Mental Health Thread • Page 28

I get free counseling through my school so I'm hoping to go when the semester starts... I won't be able to continue after December but I feel like it might help to at least get a few months? Especially since I'll be working on my thesis project and depending on my position for that the stress could be astronomical. I just wish I wasnt so afraid of going back to therapy after all this time (I went to a few different therapists in elementary and middle school due to my parents' divorce and my dad being in rehab but I haven't gone back bc scary)

 

I hope you do get to!! But I know what you mean! Same exact boat but I don't have insurance so it's like all of that makes it easy to keep putting off. But maybe we can encourage each other to find a good one.

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Also, I just would like to say my mental state is so different than yesterday and I really want to thank everyone on this & the dating thread who helped with that.

 

I hate my anxiety so much. I need a new job badly but for some reason I'm terrified to reach out to the heads of the department from my major in college. Why am I so scared? Why can't I just send this fucking email? There's literally nothing to be scared of and I know that yet I'm still terrified to email them. Fuck

 

When your doctor calls you and says "We need to find you a physiologist kid". having my meds adjusted sucks.

 

I don't feel like I know how to actually be happy for anyone anymore. I just get jealous either of other people's relationships, their place in life, or their ability to buy anything/travel/do whatever they want. I don't want to hear anything happy from anyone because I just get bitter and this is horrible and I don't know how to move past this

 

Things have been a roller coaster lately and even though I mentioned it in the dating thread, it made me realize it's BECAUSE of his mental health that things are going so out of whack.
He is bipolar and has been just making impulse decision after impulse decision as his way to deal with everything going on and is just digging this hole bigger instead of climbing out.
I'm being sucked down in with him and at the same time stepped on.
I got the first taste of what it means to be an "enabler" and feel truly manipulated and taken advantage of, but standing up for myself means losing my best friend.
Things are.....complicated. Yeah.

 

I just came to the realization that the internet (especially social media) triggers my anxiety and depression more than anything else. There's so much toxicity all over it. But like, we're in a generation that pretty well relies on it. Like fuck, I met my girlfriend of the past year and 8 months because the internet. I feel like it would be beneficial for me to leave all of it, but at the same time, I am already insanely lonely and I'm terrified of cutting off what is often my only connection to other people.

 

i think i'm more scared of realizing i'm lonely than of being lonely itself

 

the internet is a tough one because at least for me it's helped me figure out who I am, oh there are words for things on Tumblr I'm not the only one (I hope this doesn't come across as me saying I'm an otherkin lol)

but on the other hand I have also seen so many people act so poorly it's disheartening, but I'm sure it happens in real life too I just live in a bubble

 

I guess it's just easier to end up in weird and negative places and situations because it's the whole world on a screen essentially. Like, I definitely experience toxicity in my life outside of the internet, but it's not as much. My OCD is such shit, I latch onto things and they echo in my head forever, and there's so much that goes thrown into the mix online that I constantly get totally overwhelmed by it all. I can't just brush things off like I see so many people do.

There's definitely some positives, like this conversation, I can have genuinely good conversations with people at times. But also really bad ones, or be attacked or whatever. It's just the trouble of wondering if that good makes all of the bad worth it and I don't totally think it does anymore. But I don't know, thank you for talking listening to my emo rants. haha

 

My brother keeps saying that he's better off dead because he's unhappy at the idea that even he gets his dream job, he thinks it will still be pointless because he stays at home all day and that he has nothing to live for anymore.

I wish I could say something to help but he gets more angry at the idea that he has to earn his happiness.

 

Here's How To Find Therapy You Can Actually Afford

 

I'm just kinda sitting here repetitively telling myself I'm strong and not at all how I feel

 

I can't decide if I've been so snippy and impatient cause I'm depressed or what. Today I was with family I love and rarely get to see and I was just not feeling it. I even had my gma offering to buy me clothes and I didn't want any part of it. I was all moody in my head like bleh who cares about materialistic things I just want to get rid of them all and be a hermit. Which is kiiiinda like me but not like me to turn down free stuff lol. And I kept disagreeing with my sisters today and it made me feel annoying and pretentious or something and I'm sure I was a bit cause I think I can be without noticing. then it makes me want to isolate myself further which prob doesn't make anyone like me more lol. I hate feeling like the odd one out no matter where I am or who I'm with.

Blah blah blah whiny whinerson. I just feel sad and disliked and lonery

 

I had a panic attack for the first time in ages tonight. I think my last one was last year. I'm still trying to breathe properly and just relax again, it's been really difficult getting through this one

 

Hope this helps to better everyone's day bc it sure did mine. ❤️

 

Demi can be messy and frustrating but I am so glad she's doing this

 

So I'm on day two of my trip to America. I stopped my meds about a month
Ago due to the amount of weight I was gaining, and the fact that I didn't feel like myself on them.

I was worried I may spiral into a manic state, however I haven't felt better in a long time. This is 100% not a bipolar episode, i really feel that having a spell away from home, and getting away from all my problems back home had done me a world of good.
If anything it's just helped strengthen my idea that moving away from home, somewhere new would do me wonders. I feel so much more content spending my time away from Scotland.

 

Welcome to the US my friend! I'm glad you are doing well without the meds! Hope you are enjoying America!

 

I'm starting to feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I've been on a rollercoaster in terms of dealing with my depression since I had bariatric surgery in November (rapid weight loss = huge influx of hormones = lots of ups and looooots more downs). I'm in another down swing right now, but that's being compounded with my absolute loathing of my job and money problems. I used to love my job, but it's just not enough and I'm tired of putting up with it. I've put in a ton of applications in the last couple of weeks, but sysadmin jobs are tough to get without certs or a degree even when you have 5+ years experience. :|

I hate having to force myself to project happiness. I just want to take a month off and live in a cottage on the beach and stare at the ocean. But that costs money. Lots of money. And maybe get a job that makes me happier and pays better. Sigh.

 

Tonight I was trying to pinpoint when I got so cynical and negative. Sometimes I wonder if it's just my personality or if maybe this isn't the way I'm supposed to be. Like maybe I'm supposed to be more cheery and happy but I've been depressed so long I'm just used to this. Idk. This doesn't make sense. Weird late night thoughts. I'm gonna see this post in the morning and be like wtf

 

I goofed hard and didn't refill my meds before going on vacay. Ive been skipping days and taking half doses cause I don't want to stop abruptly. Thank god I haven't had any brain zaps yet

 

I have thoughts like this too. Like how much of this is just my personality vs my mental illness

 

I made the call yesterday to start going to counseling. My work offers a free service to find a counselor and from what I've been told we may get a few free sessions. I know I've needed to do this for a while.

 

The worst part, besides weight gain, of being on meds is the numbness. I still see my therapist once a month bc I basically need her to reassure me that I'm still a human being. I hold myself to a VERY high standard which is where a lot of my stress comes from..like I should be doing more than I am to help people.

I have to tell myself to keep taking my meds bc while being numb sucks, having an episode is worse for everyone and not just me.

It's so unfair and I'm really proud of how great this thread turned out bc you're all awesome and so supportive. Honestly, better to talk to sometimes than professionals. It feels good to know someone is behind you even if it's on the Internet.

Proud to be friends with each and every one of you.