Mental Health Thread • Page 206

This is so real. Honestly a year ago I had a tight group of friends that was always together and I was so so happy and then everything went up in flames and that’s what I’m dealing with lately is tinehop showing me how insanely happy I was a year ago and looking back now and knowing it’s all going to come crashing down soon

 

The closest thing I've ever had to a close tight knit group of friends was my last job and I am honestly bitter af about how it all went down. Working environment was so awful we've pretty much all quit, and while I still talk to them it's not the same. We were all so close and supportive and all it took was for one or two new employees to come in and make the place so miserable that we all bailed. We still try to get together but I miss having an every day support system like that.

 

I'm so tired of having to remember who I am every day and why that matters. I can't go any single day without thinking about how horrible things have been for us and how nobody cares and I just keep seeing the same things being repeated and that being constantly met with silence or antagonisms.

 

I texted my psychologist asking if there was a way I could get help attending sessions without insurance, since I won't be covered until August. He offered a lower rate than normal, but it's still $80 which is a little tough to swing

 

okay so when my therapist and i were discussing my game plan for asking about my future at the dispensary, she wondered why I didn't want to ask about it, and my fear was basically "asking about it makes it real and also it could ruin everything" - you know like a vague "shit's going to go bad because that's what happens" kind of feeling. therapist is like no that's just your depression

lol today my boss is back after a week vacation and she just asked the other dude in the marketing department if he wanted to go to lunch with her and the two other women in the marketing department. right in front of me. without asking if i wanted to join. in fact said "okay we'll be back"

so yeah, everything IS ruined, because i don't feel like i belong here anymore, and now this place feels almost as shitty as the last company except i get paid half as much for less than half the hours

edit: gina thinks it's because she knows i go home for lunch, but come on, basic etiquette dictates an invitation

 

on the fence about making an appt. I feel like I've been in a rough place for the last couple weeks but idk if I will get $80 worth of better in an hour

 

i understand this feeling so damn well, bleh

 

I’d settle with being just a part of a daily group chat lol

 

moved up my therapy appointment from wednesday to tomorrow. i'm struggling too much with these waves of depression over this job bullshit.

 

soooo I'm 27 and I don't have my driver's license. I have one other friend (who is also my roommate) who also doesn't, she told me tonight that she's gonna do driving school next month to finally get her's and that I should do it with her
and logically yes I should do it with her because it'll be more bearable with someone I know, and doing classes makes your insurance way cheaper
but thinking about it is giving me maaaad anxiety. pretty much anything involving the possibility of failure does.

 

Technically you don't need to take the classes before signing up for a driving test to get your license. You could study / research online instead. Granted I don't know how easy it would be to learn online instead of is the classes, but there are options outside of the classes of you wanted to look into those.

 

yeah I know I don't have to but it makes more sense to do it than to not

 

if you don't try failure is a guarantee and if you do try success is a possibility, driving is understandably scary good luck

 

I’ve basically lost two groups of friends in the past year, shit sucks. It took me a long time to accept it and move on, like I still have my closest friends but I really do miss just going out and hanging with a group.

 

I failed my drivers test twice. Maaaybe 3 times I don't remember but definitely at least twice. The second time I failed literally less than a minute after the test started. So. It was super disheartening because I thought of all the awful drivers who do past the test, but if you're scared of failure I'd def take the classes. I failed cause I wasn't ready/experienced enough and all my friends who took the classes were way more at ease cause they had more experience driving and driving with a stranger/someone they were less comfortable with which was a big advantage.

 

Sorry to hear things aren't improving there. But Gina could be right. I literally always brought my own lunch to work at my last place and they learned I had little interest in eating out so an invite was rare. (or your boss is an asshole...)

 

No failure in life, just lessons.

 

I feel terrible because I ditched a friend. She has a work training out of town this week and wanted me to go and watch her kid during the day while she did work stuff and was gonna pay me. I'm usually extremely reliable but I realized I'd be missing a guitar lesson (this is what I get for not putting it in my calendar!!!!) And I can't reschedule them and don't get a make up one and I already paid for the entire course. It's my only form of self care lately and I only have a few sessions left and then have to wait until fall for more. And I kinda need it cause I've been super depressed which people implied I wouldn't be after I got a job offer and I told them all I still would be!!!! I think with my mental state and then missing my lesson and then watching a high needs kid for like 3 days I just wouldn't be well. But I feel terrible. Idk.

 

I think you did the right thing for you. It's important not to miss out on things that make you feel good when you have stressful things you're dealing with emotionally. Plus 3 days is a lot of time to shoulder that responsibility. She'll probably figure it out, anyway

 

I had a rough couple hours earlier just going through things in my mind but I feel better now and I'm hoping it was a catharsis

 

Yeah I mean I did warn her last night to have a backup plan while I thought about the guitar lesson thing. But I've been sooooo anxious lately that cancelling on someone is only adding to that anxiety and I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown idek.

 

Should be feeling happy (or happier) and all I feel is miserable. Fuck my brain.

 

Oh nvm it's back with a vengeance

 

oh yes, there is a freak out coming.

 

That friend I ditched never responded to my text so I'm convinced she hates me