Mental Health Thread • Page 257

@Kiana I’m sorry that is such a struggle and I can relate with it a lot. I feel like it’s scary how normalized casual alcoholism is by our generation/society in general. I’m glad that a few years ago I became more like you, like you grow up and you learn and you just can’t help but judge people who continue to re-make the same mistakes of their youth especially when they have no desire for introspection or moderation

 

Today is just a frustrating day and I feel like I vent on this site so much but idk where else to do it. I have been the fixer and listener since I was a kid and now it's what I do for a living and I feel like I'm always here to fix the lives of others and listen and pull things together when everyone else is a mess, but nobody is rly there to listen when I vent. I'm never allowed to be a mess. And part of that is on me because I undermine my problems and then dont speak up, but idk. I ask people how they are and what's going on genuinely and literally like ten times a day but nobody does the same for me. And I don't want to have to tell someone to listen and ask me how I am, like I want them to ask because they care and want to know. Everyone just has bigger problems. My sister has my nephew and her school and BIL and her own issues and then my friend is a foster parent whose always having a rough go and my other friend I never see and my other friend always has issues and moved an hour away and never follows thru on plans and idk. Just sucks.

Also I've eaten like five Rice krispie treats to cope

 

Lol I had text a friend about how I was stressed out and she called me and I thought it might be to ask me what was up, but she just asked me a random question and then I of course asked her how her night went and she talked about it and then I got asked nothing about my day or how I am. I guess I could've just led with my feelings but like... Again I feel like I shouldn't have to initiate that and someone should care enough to ask idk idk maybe that's just too much

 

I think deep down I'm just jealous that everyone else is allowed to fall apart but I never feel like I can.

 

Feel this so hard. You are allowed!! We have your back.

 

does anyone else get way depressed when they’re on their period?

 

I'm a whole mess sometimes. Migraines, emotional, sick. But not always so I never know what to expect

 

Omg yes! Every single month from like the week before my period starts until midway through my period I am an absolute mess. My family will ask if I'm about to start my period bc they can tell a difference in my mood even. Idk my depression is always there but around my period it's just badddddd. I tried asking my OB/GYN about it and if there was a med I could take or something but she was not helpful at all and just dismissed it completely and said it was "just PMS" and to "exercise and eat less red meat" (when I'm a vegetarian lol....) so I'm still trying to figure out what to do about it.

 

I feel y’all hard. The week before my period is always the worst, emotionally. I have even joked on here before that I know that if I’m feeling particularly hopeless (suicidal), it’s a good indicator my period is coming within the next few days.
I don’t have anything hopeful to add, unfortunately. Just that y’all are not alone.

 

I am just exhausted. I feel like I've simultaneously put in so much effort and absolutely no effort into getting better and I'm just burnt out. I feel empty and beyond lazy. I have the mental desire to move forward, get a new job, change my life and not be miserable, but I completely lack the mental drive to do so. I want to be better, but apparently not enough to actually go through with it. I don't think I ever will.

 

i feel this!!

 

Coworkers of mine have been screenshotting social media posts of mine dealing with my depression and how my work is a trigger and sending them to my boss.

What a fun thing to learn today.

 

that's really shitty

 

ugh @Garrett L. that's so shitty, maybe you should change your privacy settings so they can't see everything you post?
but seriously wtf is their problem, what are they even trying to accomplish by doing that

 

I've been there, sometimes I really think it was the insane amount of drugs they put me on that are the worst problem though. I have entire stretches of memory that are missing from that time.

 

Yeah. I made my twitter private but I also know now that it’s someone I’m actually friends with on Facebook. I still don’t know who, though I have a couple ideas.

I’ve got a lucrative position in the retail world, but those who would benefit from me leaving also wouldn’t be the ones doing this.

 

what the fuck? this is super messed up.

 

also I don’t know about the states but in Canada it would definitely be illegal to fire you for having depression

 

Wtf that's so messed up! Ur work pics are adorable and I will end this saboteur!! So sorry ur dealing with that violation of trust. It's so wrong.

 

In Tennessee, you can be fired for looking for other jobs. Which was my main fear. But she said she had zero plan to do that.

 

I've been absolutely miserable this entire week. I'm not even sure why. It's just been one thing after another. I'm going to Dave and Buster's after I eat dinner to play some Dance Dance Revolution (it helps me not self harm) but that's still just something of a temporary fix. I don't know what to do otherwise.

 

Being unemployed is making me feel completely worthless. I have no degree, no skills, a lot of experience in every level things I have no interest in, and I'm not seeing any good opportunities come up. I have no social life and not much hope of changing that until I have a job at the least. I don't even feel like I know how to talk to people. The few people I feel like I should be close to don't even really talk to me that much. I don't feel like I really have any direction right now and I feel like giving up

 

I talked to my therapist about the massive amount of guilt I carry for how badly I handled it when I had a parentified relationship with my little sister, which I've never opened up about before. She was quick to say gurl u were only 13 like it's not your fault blah blah but I feel like I will die with the guilt. It keeps me up at night. It makes me feel like I'm not even worthy to work with children. I was only a child myself but actions still have consequences. She kept saying my parents are responsible and not myself, but I have a hard time not forming the connection. Like I know I shouldn't have been responsible for her like that but at the end of the day I was and I think it's objective fact that the poor way I treated her has impacted her negatively and followed her into adulthood and I will always feel responsible even if I shouldn't have been put in that situation.

 

I’m not used to this level of happiness and contentment in my life. Anticipating the inevitable, horrible comedown that I won’t be able to deal with

 

Update on this: 20 minutes after I posted this, my cat that had been missing for over a month was found. So now she's home safe and I'm taking it as a sign that some things might start looking up.