Mental Health Thread • Page 29

OK. are brain zaps that shock feeling you get behind your ears that kind of travels out to the ear canal and causes you to shiver?

I get something like that when I forget to take my meds (venlafaxine) in the day and then go to bed, and it always then leads to sleep paralysis and by extension no sleep. i've never been able to put a name to it. is that what brain zaps are?

(not to make you paranoid, aha. you'll be good!)

 

For me brain zaps feel more like my head is being lightly electrocuted and my eyes become really slow and heavy. I feel it more around my temples/front of my head. I've never experienced sleep paralysis and hope I never will, it sounds like the worst.

 

I feel the same way. We have such a good community here.

 

ok interesting. i've been trying to figure out what it is - it's definitely some form of withdrawal, but i was wondering if anyone else has the same symptoms, because they really suck, aha. (not that yours don't, but - misery in company, etc.)

 

Hatred and despair have been the most consistent emotions I've been experiencing as of late. Most of the time, I wake up feeling this way and it is directed at everyone one and everything.

 

Okay so I previously posted that I took the plunge to start counseling. Well, today they called to make an appointment, I set everything up for Monday and I go online to take a look at this place and the guy that runs it and is the main counselor there is a mega Christian. My work has a free, confidential service and they set you up with the counselor so I don't know if this is the only place I can go but I do not feel comfortable with this at all. Just from some stuff on the website and a video I watched. I am not religious in the slightest and never have been, on top of identifying as not straight makes me want to cancel this all together but maybe I should just give one session a shot.

 

if you don't feel comfortable it might not be helpful, and I'm sure not all religious therapists are gay conversion types but that is what I associate them with in my mind even if that's unfair

 

That is what I associate them with as well and I know I shouldn't. That's why I figured maybe I'd give them a shot for 1 session and see what happens. They do have a section on their website about "sexual identity issues" where it says they won't try to fix you but "help you navigate this course in a supportive and non-judgmental environment." That is not why I'm seeing them but I just don't want it to be an issue.

 

So I posted recently about how great I was doing being away and off my meds.
Sadly I crashed a bit recently. I was up the Empire State Building and could feel a bit of a panic attack creeping on, which wasn't ideal.
I'm from a tiny village, with maybe 2,500 people, so the sheer volume of people in NYC is a bit overwhelming. I left the place and went and lay in the sun in Central Park for a bit which was great. Exactlly what I needed.

I guess coming off my meds was always going to have some ups and downs, and it's actually quite refreshing to experience actual emotions again.
I can't see me getting back into my meds, but I can see me trying to figure myself out. I need to accept I'm not going to be happy 100% of the time (not that I was while on my meds), but I need to learn how to deal with the ups and downs when they come.

 

Is there any way to cope with someone who needs and wants help but clearly doesn't want to do anything about it? My brother is constantly angry about himself and believes his medication isn't helping him manage his emotions and now he keeps saying that he'd be better off dead.

 

Talking to a friend of mine:

Me: I hate this world.

Them: I'd feel that way too, if all I read about was the terrible things that happen in the world.

Me: No, you don't understand. Like, this weight I feel is rooted in a sense of worthlessness and that's reflected in the world.

Them: No, I'm not stupid. I do understand. I'm just saying that, if you thought about that twelve hours as opposed to twenty-four, you wouldn't be filled with everything you feel.

Me: I have to think..

Them: No, you don't. You think I read about all the fat-shaming around the world?

At that point, I hung up. I hate people that think you aren't entitled to your feelings or think that there is some easy fix.

 

I dealt with that recently. My friend was constantly responding to any slightly negative feeling I expressed with "at least you're not dying of cancer" and other things along those lines. He just doesn't understand that minimizing everything I say with something meant to "change perspective" is incredibly condescending, insensitive, and makes me really not want to talk to him. We ended up getting in a huge fight about it and he seemed to finally understand, but he has also been kind of off since then, so who knows.

Part of my process for coping with depressive swings is to voice my negative thoughts and get past them, and I guess it just doesn't make sense to some people. I'd rather make an attempt to get past these feelings than internalize and wallow in it when I have the energy to.

It's so shitty when someone tries to fix me because they think they know what's best when I'm the one who has had to manage these thoughts and feelings day in and day out for ten years now. I think I know what helps and what doesn't at this point. Ugh.

 

My grandpa is getting old. His cognitive health has been on the decline for the last 5+ years, which is basically my adult life. I think he's 78 now. He's been my father figure for my entire life and I can't imagine life without him. I've never dealt with a loss so close and I don't know what's going to happen when he's gone. It scares the hell out of me. I love him so much and it's like I can't tell him. He hasn't said my name in a long time. Even if he was fine, I think I'd just breakdown trying to tell him how much he means to me. Today I told my grandma to tell him I love him and felt a little better afterwards. It's the same with her - I can't bring myself to have that conversation about either of them because I won't be able to speak.

