Mental Health Thread • Page 226

I feel unsatisfied all the time.

 

I suppose I could but I hate the doctor and it cost. I honest think it’s due to stress of my job and I wanted to try to find a less stressful job first and if I didn’t feel better then I’d go

 

Oh yeah, my apologies; forgot it cost you. That adds on much more unnecessary stress, I guess.

Just make sure you're healthy. Even at the least. A good job will be a start though. I movies job because my previous one was so nerve-wracking and even the people sucked. The team in my new one are so easy to get along with and it doesn't matter what mood I'm in; I always have a laugh so maybe you're right; get a good job first but I think you're health should be joint top priority .

 

I hope this prospective job goes better. Even tho it’s only “temp” for me until I find something better. But who knows how long that will be. Won’t start til October. My current job night shift is ALWAYS late and management doesn’t do anything about it, they just brush it off and honestly it’s so inconsiderate for them to do that. Plus I feel like I’m doing most of the work (and they pay is min wage).

 

Nah, if they're taking the piss then I can understand why you hate it. I know it's hard, I do. Gotta make do with what you've got until you've got better. October is really only just over a month away.

 

Being only able to see your therapist one month later is tough. I mean, I know that I'll be able to handle all of the shit I'm going through, but it's so frustrating having to wait this long.

 

What do you mean? You don’t find it inconsiderate for someone to never be on time to their shift and management not caring? At my work you can’t leave until the next shift shows up, so which means me or one of my co workers when theyre working is staying late all the time... 15, 20, 30min, 2 hours waiting for them to show up.

 

Nah, that's not what I said at all. I said that if they are taking the piss with you then I can totally understand why you don't like your job. I never knew you had to stay until someone turned up so that just makes it worse!

You mentioned something about not starting until October?

 

bad brain day

 

Ah ok. I was really confused for a second. But yeah you’re not allowed to leave until your relief shows up. So it’s annoying to constantly go home late all the time. And how management doesn’t do anything about excessive tardiness.

And yeah I’m in the process of getting a new job. I have to get a pre employment physical and tb done then fill out paper work. Also to be nice to my current job I’d need to put in my two weeks, by the time The two weeks is up i leave for vacation so I’m going to start in October when I get back

 

Having a really hard time today/lately. Think I need to finally stop putting it off and see/talk to someone.

 

I started going to a therapist a few months ago. I got the first bill and it's over $800. I've been stressing about money lately and this has made it worse

 

Therapy bill is part of why I've been going so infrequently. And I have insurance. Mental health services can be so inaccessible.

 

Yeah I thought my insurance would cover more.

 

Thanks, this is definitely good advice and I'll try to remember it!! I am getting very excited and I hope I'll feel a little less anxious once I'm there and see it's not as scary as I made it out to be in my head. The mental health/chronic illness complicates things a bit but I know I can still do this.

 

I actually had a decent meeting with my therapist about not connecting or being close with others and I realized it's because I tend to withdraw and keep everyone at a distance to protect myself. Which somehow feels better than me being like inherently unlikable. But there's still that part of me that feels like there is something wrong with me.

Like my birthday. Almost everyone who confirmed they'd come to my birthday didn't. Some said they forgot and some just never gave me a reason. But when a friend from the same group had her birthday a few months before, none of them forgot. Everyone showed. When things like that happen it is hard not to take personally. Like every year my friends forget my birthday throughout various life stages with different friends. I'm sure they celebrate other birthdays it's just mine they forget. This isn't rly about my birthday lol but an example of how I just feel like something about me isn't memorable or important enough to remember idk idk. Idk if it's my middle child syndrome lol but I always just feel forgotten and second best

 

I've been at a conference since Sunday and I bounce between emotions so easily here. Traveling makes me anxious and I spend half my time feeling like a total imposter/fraud since I'm new to this industry and know so little compared to everyone else. Attended this one talk and everyone is knowledgeable in the field and while I can understand 70% of what they're talking about and try to hide in plain sight so they don't ask my opinion about anything. I just felt like I was breaking apart and then I went and hung out with a couple people there (mainly because my boss was going and invited me along and saying no might look bad) and felt better as they were aware of my knowledge and I didn't feel out of place with them.

