Mental Health Thread • Page 235

On the note of mania/hypomania...can my brain just chill and stop coming up with new research ideas every five seconds? I really want to do this undegrad student/faculty research program next year but I can't tell if I'm just thinking about it because I'm manic. I hate that I have trouble figuring out who I am vs. what's just mania. I hate that I'm probably just really a lazy person but when I'm manic (which is honestly a lot of the time) I become super motivated. I already consider myself a failure half the time but I think I'd be more of one without this disorder, which is just so fucking weird. Bipolar disorder is so bizarre. People think we just hear voices (of course some people do though) and ruin peoples' lives (I fucking hate that stigma) but they don't know what it's actually like at all.

I also listened to Joyce Manor and Jawbreaker today and thought about a former friend of mine I used to talk about those bands with. I sort of missed him and thought maybe I overreacted over the summer. Then I remembered he said awful and blatantly untrue things about people with bipolar disorder and was just not a very nice person in general and I feel like I did the right thing. All we did was talk about music anyway, and I have better friends I can do that with and also talk about other things with too.

 

something I’ve been trying to do each night is mentally list the things I did well that day
I definitely recommend anyone who’s struggling with self worth to try it out, I find it helpful for reframing things in a positive light

 

I take Lamictal. When I’ve run out, my anxiety is so bad I’m in physical pain and my head feels like it’s going to explode and nothing helps. I’m afraid if I increase my dosage I won’t want to do anything. My dosage was actually higher a while before and I was a zombie. I would get home from work and go right to bed at 6. I lost interest in everything and was numb. I guess I need to find a dosage in the middle.

 

I take Lamictal too! Running out is terrible. I get so moody and lethargic and burst into tears at the slightest provocation. Drugs are weird.

 

We should start a Lamictal club. I can't remember if I took mine but I haven't noticed any changes and I'd rather not risk double-dosing.

 

Nothing like being bullied out of a thread and made to feel like you don't matter as a human.

 

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner, Chase. Anytime you wanna talk, I'm here. Lord knows I could use someone to talk to right about now.

 

hang out in astro lounge, far fewer dickbags

 

What thread?

 

and i WILL delete that thread if dickbaggishness occurs on my watch



related to mental health: i passed my background check for sprouts without any issues, so either my "secret" is safe or they really actually do not care that i'm a trans dude

 

thankfully the drama stopped. I'm not going to be like the person who took my post from here and posted it in the drama thread.

but thanks for the support!

 

awww. so sweet.

I did not know this and I think that you are fucking awesome! My cousin is currently in transition. Female to male. I love the hell out of him.

 

i gotta tell you, for all the bitching i do in here about my transition, i feel better than i ever have in my life

 

That makes me so happy to hear!

 

I WORKED THERE they don’t

we have a trans person at my store and he is a good friend

 

As someone who want to transition but is constantly depressed about the whole process and its social consequences, this is inspiring to read. I'm so happy for you. You rock!

 

:)
i just passed two years on testosterone last week. for all of the bullshit, and there is A LOT of bullshit...i can't imagine not ever going through with it now.

 

shout out to @Gwen and @nohandstoholdonto for being brave and going first and taking journeys that helped me start my own

 

OMG you guys...now i'm crying for happy reasons.

Oh man I have to go see my cousin after work and hug him for like an hour.

 

Yeah it's a continuous journey. I spent so many years hiding that part of my identity by forcing myself to act "straight" and "cis", but it has always felt off and I'm never being taken seriously in my surrounding environments anyway. People will always find a way to judge you, so I'm done with the desperation to please others.

I think I'm really early in this journey, though it started more than a decade ago in my mind and Laura Jane Grace's coming out was a huge eye opener, because there are awful family issues that are preventing me from pursuing my transition at the rate I would like to. I hope I'll be able to handle the barriers thrown at me, though I have no idea how much of a different struggle the process is in my country compared to the US or the UK.

It feels cathartic to say all of this. My current social life is pretty much nonexistent so I'm grateful for having this discussion with all of you. This is one of the few remaining threads I feel safe posting on here. Thanks again.

 

This thread has always been a safe place for me, even back on AP.net. Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk. I don't personally know what you are going through, but I see what my cousin faces and I would give my life for that kid.

Same goes for anyone in here. I am always available to talk.

 

from what i can tell, transitioning is "easy" in certain parts of the USA - like i was over 18 living near san francisco so I went informed consent for hormones and it took a little less than 2 months from my initial call to my first shot (+ i haven't lived with my family in more than a decade so that kind of thing never entered into it). and then a fuck ton harder in others, say the deep south. the UK is a long, long wait bc of NHS and i think if you're NB you basically have to lie and say you're binary if you want hormones or surgery. france i'm really not sure. dunno if you have FB but there are a bunch of great support groups on there where you could probably find answers to questions you might have

 

That's reassuring. Yeah I started contacting LGBT groups and french trans people on twitter. I went to the one in my former college's town... and was surprisingly condescended because I apparently didn't use the "right" terms... by someone who isn't trans, which just made me get the fuck off that place forever. But then that person basically said that they couldn't do anything for me (welp??) and that I should contact a trans association from another town a bit farther, so at least I got something positive out of this weird experience.

 

that's...interesting

 

In retrospect it makes me laugh, but when I first arrived at that place, that person suggested that we talk about it in private -they have a "safe" room for that- yet when we were done with the discussion, we both went back to the main room with the bar, sofas, people (not this time but on usual hours) and everything else, and they immediatly dropped the ball by spilling out about my issues out loud to the barman... what's the point lol. Thankfully there weren't many people around besides a friend and a volunteer, otherwise I would have been so embarassed. No way I'm coming back.