Mental Health Thread • Page 227

I hate how insecure I am about my job. Like permanently anxious about getting randomly fired, even though my boss just spent the entire conference we were at talking me up to everyone we ran into (which is admittedly awesome, if a little awkward for me because I never feel I deserve praise from anyone). But I notice one meeting on their calendar that is private/vague and I get worried (not how I wanted to spend my long weekend).

A job I left nearly a decade ago has me like fucked up for good. I hate it.

 

Got paid and my paycheck is the lowest ever. The thing is I worked a "normal" work week. I think I've just been doing a little ot so it looked more even though its still nothing. My co worker and I got our OT "taken away" because they hired someone to fill in and instead of letting us know our manager just crossed our names out of the schedule for the days/hours we picked up. I'm really anxious waiting for the supposedly new job to call me back since I completed the pre employment physical and that (the info was faxed to them). I hate complaining and venting how horrible the company/management runs things. Honestly one of the worst company I've worked for

Edit: oh and our region office is cutting our hours for the weekday so my paycheck will be pretty much nothing. Let’s add more stress

 

I'm all moved into my dorm at school in Maine now and it's great but my OCD is ruining it by telling me something bad will happen. I don't even have any compulsions right now like I usually do, just this repetitive dread-inducing thought that something bad will happen in the future. It's awful. Still dealing with chronic pain too but other than that I'm happy. I'll try being more social with people on my floor when I'm feeling better. I'm actually kind of in shock still that this all worked out, I'm actually doing it, I got out of my hometown, and I'm living in a place I actually like (so far). Taking classes again should be nice too.

 

This is the worst I have ever felt and nothing ever gets better. I try so hard but no matter what I do, nothing ever changes and I just want to be done.

 

Every time something starts to look up, it looks back down Now I'm back to being stressed again. The job I was offered gave me "part time" when I said I need "full time" (didn't agree to part time), pay is better than current job (and same as the 1st place that never called me back when I followed up), but still not great. Ok, I'm trying to move and now I can't because I have to find another job now. My current job cut our hours and I don't have much OT anymore (a paycheck can't even make the cheapest of rent). This is horrible I don't know what to do

 

Found out my therapist did come back to work at my school so I can start seeing her again after two months of no therapy. I did pretty well on my own, but I'm starting to kind of lose it. I've found myself closer to getting a job and also closer to being street homeless again. There's like extreme highs and lows everyday in my life, its driving me nuts.

 

This is what my old job was like during the last year I was there. The last 2 weeks I was there, not one person spoke to me or came over to my desk...nothing.

Now I'm in a little office all alone and I love it. I have no one to ask if they want lunch or a coffee if I go to get such things.

 

I am unhappy and that makes me even unhappier smh

 

For so long I was such a doormat and allowed myself to be taken advantage of and treated poorly and never said a word. Now I am so fed up with it that I think I go too far to the opposite end of the spectrum and I lash out and then end up feeling guilty and hating myself. It's not that I regret standing up for myself but that it's coming across too rude and passive aggressive and that's not how I want to do it. I just haven't felt like myself for a long time.

 

I decided to come home from college for the weekend but now it's looking like it'll be longer because of my health + appointments (not more than two weeks though). I'm glad my classes are all online so it's not an issue. I have a new health issue I'd rather not talk about but it's causing me anxiety, and my old symptoms are still bad. The weird neurological symptoms are coming back. Last night I had blurry vision/pain in my eye, my foot went numb while I was walking, and I felt like there was a painful band around my finger and wrist - all within a few hours. Tonight it's my eyes again and a band-like feeling around my chest. It fucking sucks, and I feel like only one doctor took me seriously and he was just filling in for my regular doctor, and I'm so tempted to just go in this week and complain about my symptoms to someone but there's nothing they can do right away and I have an appointment in two weeks anyway.

It's just one fucking thing after another, and some things don't go away or get much better. On top of this, I'm getting manic and I'm worried I'll have a mixed episode. And I don't have a therapist right now. I do have a psychiatrist so I'm going to ask about a med adjustment because I'm on a low dose of a new drug. Ugh, school is actually the only good thing in my life right now even if it has been somewhat stressful. I wish I didn't have to come home this week but I don't have doctors there yet and it's easier to get the rest I need and take care of my health at home.

 

Mac Miller’s passing has me so fucked up. I can’t believe 26 years old and he’s gone like that. I’m only 26. I’m an addict. I’m lucky to be alive. Yet I feel like shit that I’m still thinking about using again when I get chance. It just hurts to live like this and it hurts even more to know someone I admired didn’t make it out. Most days I don’t think I’m gonna make it out either. But so far I’m back on the right path again. It’s just so hard :(

 

Hang in there man. Inbox always open of course. V happy you're on the right track.

 

I saw someone from high school at Starbucks today. They were one of the many people that stopped talking to me because I was dumb af when I was young. I’m so ashamed of myself for how I acted back then and it’s embarrassing. Idk if she knows I saw her, but I know she saw me. I was starting to think that I can go out in public now and not worry about what people think of me, that I can not always look around and see who’s watching me. I was wrong. If I didn’t absolutely need a job, I would never leave my apartment.

 

I keep having anxious dreams. They sometimes involve me screwing up at work whether that's my current job or one I had like six years ago, sometimes I have dreams I'm back with my abusive ex and even during the dream I'm anxious and horrified that we're together, or sometimes it's about not turning in assignments even tho I graduated years ago. Last night it was so bad like that adrenaline fear anxious feeling was so intense and strong it woke me up instantly. My doctor prescribed me v weak pills for my anxiety to take before bed cause she hoped it would be enough to at least help me sleep but they don't work. I just hate being so tired and anxious all the time.

 

I've been wanting to tell my friends how Not Good I've been lately but as per usual saying things feels impossible

 

I feel you, I always say fine or okay when someone asks how I'm doing because I very much don't want to be a bummer

 

My new therapist asked me when the last time I contemplated suicidewas and I had to lie.

 

receiving mental health treatment means constantly having to walk the line of being honest and not getting yourself involuntarily institutionalized, ive found.

 

I went to my gp recently to change the dosage of my meds and when we were talking about it he just bluntly asked "do you want to off yourself?"
thankfully for him I was in a good mood that day cause otherwise I would have started violently sobbing at that question

 

That’s a really unprofessional way to ask that.

 

Supposed new job is no more. They never got back to me on clarification of hours and working part time is out of the question. I chose that specific location because I was trying to move. Keep searching for jobs but nothing comes up that I can do, or if I can do it, it's immediate rejection

 

I’ve been feeling very low and depressed the last week with no energy/motivation to go to work, or do anything really. Decided to call in sick, but now I’m just feeling more guilty that I had to make up a lie and act/sound physically sick instead of being honest and upfront.

 

I’m so worthless I can’t even get a call center job

 

So, as some of you know, I used to be on Zoloft.

Thankfully, I haven't been on it since June. Once in a blue moon, i'll get a head zap. Just a random reminder that I'm a tad bit nuts.

Well, I finally figured out how to describe those head zaps to those who have never been on meds for depression. I played "HNSCC" by The 1975 and told her "this is what it feels like to have a head zap when detoxing off Zoloft."

Go listen to it and tell me I'm not kinda sorta right?!

 

First of all, you are not worthless.

Second, as someone who has worked in countless call centers, you're better off. Soul Sucking jobs that will turn you into a bitter human when you are 35.