Mental Health Thread • Page 261

I definitely understand that and can honestly relate. Thing is; I have other friends that can do things without their wives/husbands/kids so I have that but it can be tough when they are out and need to go back to their family in little to time and whatnot but I guess I have to respect that they have "grown up" before me and eventually, when I'm ready i'll get there.

 

I dread this day. Most of my friends now are PhD students and all late 20s-early 30s and when their schooling is over they’re either going to have kids or move away for work. It feels real depressing being in a spot with a steady job and kind of building a life here (cost of living is so damn good it’s hard to rationalize moving anywhere else) while the days are numbered for my friends.

Then suddenly I’ll be like 35 and not know how or where to make friends anymore.

 

I've noticed the last few new friends I've made have all been older and their kids are grown and out of the house now and I don't think that's a coincidence lol. It's so hard to find friends in the same life stage. It doesn't help that I'm in a conservative area so a lot of the mindset is the woman watches the kids, so my friends always want or have to bring the kids along, or they're single parents who don't have a partner to switch on and off with. And they're all happy seeming and I'm glad etc etc but I'm selfishly like ugh

Like my friend I'm supposed to see xtina in vegas with will now be like 7 months pregnant by the time of the show. Idek if she'll be able to fly, but even if she could like they're floor GA seats and she'll be super uncomfortable so I'm simultaneously happy for her while also being like

 

fell off the deep end for awhile. back to consistent treatment and doing better. unpacked a lot of shit. feels pretty good. trying to figure out how to stay in touch with people but don't know which ones to reach out too and i don't know if i will ever have the energy to keep up with anyone.

tl;dr i'm still alive and am not socially isolating myself anymore but its hard

 

Constantly feel like people just tolerate me and don’t enjoy talking to me or associating with me

 

i feel this. i usually feel somewhat fine when i'm with people, it's always the night of that i'm replaying the interactions in my head and beating myself up about everything little thing i said and how i said it.

 

I enjoy your presence, at least you don't think everyone hates you like I do

 

i get the feeling (i often feel like i'm just tolerated and "just there" in group situations since i'm often more quiet and reserved and stay in the background) but it's not true at all. i love getting to chat with you and cherish every time we get to talk, even if it's less often now than it was at the peak a year or so ago. don't take insensitive comments to heart because i know that i and others absolutely do appreciate you.

 

Kind of sort of phrasing

 

message me if you ever need someone to talk to. lots of people here care about you!

 

ditto the above post. I've tried it twice myself and it's a scary place to be. I would be happy to talk about anything, anytime.

 

Can only echo what's been said already. It is a scary thought to have but you are NEVER alone. Please do not hesitate to voice anything and we will all be there in a heartbeat

 

I'm not sure how much this will help, but just know that I've been in your position before and I know how much it sucks. You're not alone. I think I can speak for everyone and say we all care about you.

 

I think this about myself a lot. If I hang out with someone too many days in a row I get really insecure and start looking into everything and assuming they're annoyed with me or hate me. I feel like I'm never anyone's favorite or the must have in a group. Nobody's like "oh let's call up Kiana and invite her!" And I'm kind of a bore to the good time

But then I have to remind myself that IM saying this about myself and nobody else is. I'm the one being unkind and I'm sure in ur situation ur also being harder on yourself than anyone else

 

Omg I just posted this and then literally my friend text me asking me if I'm mad at her because I seemed upset and I was totally fine and now I'm like see it's true I come off weird and unpleasant!!

 

I know that both of us are busy and our free time hardly matches up lately, but I’m always here for you. You’re still one of my dearest friends. I care about you so much, so does everyone who knows you! Please stay alive and stay safe

 

Discovering you're still a stubborn, narrow-minded, aggressive and emotionally fragile person is horrible.

 

Began seeing a psychiatrist a few months ago to help with medication management. Kind of a bumpy ride so far trying to find an SSRI to pair with Wellbutrin. I find myself struggling to parse my reaction to situations that make me upset/anxious/frustrated under the lens of "is this me or is it being exacerbated the meds". Definitely challenging trying to find what's right for me.

 

I finally got thru to the billing Dept and they never updated my insurance info and tried to bill my old one. So hopefully this $400 bill will go away. That would be such a weight off my shoulders.

 

I am not always very attached to being alive
tw for for mentions of suicide
I relate to this hard

 

holy shit, that was a great read (you know what i mean) thanks for posting @mad

i'm not one to really post in this thread, just lurk as the kids say, but the passage below is basically how i lived and viewed things for a handful years when i was in my early 20's:

"I’ve become adept at treading. I know — or I suspect, or I dread — that my legs will exhaust and I will slip beneath the surface, but I don’t want it to be soon. For now, I can and want to keep my head above water. But will is never enough, and so I have learned to surround myself with ways to stay afloat.

Some are like passing driftwood: Living to see the series finale of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Finishing that book that’s been taking up brain real estate for years. The prospect that maybe tonight will be the night I meet someone halfway decent on Tinder. They’re shallow motivators, hardly anchors to life, but sometimes you just need something that will get you through the month. Or the week. Or the night."

that's how i felt when LOST was on. it sounds stupid or almost humorous but i would say to myself, "well i want to know how LOST ends so it's not like i'm going to do anything anytime soon" (note: i never tried to do anything or even thought about any action happening - more so my mind is always just like, "hey, there's a way out if we want to go now, just so you know")

 

Yeah, so that article didn’t hit home with me until this part:

“Chronic suicidal ideation takes so many forms. It can be fantasizing about passing during sleep, developing a terminal disease, dying in a tragic accident. Or it’s background noise, a staticky station whispering taunts you can almost, but never entirely, tune out. It hits some people only in the dead of night or when they’ve been drinking; others completely at random like a flash storm they have to wait out.”

I’ve had these feelings for basically my entire 20’s or more, maybe.

last spring, though, I definitely had a lot of thoughts/dreams occur before I went on a solo road trip about never returning from that trip. it’s so bizarre for me to think about now and how far removed I am from last year.

 

I feel so empty all the time.

People will share their “memories” on social media and talk about how fun a time they had. Then it hit me...I’ve never experienced that. I never had a time where I can say a moment or day was super fun. I’ve only ever been content. For one I’ve never had the opportunity to have these fun moments. It’s like I’ve been so empty and alone for so long that I don’t know how to have fun, and when I try it doesn’t happen the way I want to. Makes me feel like I’ll ever be able to enjoy anything.

 

Experiencing burn out HARD but I still have so much on my plate and I’m getting very depressed. Help

 

My therapist let me borrow her noise thing with the different soothing noises and she let me borrow her cart cause I said I was cleaning this weekend and get discouraged about all the trips back and forth between my apt and the dumpster. Super awesome of her. I left the noise thing in my car tho and figured it'd be fine but ugggh wish I has grabbed it. I'm thinking I'm getting bad sleep partly cause I'm so sensitive to sound and a light sleeper. I fall asleep fairly quickly but wake up constantly. I woke up to what sounded like intense thunder and there isn't even a storm so idk what it was but now I can't fall back asleep. I should probably go down and get the noise machine but my laziness is prevailing