Mental Health Thread • Page 270

I haven't. It's typically a conflict of interest for me because I work in the child welfare system, but this particular child is one that I've known for a while and I think I could manage him. It's a whole hassle cause then they have to make the case sensitive so I can't read anything about the case anymore and blah blah. I filled out the paperwork just to be a child-specific foster parent for this one kid, but we'll see how it goes! I would love to foster regularly in the future when I'm not like a single woman living alone with little support lol

 

well you're so wise and caring that I'm sure you'll make an awesome foster mama!

 

@Kiana is gonna get every foster kid in Oregon to stan Britney and Christina

 

Thanks! It'll be kinda weird cause I have court tomorrow on a different case, but after his hearing is when I'll find out for sure (and I won't be at his hearing) so it'll likely just be a coworker saying... You ready to mom it up? So tomorrow will be interesting!

#goals

If I do get this kid I'm bringing him with me to see the goo goo dolls this weekend lol

 

A feel like a lot of stuff is going bad right now and I can't think of anything to feel good about and I wish I didn't have to keep on. I don't know how much more weary I can get of everything

 

It is SO weird to me that people describe me as happy and cheerful. I think of myself as having a dry sense of humor, monotone sarcastic Daria personality type, but others describe me as smiling and cheerful and it's just interesting how different that perspective is. I imagine that what I feel on the inside is more depressed and exhausted so I assume that's what reflects outwardly, but it does not appear so

 

So I'm not getting the foster child and I'm totally cool with it but I realized that it was a good motivator for me to get my life together. I cleaned and felt motivated to clean. I was looking forward to something. like in the way that I dgaf when I'm just taking care of me and I'll be lazy and won't follow through, but if there's a bigger purpose I'll get it together. Like it was nice focusing on something that wasn't work or myself. So when I meet with my therapist this week I'm gonna see how I can channel that and be a productive citizen without taking on the responsibility of children

 

Nothing I do will ever be good enough for certain members of my family and it's really starting to wear me down. But they just don't care and would rather put words in my mouth and make assumptions like a bunch of petulant children. It's kind of ironic to me how I'm actually being the mature one

 

my social anxiety has me wanting to change the coding bootcamp i'm in from classroom to online. its not a good thing since i am going to eventually have to work in similar environments. as of right now i don't know if the anxiety is going to keep me from getting the work done, and i want to wait it out. right now i just wanna bail though

 

I struggle with communicating with others lately. To me, the way you communicate conflict is through give and take. You acknowledge the other person's perspective while still bringing forth your own. It isn't difficult to speak ur peace while still validating someone else's feelings and experience. I will never understand how some people make it so far in life without this basic skill. It's to the point where I'm so done with the human race. I want to go on a vacation by myself. I'm done navigating conflict and people just taking without giving anything back and people thinking I work pro bono and that it's ok to blur boundaries. Dooooone. I took two days off this month and they can't come fast enough. I just need a break.

 

Having a really fucking hard time today/tonight.

 

I feel ya there today!

 

I have this thing where I get bad anxiety after the fact. Like last night I went out to my friend's birthday get together and I didn't know anybody but her and I had a good time but now I feel like I might've annoyed her somehow and it's spiralled into feeling like nobody likes me at all!

 

Ugh I'm like this too!! I'll leave an interaction or situation feeling confident and then by the end of the night I've managed to work myself up into anxiety that I've annoyed everyone and screwed something up. But I promise u nobody else is overthinking ur interactions! It's just ur anxiety trying to trick ur brain and take u down!

 

I appreciate you saying so! I definitely overthink things especially after I actually try to be outgoing for once

 

I started self harming again and I hate it. And I'm fucking tired of putting on the front that I'm okay when I'm seriously not at all.

 

This is such a great community to vent your frustration and rant your issues. Sometimes, talking about it helps. Message any one of us if you need anything at all but you have so much to give. Please, don't feel like you're alone here. You belong.

 

Thank you.

 

No need to thank anyone. It's always good to be able to pick yourself up when you're down. It's okay if you need a little help, there's nothing wrong with that, but the fact you've admitted you're not ok is a great start. Now you can work on being happy for yourself.

 

@PeacefulOrca sorry to hear, feel free to pm me if you want to talk

 

Anyone else with bipolar and/or prone to panic attacks? Both for me here...on the verge of a panic attack at the office. Ughhh.

 

I heard back from one of the companies I applied to at the job fair a couple weeks ago. I went in for an interview and it felt really good. First company to respond to me in months. I’ve applied to at least 80 jobs at this point. Interview went well and they said they’d call me to follow up. Got the call today. I didn’t get the job. I’m just sitting in a grocery store parking lot right now crying my eyes out and feeling so fucking lost.

 

Hurt a good friend today because I'm a fucking idiot.

 

Sorry to hear that. Job hunting is so soul sucking. At least you got the interview. It's a step forward as you're interesting to companies. I know all too well what you're feeling and wish you nothing but the best!

 

I feel very close to whole these days. What a wonderful, joyous feeling it is. I'm getting closer to the "end" of my transition, to the point where I can just live my life. I'm getting closer to "now what?" instead of "gotta get my next therapy letter for insurance purposes."

Gina and I talked briefly tonight, for the first time in a while, about having children. We always knew we'd need "outside help" so that isn't the issue. The issue is the money involved in making and raising a kid in the south SF bay area...and the "timeline" as she called it...she's getting a BSN, then plans to use it for a while. So I'm going to be an older father, possibly 40 by the time we get there. Same age as her dad when she was born, so she had feelings there.

I mention that convo because like I said, I realized I'm so close to being able to focus on anything other than that next surgery. Like learning a trade, or fatherhood...to just be me in the world, whole, for the first time. It's sort of like life reset a breaker and I'm starting fresh right now. I don't care if I'm a first-time dad at 40. I'm gonna just be so excited to be there, living authentic and right.

Plus I'm going to be the first person to live to 150, so