

this is completely acceptable, people deal with stress differently. My dad passed away 12 years ago, and if I knew my mom was sick with anything I literally do not know what I would do without her.

 

I rarely leave the house now. I don't eat a ton either. My sleep schedule is all over the place.

Today, while trying to fall asleep, I remembered that I may have accidentally missed a day of my medications. How did I remember? From having withdrawal symptoms that felt like I was tweaking hard. I fucking hate that one pill and one day can fuck everything up.

Cried more about my brother today. Things are rough.

 

Trying to save money to pay for a security deposit since my mom's house is officially on the market and idk how fast I'm gonna have to get an apartment. Then today I had to spend $300 on brakes for my car and then my work computer finally died so had to spend $400 for a new computer. I am in full on panic mode basically. And like my grandma is being so fucking wonderful and is offering to take my dog if I need her to and is offering me money if I need help but I absolutely HATE asking her for anything. My whole family basically uses her and since I know she already has so many other people to worry about and help, I try to just downplay all my problems to her. Like she just had to give my brother almost $300 to pay for my nephew's school trip and she STILL pays his car payment for him. She had to give my cousin money to pay for brakes for her car. She's always paying for everyone's shit and I just hate adding more to her plate. I hope I have a couple months to get my shit together bc I seriously need it.

 

I honestly just feel alienated a lot

 

Do you have anyone to speak to, maybe a therapist or anything? Keeping this all inside is just going to make it worse. I'm sure the last thing you wanna go do is see a professional but i truly think it is absolutely vital you take the steps to do so. Otherwise youre going to keep downspiraling in this cycle.

I'm sorry youre having to deal with this

You're handling this as best you can and that's all you can ever do. Your grandma sounds like an angel and you legitimately need help right now, it would not be taking advantage and what you can do is pay her back someday some how. Doesn't have to be money can be in another way but you should simply accept her help and then when you are back and thriving again, do something special for her.

You got this!

 

I feel like I messed up on how I’m supposed to be a human and I hate that I can’t start over.