I'm just all over the fucking place mentally. Just need to get through tomorrow (should be an easy day thankfully) and then I fly home Thursday and have four days off to recuperate.

I just wish I didn't feel like a fraud so often in this position.

 

Oh my god I have seriously never been more nervous about anything in my life as I am about leaving for school on Saturday but it's getting a little easier to manage. It's not full blown panic or anything, and my OCD symptoms are much less distressing now.

I saw some old high school friends on the street yesterday and I hadn't seen them in years. Things ended really badly, they essentially blamed me for being abused as a teenager, so it was pretty upsetting to see them. I had to come home and calm my anxiety down afterwards. It made me even more glad to be leaving though, since I'll have far fewer opportunities to run into them. I think this move will be good for my mental health after I adjust.

 

anhedonia is the worst

 

I relate to this 100%. It's really hard to tell if people actually care for you or if you're just friends because you have to and that you've known each others for so long. Do you feel like you're putting more effort in your friendships than you should? Just asking because this is a feeling that I have and that I think could be related to this situation as well.

I've never celebrated my birthday after the age of 10 as a fear of no one showing up... which might sound weird but this day brings nothing but stress for me. I's like our society puts too much pressure on it.

On the other hand, I've always dreamed of friends throwing a surprise birthday party for me. How contradictory. Obviously, it hasn't happened yet eh.

 

my ideal birthday is being left the fuck alone and doing whatever I want lol but there are other things my friends tend to not be there for. like okay the first time I got clean from heroin and I was open about being addicted, so so so many people reached out. when I relapsed for the first time still a lot of people reached out but noticeably fewer. this past time it was pretty much just my family and internet friends with one or two exceptions. I haven’t been any less open about it but it really shows you who really cares when shit gets hard. it’s easy to be there for someone when they first get clean. it’s much much harder to be there the third, fourth, fifth, etc. time. And I get it, it’s exhuasting for the people around me when I relapse. But it’s aboht a million times more exhausting for me. there’s only one person in my life who I feel like truly actually understands what I go through that hasn’t been there themselves and that’s my girlfriend. I know I’ve got my family to the extent they can be there for me but other than that who else is there?

 

Yeah I am always putting in like quadruple more effort. I do have a few friends who put in some effort now so that has helped me greatly but they're still busy with their own stuff a lot. Idk if people don't put in more effort because they don't feel connected with me because I withdraw and keep things close, or what. Idk. But even friends who I've opened up to and feel close to didn't come to my birthday. Which again isn't like a huge deal in itself I just thought I finally had a close group of friends who would go out of their way for me. or not even that, just like set aside some time for me. Idk. And I still consider them friends I guess I just start to self doubt

 

Also v fitting rn all my coworkers are discussing going out to lunch together and none of them invited me lmao. Which I totally don't mind at all but again there's that part of me that's like ok it's fine cause I don't rly wanna go but also why didn't I get an invite? Unless I put out vibes like I don't wanna be invited haha idek.

 

Feeling really down about chronic pain tonight. I've had so many fucking symptoms today and it's like, I should just be excited to go off to school but instead I have to worry about this!! The doctors I saw (god I have seen so many) are telling me it's probably just my Hashimoto's, but also I had a spot on my MRI and a lot of MS symptoms, and they're not doing an MRI of my spine until December although I might ask my doctor if I can get one sooner. I really just wish this wasn't happening right now.

 

I know the feeling. I feel like I’m not important enough for someone to remember something about me. I could know someone for YEARS and they always forget my bday or always ask when it is or just other things they never remember, yet they seem to remember stuff about everyone else