Mental Health Thread • Page 283

Fall weather has hit and my mood has improved exponentially.

 

Today has sucked from beginning to fucking end. I am so incredibly frustrated by everything has happened today. And it's only fucking Tuesday.

 

My condolences for your loss.

 

Got dumped from my long term relationship a year ago today. Had definitely been in a better place for the past few weeks, but I don’t think I was expecting to feel as shitty as I did today. Not great!

 

Ex asked me to feed to cat while he’s away with family, a trip I was suppose to go on. It really hurts and I feel worse. It’s been hard not thinking about how I was looking really forward to go only to have gotten my heart broken. I’m trying to figure out expenses to I can try to get a “cheap” apartment. The cheapest I can’t even afford because rent is more than a paycheck working full time. And it’s considered affordable housing (eyeroll). What it’s actually considered is what I should be paying for a 2 bed. The other affordable complex that’s “better” in terms of amenities has too Long of a waitlist for what I’m trying to do. Plus it’s further away. I just want my cat with me so I can move on and be alone forever because no one wants to be with someone with 5+ mental health disorders etc. I’m balling my eyes out right now

 

Continuation of my post from several days ago but wow I still feel like a jerk trying to navigate someone else's triggers. At what point do you respect someone's triggers but also not enable? Like in the sense that they can't possibly avoid all of the triggers all of the time in this situation and I feel like it is doing the person a disservice by trying to eliminate every single trigger for them instead of actually helping them manage and cope with it when it happens?? Idk idk. I honestly feel so bad for even like.... Discounting a trigger for somebody?? Idk. I have triggers of my own but with this person it feels like any attempt to question them or challenge their view is triggering to them. Idk how to deal with that and im frustrated that everyone else just avoids it like a landmine so I'm the only insensitive jerk being like.... No.

 

Why are you the one feeding his cat? You two are broken up, it shouldn't be your task. Seems like a really rude thing to ask--albeit from my limited knowledge of your situation. I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling and it doesn't appear to have improved much. Wish I could help out, but more than that I wish I could just give you a hug. You deserve to feel loved and not feel lonely.

 

It’s my cat. He got it for me when we were together (the cat has always stayed there) but I can’t take him with me right now because my dad wasn’t want a cat in the house. Which is why I’m trying to budget for a place of my own, but again even “low income” housing where I’m at is barely affordable with a full time job

Edit: I didn’t anticipate the breakup and didn’t realize how long this is taking to find a place/better job. Since I was blindsided it’s like starting from the bottom with nothing

 

Was with the family dog recently as he was put down. It's not easy, and it's hard to not feel selfish about wanting more time with him, when his body couldn't offer that.

My therapist told me that when we get a dog, we accept an unofficial contract, one where the dog will give you unconditional love, and in return you'll need to be there for them when they pass, likely far earlier than us.

 

Here I go again complaining every single day about the same thing. I feel like people get annoyed and roll their eyes every time they see I made a post. I'm just going thru a very difficult time and never felt so hurt and I don't know what to do. I also have no one to talk to or vent to because I have no friends. I feel so lost I can't think straight, sleep (even tho I go to bed early) etc. It's getting more difficult to wake up and go to work. I barely make it on time, which is unlike me. I just want to die. I want everything to end. My life isn't worth living. I shouldn't have to live like this- in pain, lonely, poor, ugly... Things are going to get worse for me (health issues), I'll be lying in bed in agony literally not able to get up with no one around to help. My biggest far is coming true. At one point I thought I didn't need to worry anymore, but now I worry even more. I don't want to live like this anymore.

 

For what it's worth, I don't get annoyed seeing you post. I'm at the same point in my life as you right now. I really don't see a point in going on with life. I've been seeing a new therapist for the past month but so far I don't feel as if it's helping.

 

Things have just kind of sucked lately

 

I’m tired of feeling like I’m shouting into the void about how depressed I am and how meaningless I feel, like it’s a big joke wanting to talk to someone about how you have no one, but oh yeah...

 

All I want to do lately is stay in bed and shut the world out.

 

Broke up with my ex in like 2011 or 2012 and still had a nightmare that he was back in my life. In the dream we weren't "together" but he showed up and it was like half sitcom where I was trying to hide him and get him out of the house before anyone saw him, and half nightmare because even in dreams I get scared of him. My family ended up seeing him and I felt so ashamed and guilty and was trying to defend why i had him in the house and trying to convince them we weren't back together. The dream also took place in the home I lived in from ages 8-14 where many of my nightmares take place. I lived there years before I even met my ex. Just unsettling to still have those nightmares all this time later.

