Mental Health Thread • Page 204

Lash out months later over something completely unrelated, I would never

 

I bottle and bottle feelings until I am on the verge of a breakdown. I used to let things go a lot because I always thought if something terrible happens and this is our last interaction, how would I feel? In the big picture does this matter? So I'd let things go, but then I got taken advantage of a lot and I ended up rly bitter and resentful over that and now I'm an uptight mess on the opposite side of the spectrum as a result lol. I need to lead a healthy middle!

 

I feel like i need to go to the doctor but can’t becsuse my company canceled my insurance for no reason. So I’m waiting for a response when I told them they need to fix it. As I kept looking through my email, junk mail, I found a personalized rejection email from mid April for a hospital position I applied to. It wasn’t a generic automated reponse I usually get, it was addressed with my name, came from a recruit that works for the hospital. Some jobs I still haven’t heard anything back yet. I need to quit my line of work/company and do something different. I’m really stressed out and getting sick like every other week again. I can’t even take a minute to sit down and eat until 6 hours into my shift. That’s not right.

 

The lead singer from Frightened Rabbit is missing and he fights the same fights we all do and it's scary and sad

I ask myself, do I really want to die? or do I just want the bad feelings to stop? and it's always the latter. Always the latter.

 

I know that feeling. I found out too early on that instead of death I could just use drugs to achieve the same result.

 

I like drugs because they let me be do a balancing act between dying and just being fucked up without really giving a shit what happens. Like I should really throw away this perc my dealer gave me because if I take it with an SSRI I could really push the envelope, but I look at is as a last resort kind of thing. Thats really fucked up, I know.

 

One of the jobs I applied to called my reference and my reference said she thinks it went pretty well!! Apparently they said I was a breath of fresh air in the interview, but that they were worried they might break my spirit and I just wanna be like oh sis that ship sailed looooong ago

 

That has me really down right now. I really connect with their music.

 

I need to start posting in this thread more.

I need some kind of outlet. I wrote a lot years ago, but my mental state has gotten to me overthinking everything and now I’m not happy with anything I write.

 

I get so fucking in my head about this dumb fucking website. I feel like everyone's out to get me and no one gives a shit about me which is just demonstrably untrue as shown by the amount of support I get here and from people reaching out privately, which makes me feel amazing, but I still just get an awful feeling when I come here sometimes. Like I'm really sick of how much negativity this is bringing into my life. Fighting with people over nothing, feeling completely invalidated and ignored, getting stepped all over and having very serious issues brushed aside by supposed allies. It's too much sometimes and I need a break before I'm pushed to another relapse. I shouldn't let a fucking forum have that much power over my mental health but I'm weak

 

This is such a bummer to hear. I’m sorry you feel that way and have had those experiences. I’ve been here since 2007 and I know which users and threads to avoid. However, the good outweighs the bad for me.
If you think it’ll push you to another relapse, then take a break. We all have different mental tolerance levels for everything. We won’t judge you for that.
Just know we’re here for you and are on your side, even if it doesn’t seem like it :)

 

Being so honest about where you're at emotionally is brave and essential. A break from this site would be really helpful for you right now, just remember that I am here for you any time and you have more support than you think! You're awesome. Look after yourself Jake

 

I think you're strong as fuck @sophos34.

 

Nooo I'm doing that thing where I take something positive and nitpick it to death until it's negative and anxiety inducing no brain nooooo

 

It's been more difficult than usual the past few days. My holiday to California fell through, I got attacked by a security member at a venue, and yesterday I saw a man and his young (maybe 8ish years old) boy get run over by their own car. I'm also worrying a lot about money and it's making me really snappy and I don't think I'm very nice to be around lately.

Has meditation worked for anyone here?

 

Sorry to hear so much stuff has happened all at once man, they all sound like things I personally would find very difficult to deal with. I just wanted to reply and share my thoughts about meditation - I have been using a guided meditation app called Headspace for over 2 months now and the difference has been incredible. I've been taking 10mins 2 or 3 times a day since I started and I genuinely feel I will be doing so for years to come. It is brilliant for it's primary goal, which is to learn how to observe and understand your thoughts and not get lost in them, but also by using the special sleep meditation before bed I have never slept better in all my life.

I began using it because I was a horrible person to be around, and my work colleagues would literally detest having to work with me, and I just wanted to try something that would help me stop projecting such negativity all the time and I feel like it is working. The one kicker as far as Headspace goes is that once you have finished the free content it costs for a subscription, but for me the free content was so helpful signing up was a no-brainer. Basically, I would really recommend it! To anyone! I wanted to post about it ITT sooner but I only really keep to a handful of threads these days and forgot to.

 

I need new glasses. But every time I try on a pair I feel like I look ugly. I already have self esteem issues and don’t see myself the least bit attractive. I see frames I like, but they don’t look good on me. I feel like I have odd facial features that makes it impossible for glasses to look good

Edit: update about my benefit issue. They fixed it and said I was dropped from my coverage due to a “technical issue” -.- idk what type of issues they have but this shouldn’t be happening and never heard it happening for other companies. They really need to get their sh*t together bc they also f up people’s paychecks

 

Got rejected for a job today. I still am in the running for the one that just called my reference, but yeah. This sucks. I was kinda hesitant on the job cause it involved being on call some weekends and would require me to see my old boss sometimes which I wasn't thrilled about, but still. I need something. Also it took 4 weeks for a rejection which also sucks. If I lose out on this other job I'm just back at square one. I'm having a harder time finding a job when I have experience now than when I didnt. I wonder if I'm shooting too high idek.

 

i don't know how i managed to pick the right therapist but holy hell i really might be dead by now if not for her.

we talked about my future with the dispensary today, and how the company and the people there have given me all this information, and i need to decide what to do with it. how every relationship you have, whether it's with your romantic partner or a clerk at a grocery store, the people in the relationship with you are giving you information.

she thinks i might've gotten got, with the "promise" of a full time position - because i didn't put that idea in my head. i contacted them about an internship only. they put that idea in my head. as a carrot. but now i have this information, and i can figure things out.

 

LOL JK I JUST GOT A JOB OFFER

 

they knew about Xtina and the universe wants you to lose your shit to Fighter

 

I knooooow!! It's faaaate. And now I totally wanna get an American express card just for her presale but I'm also gonna have to finance a car soon and the adult in me is like... are doing those things close together good for my credit??

 

Getting my AmEx did wonders for my credit ngl

 

Good to know! Do u mind me asking which one u have? They have so many! I'm just nervous about two inquiries rly close together but idk how these things work.

 

I’ve had the Delta SkyMiles one for four years. I love it. When a mechanic broke something while fixing something else, they threatened to take them to court for me because I’d used their card to pay for it.

I’ve also gotten in to a Taylor and two Beyoncé preses.