Mental Health Thread • Page 27

How long has it been since you were manic?

 

I'd probably say just over a week and a half, but I can happily sit in a Hypo manic phase for a while, so I'm not sure.

I'm not thinking about moving away next week or anything, trying to set out a timeline. Giving myself 6 months to sort my life in Scotland, and make sure it's what I want to do before going anywhere.

 

So here I am, in the mental health thread. Due to a recent relationship issue, examining my feelings and re-examining past relationships, it's pretty apparent that I'm codependent. And I have no idea how to fix that. Anyone else have this problem?

 

Ok good. That's what I was going to say before you made any permanent plans. I always think about leaving when I'm manic so that's why I asked not trying to pry or anything. You never know..it might be exactly what you need? Situations that I'm part of help to keep my emotions balanced. Hope you feel better and get everything sorted.

 

Thought I was going off the deep end a few days ago after doing poorly on the gmat. I'd normally just kinda roll over and die when bad shit like this happens, but I feel determined to redeem myself, like I owe it to myself now...maybe I am really getting better

 

If you're in the dating thread than sorry you've probably heard enough of my whining but, my 5.5 year relationship is ending and it feels like the world is ending. And then I get this insurmountable guilt for being That Girl that lets relationships get to her that much. This week all I have wanted to do is run away. Leave everything including my phone and shoes and just start walking. I have thought about how my (now ex) keeps a gun in his car that I have access to. I have had to physically restrain myself from tearing all my hair out.
I'm just a fucking mess, to put it simply.

 

You're not "that girl". You're dealing with the dissolution of 5.5 years of your life with someone. I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't do anything rash there is always someone here you can talk to. I check chorus frequently and others do too. I wish I had more wisdom but I know how much it helps to type it out.

 

I couldn't imagine the pain of a 5.5 year relationship ending. I think, from what I've read, you're handling it about as good as I would. Don't be ashamed to feel how you feel.

 

I don't know if "handling" and "dealing" are actually things I am doing though......mostly in denial and then hit with random bouts of crying and hopelessness.
When it sinks in is when it feels the worst. When it feels real is when my stomach drops.
But thank you both, so, so much.

 

I'm not the best with advice but I just want you to know that it's okay to feel so much, 5.5 years is a LONG time, of course it's affecting you a lot. Try to take it easy, be kind to yourself and remember people are always here for you

 

Thank you... Seriously. Even simple messages like this mean the world to me right now, when I feel totally and completely alone.

I touched on this in the dating thread but... I am not exaggerating when I say I have no friends here. I have a handful of friends that moved away or live in other places, but no one here that really cares for me. Well some of those friends are in a group chat and I thought they would be there for me but it ended up causing a huge fight. I ended up feeling guilty for turning to my friends.

 

I'm so sorry. I really hope you meet some lovely people who will be there during tough times because you deserve it! If you want to chat privately, feel free to message me / add me on social media, I'll be here. Break ups are awful

 

Thank you that's really sweet of you. I ended up following you on tumblr which is a pretty bold move for me as I like to keep that part of me pretty private but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ps I wish I would have made that shrug my username. Lol

 

Aw yay! I'll follow you back now haha, thanks for being bold for me

 

I'm going through something similar but with only a 2.5 year relationship that had plenty of problems and should have really only lasted 6 months thinking back about it. I feel all of what you're describing and I feel super over dramatic about it. Seeing that someone else feels the same way makes me feel better and if you ever need to talk to someone feel free to reach out.

 

I thought this was an interesting article.

5 Writers Who Suffered from Mental Illnesses & the Impact It Had on Their Art

 

I'm definitely getting to the point of realizing how much of it wasn't a healthy relationship or even a relationship I wanted. I'm trying to reconcile the fact that the person I love and the relationship I want are, unfortunately, two different things right now.
But I am glad me speaking out is making you feel better! Thanks again and right back at you with needing someone to reach out to

 

Called out of work today, fourth time I've done so since I started in the beginning of June. I've heard that the higher-ups are mad at me and want to fire me, but since the job is making me more suicidal than I've ever been, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad things.

 

I'm really sorry. I know how difficult this is. That is the reason I lost my last job. Hold on dear, and like you said maybe it would be for the best.

 

Question for anyone: At what point do you decide that someone in your family or circle of friends has gone from battling a mental illness to someone who is outright toxic and just a jerk who happens to be diagnosed with mental illness? I mean obviously if they regress into being outright hateful and/or abusive then their story is over, but is there a point outside of that where their behavior becomes unsettling in a difficult to describe way to the point where you feel uncomfortable around them? Like they seem normal enough but have a toxic esoteric energy or something? And how do you generally handle that situation? Not sure if that made sense TBH.

 

Welp. Have stopped feeling anything now. This happens in cycles sometimes so I guess it'll be like this for a while. Dads still in and out of the hospital and planning surgery, one of my best friends is still struggling with MS and having a hard time, still not feeling like I'll amount to anything and allowing the fear of failure to stop me from pushing forward with my art, haven't talked to any friends or anyone in a few weeks now. Just dead numbness to sit in every day. Stuck in place until it ends up being too late to be stuck in place any longer and I realize I let every possible opportunity fly by me. I know it's happening but I can't stop it. Can't bring myself to reach out or go see any friends or anything or get off my ass and get some real work put into my failing "career". Idk.

 

This is just my experience. There is a fine line between illness and manipulation. I can't control what I do when I'm manic but I always hold myself accountable afterwards bc it doesn't absolve you of bad behavior, imo. How did they act before the diagnosis? Some medicines have side affects that could be doing it. There are tons of factors and mental illness is nowhere near black and white. My doc uses the example that if someone mentally ill went to a restaurant and ate knowing they had no money and knew that their family would come pay for it..that's manipulation. This might not even be answering your questions lol Feeling uncomfortable around someone w/ MI is like feeling uncomfortable around any regular person. You don't have to be around them just bc you feel guilty if you dip instead of hanging around.

 

Seems like I'm in a similar boat and I feel what you're saying. Creative block, numbness, depression, family members and friends coming and going in hospitals etc. Wish I had some insightful advice, but I'm figuring it out too. Nothing to do sometimes but try to stay positive enough to help make positive or entertaining memories for later to the best of your ability, but it often seems easier said than done.

 

I have therapy next week and my therapist said we're gonna start going through my sexual assault. I'm scared out of my mind. I know it needs to be done but I really don't want to. She tried to go into last session. It's so hard to verbalize something when I'm talking about what happened to me. I'm not triggered by anything but it's my story and not a patient, friend, family member, etc. so it's hard.

 

I wanna look into seeing a therapist by the end of the year but like where do i even start with one? I used to see them as a teen but my mom had already sort of filled them in. I have so many issues idek where I'd start lol. Also the thought of figuring out my insurance and finding a therapist sounds terrible