 

You got us boo

But I feel ya

 

long time no post y'all. i think since i last posted, i've been seeing a counselor about my mental health and since then, i've tapered off my appointments to once a month because i feel like my mental health has improved somewhat with the job stability, but the bad days have significantly lessened. i still have days where it feels meaningless and days where i struggle to get out of bed, but at least someone outside my family i can talk to and work it out helps.

 

I'm so tired of waking up sad all the time. I'm so tired of being sad all the time. I'm just tired of existing again I guess

 

As I mentioned before the only apartment I can afford has a year long waitlist. Well, I’m highly considering putting in a waitlist app and inquiring about the 2bed which is slightly cheaper than the other “low income” apt for their 1bed price. When I talked to them a couple months ago they it sounded like the 2bed is easier to get in to. The only thing is I don’t need 2bathrooms but the extra room does give me more storage and a room for my kitty! What’s also tough is my current job is further away from the apt. I am working towards something else but it’s gonna be a few more months.

 

The last few days have been horrific. My father in-law has been slowly losing his mind for months. It’s all a very long, complicated story. He got into a car accident several years ago that he never fully recovered from physically and he became addicted to pills, drugs, and alcohol. He lost his job and became deeply depressed. A few years ago when all this Trump shit ramped up he got hooked on Fox News And now it’s all he does. He wakes up in the morning, sits in his chair, turns on Fox News and watches it all day long. When he’s in the car he listens to either Rush Limbaugh or Alex Jones. Over the last few months it’s gotten so much worse. He started verbally abusing my mother in-law and has begun yelling into the wind about a variety of conspiracies. He’s been repeating things that sound like he’s partaking in certain online communities which espouse negative views of women and immigrants. It got so bad my mother in-law had to leave because he was relentlessly cruel. The texts he sends are disgusting. He then started threatening to take his own life and blamed her for all his problems. She went to a counselor a few days ago and told her everything he’d been saying. The counselor then told her she was now obligated to call the police. He was then hospitalized by the police. As they took him away he was spitting every obscenity in the book at her and trying to attack her. His son came to help his mom and my father in-law told him he was no longer his son and their relationship was over. The police took away all his guns and knives (he was in the military, is also a hoarder, and collects guns and knives as a hobby). 24 hours later they let him go. He immediately came home and texted the entire family, including me, that he wanted his keys, drugs, and guns and fuck all the rest of us. When we wouldn’t give in he spent the next 24 hours texting us and sending photos every half hour to tell us he was walking around the house with a sledgehammer putting holes in the walls and destroying his family’s personal things. He said he wouldn’t stop until we gave him what he wanted. This morning he threw everything they own on the lawn and put up a sign telling neighbors “first come, first serve.” I tried texting him messages of love in the group text and he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. I’ve known him my entire life. My wife and I have been best friends basically our entire lives. In more ways than one he has been the supportive father figure to me that I’ve always wanted my own dad to be. My wife has been crying her eyes out and none of us know what to do anymore. My heart is broken.

 

It's really hard to want to keeping living when you feel like life isn't going anywhere for you. My entire life has been full of bad luck and misfortune. Nothing has gone right. Just when things look up they look back down. I'm trying really hard to get by for my cat. I'm trying to get shit together so I can find a place and have my cat with me. The hard part is I'll still be lonely. I'll still have no one to talk to or spend time with. My cat can't respond back to me. I just don't enjoy living and never have. I have it pretty tough... I'm the ugliest person alive and no one is going to want to stay with me. Everyone leaves. I'm only going to get uglier. It's not fair. I don't want to go on like this. I want something to look forward to. Oh and I downloaded tinder today even tho I was totally against it, but theres no one on the 3 other apps I've tried.. and just as I thought, no one again.

 

I'm going to take the test to get my permit....again....tomorrow. I've been really, really working hard these last few years to try and better cope with my anxiety and I have really gotten a grip on my panic attacks so I figured it was time to once again attempt to conquer my crippling fear of driving. This time I have told absolutely no one except my mom since she'll be the one teaching me to drive. I just want zero outside pressure or expectations. Just want to take my time and focus on it at my own pace. The last times I've tried everyone knew and gave me so much shit when I never got my license. So far my mom is being really supportive and agreed to not tell anyone and is already setting aside time to help me practice. Very, very nervous but I really hope I can do it this time. It would honestly be life changing for me so fingers crossed I can get my shit together and finally do it.

 

If you ever wanna talk feel free to pm me.

 

Stopped by to drop off a wait list app.. the the price quote I was given and what’s online is certain units only and it’s rare that they’re available. The “regular” price is actually a lot more and I’m better off with the other complex I’m on a list for. Again both of these are “affordable housing” which I feel like is far from because a non “affordable housing” complex has same rent prices