 

Long post ahead but I need to get some stuff out
I'm really worried about my brother. He expressed that he thinks there's something wrong with him to my mom a few months ago, as well as admitting to self harm and feeling depressed. We just got back from a family trip with a bunch of our cousins and he seemed to be having a great time. This morning though he was in a really bad mood and I think some of it is that I'm leaving for Montreal to go to osheaga. I know he wanted to go but didn't get a ticket in time and I think he's really beating himself up about it. Another part is our cousins going back to Calgary and Vancouver over the next couple days.
I know that he has so much love for our family, and he always seems to get very sad when family trips end. I think now that he's experiencing this sadness in combination with feelings of depression and self loathing it'll be so much worse

I was talking to my parents a bit about it on the way to the airport and I just hate the way my dad is about these sorts of things. He has very little emotional intelligence and can come off very unsympathetic especially when discussing mental health issues. I remember when my other brother was having a lot of trouble with his anxiety and I suggested that it was due to mental illness he kind of treated it like a joke? "Yeah he is acting mentally ill, he's being so illogical" and I was just like .."dad I'm saying he IS mentally ill so he needs to be taken care of. This is just as serious as a physical illness" and he totally dismissed me it was infuriating. He said some shit about how I didn't know how hard my brother was to deal with and I wanted to slap him in the face

 

The rant continues

I just wish there was an easy way for me to tell my brothers how much they mean to me and how amazing they are. I'm bad at having serious conversations under the best circumstances, but when it comes o stuff about depression I can't say anything without bawling.

I also wish there was an easy way to sit my dad down and really let him now how harmful some of the things he says/does are. He makes a lot of sexist/racist/homophobic jokes that drive me insane. He does it basically to get under my skin a lot because he knows how much it bugs me. I want to tell him about how it doesn't just annoy me it hurts me. When he makes a joke about feminism and lgbt issues it hurts me so much that my own father treats such a huge part of me as something to laugh about. I basically can only talk to him about music and books because he's on such a different page when it comes to serious stuff

 

I feel you , it's interesting because my parents are fairly open minded but also make jokes or comments that are offensive and I just bite my tongue and internally roll my eyes which I don't know if it's helpful and I'm missing an opportunity to educate

 

I try to explain why the things my parents say are offensive or bad, and I've actually made a lot of progress with my mom but my dad just doesn't get it and I don't think he ever will

 

Is it true you can have Ambien Hangover? Cause I've been taking 5 mg a night for the last week and I'm tired as fuck during the day.

 

I'm still being a jerk I think. My bday is next week and we celebrated early. I don't need like a big deal made of it. I don't like being center of attention. I think I just want ppl to know me well enough that they know what I want to do or what I'd want as a gift, even if it's just a gift card to somewhere I love, but nobody did. normally I'm whatever about it but I think with my depression being more on the surface lately it just got to me. I feel like a spoiled brat. I should be grateful I get anything and people def did a lot for me yet here I am whining. I started tearing up with my mom cause all i wanted was thai food and we got Chinese instead. I felt like an idiot for crying over it lol. I don't need a huge spectacle I think I just want a nice small gesture that says I know you and put thought into this. I think I was crying cause I'm more upset at myself tho. I usually have a tighter grip on my emotions and am very practical but I feel like I'm losing it. Normally I never would've shown signs of being upset and I'm embarrassed that I did and in front of others over something so silly

 

Insomnia is so lonely.

 

I'm here if you want to rant / chat. I'm feeling very similar lately and dreading how I'll be feeling on my birthday in 2 weeks. I hope the chaotic emotions and thoughts pass soon for you, it's overwhelming

 

Thanks bb. It's just so not like me to get emotional like that especially in front of others. People kept asking what was wrong and I didn't even want to say because I felt so silly lol. nobody got me anything that says they put any thought into it, but I should appreciate I got anything. And nobody asked me what I wanted to do to celebrate, but I should appreciate they did anything. Idk what my deal is.

Sorry for rambling again ha. I hope your birthday ends up being awesome tho!! Happy early birthday!

 

Dude, seriously. I've slept for a total of like 16 hours this week. If that. Like three nights of no sleep at all. I'm so done.

 

I've been super manic all weekend. I've been doing kundalini yoga/making music and fasting in my room for the past two days. I haven't really left except to go to the bathroom or to get more water. I don't feel guilty about it either. I started writing this Soul Punk Opera during one of my more self-destructive episodes a couple years back. So I'm having this Jungian thought that it might save me to to get my story out of my head. I'm on some life imitating art level.. Prolly just delusional.

I go back to a partial hospitalization program tomorrow. I don't know how long I'll be in there but DBT/Mindfulness is my favorite thing rn.

 

Sounds normal to me to be bummed if it seemed they were just going through the motions with it. I'm not really into birthdays but I certainly prefer a "celebration" or whatever that's at least a little specific to me. But I also cannot stand generic actions/sentiments in any scenarios. Like people think this is the normal thing I should be doing/feeling so let's go for it. Societal norms woooO! That's also like a separate issue hah