Mental Health Thread • Page 199

Damn. Sorry to hear that. I feel ya on the job front at times, too. Have you broached the subject with your boyfriend?

 

Today was eye opening in a frustrating but nice way. I encountered my old boss and she could have chosen to be the bigger person and start things on a good note, but instead she chose to come in guns blazing from a place of negativity and make things needlessly hostile. It was nice because I realized that's the way she's choosing to live her life and it has nothing to do with me. That's how she is and I think it's sad. Its frustrating because I feel like she faces few consequences for her behavior but at the end of the day I would be miserable living like that and I'm going to make the conscious choice not to.

 

Lol @ me posting a positive comment above and then not being able to sleep cause my anxiety is thru the roof. I'm supposed to be at peace!!!

But the thing with my ex is stressing me out. He basically tried to ruin my life. I can't even write out everything he did because it sounds like a dramatic novela or something. But I never said a word to anyone irl. I never even smeared his name. I dealt with it silently and alone. The least he could do is leave me alone and he can't even do that. I don't even feel safe walking around town. Half the time when I do now I wear a hat or a hood just in case. And it really sucks that it's been like 6 years and he can still control my life like that. I have to wake up rly early to take my grandpa to the hospital but I'm just stressing instead of sleeping. I am so tired I got a migraine but when I try to sleep noooo too much to ask lol

 

I understand this much too well. I'm not sure how I can help but I'm here if you want someone to talk to

 

I have an application out to be a store manager at Lush which I think would be so much more fun and edifying than doing data entry in an office all day. I talked with my boyfriend, and basically just told him it's super uncool to go from feeling isolated and pointless at work to coming home and having him be too busy all the time. There are some other underlying issues w how he handles stress and workload. I'm not trying to be needy, it's just that our office is so quiet and no one talks to me all day, my boss is only in for the last hour of my shift and doesn't care what I do or if I'm doing a good job, I need someone to notice that I'm trying lol.

 

That is understandable. I couldn’t imagine going a work day not talking or interacting with anyone. Was your boyfriend receptive to your talk? Does he tend to shut down during stressful periods? That’s 100% what I do and I don’t know how to break that habit.

 

So far, I think Wellbutrin has really been helping me out. I feel more focused and I shrug things off with a little more ease whereas before I'd kind of just let them consume me. Hope this keeps up!

 

I keep listening to Sia "Chandelier" today and it's hitting home. I passed 600 days sober from alcohol last week, and some days the cravings are still there, but I will not go back to zero. I will not go back to "here comes the shame" or "throw em back til I lose count"

Thing is, I never lost count. I knew how many beers were left, how many I'd need to get through the night. If I'd need to risk other people's lives by driving to get more. And if I was ever swinging from a chandelier, it was to break that fucker off the ceiling in a fit of unpredictable alcoholic rage. Tomorrow didn't fucking exist, nothing else mattered. This was my prison. I look at the bottles now and I see bars. I spent so much time holding on for dear life instead of LIVING.

Fuck man, what else is there to say?

 

Proud of your sobriety!

 

i only lurk in this thread, but ironically enough i had a very similar experience at work today.

it was literally 8:04 am and a co-worker that i always get along with came in and asked some question / mumbled something and i asked a followup question and she went OFF. like, almost to the point of screaming. once she finally left (about 5 mins later, yelling almost the whole damn time about this and that) some of my co-workers were like, "daaaaaaamn, what's up with her" / "how the hell did you not blow up at her?" and i was like, "idk. what good would that have done?" i feel like those things only make things worse and i knew she wasn't pissed at me because, well, it was 8:04 am and i hadn't talked to her at all yet that day so i knew her hostility was either from something else, or just her personality, so why let it get to me.

it's wonderful to be able to let those moments go without making a scene.

 

I'm drunk and feel like I'm not really here

 

I don’t like it when people tell me I should go back to school and right now is a good time because my dad can support me (eye roll). For one, no my dad won’t support me and I’m only at home because i didn’t have any money to live on my own at the time and right when I was looking into budgeting for an apt, my location loses their clients and we all either had to get transferred or resigned. As I stated before the transfer had a significant pay decrease. My income right now I can barely afford to pay my expenses. What they don’t understand is going back to school would also mean having to work part time then I won’t have insurance. Plus I can’t afford school, part time work and bills.

 

My interview today had a written component and I'm beating myself up on what I should have written. This is torturous. I hate everything. Also I referenced mike birbiglia and being an on time person. 100% nobody got it. I wish I could take a deep breath and calm my brain. But no that'd be too easy and healthy!

 

I GET IT

i'm sorry i didn't interview you for this job

 

I'm gonna whine about this again and I know I'm qualified and employable and lucky in that sense but it rly sucks that certain dates are approaching where I hoped I'd have a job by now. Like a while back I put a few groceries on my cc thinking I'd hopefully have a job by the time I had to pay it off, but that date is approaching soon. And I rescheduled a hair appt due to lack of finances hoping by the time the rescheduled one came up I'd have a job to pay for the haircut but that appt is next week and still nothing. Sigh.

I know comparatively it rly hasn't been that long, but I'm already jaded by the whole process. This is what I get for leaving a job because of MORALS and PRINCIPLES what are those anyway??? Pssssh

 

As the day of my move closes in, the more lonely I've been feeling, especially as I've been packing and downsizing on shit. I dunno. I normally just sort of am used to not really having too many people to talk to at any given moment, but there's times where it just hits me hard. I guess it's triggered when my anxiety is really high. Bleh.

 

Finally got another interview, at Chipotle essentially doing the same exact thing as my last job, but it pays better so there's that

 

Psst I tried to PM you to see how you've been but it won't let me message you!! Hope all is well

 

IDK why Chorus does that! :( you can click on the speech bubbles next to your username, then click send new message, then type the username of the person & it should work (unless they have PMs closed). sorry! https://forum.chorus.fm/inbox/add

thanks so much by the way this means a lot :)

 

Lately I've been overthinking a lot when I try to sleep so apparently I've decided it's best to stay awake and not sleep. I definitely can't foresee any negative consequences from this.

 

I've been in a deep depression lately and it's becoming intolerable. I can't see a way out and I've spent most of the last few days in bed. I've barely been able to do anything, either stuff I want to do or what I need to do. Everything feels fucking pointless and I can't bear the thought of being alive. My community college course is going nowhere and I feel so far removed from everything I don't even feel human. I don't know whether I want to continue this awful imitation of a life. I'm fucking broken in so many ways and I just don't know what to do to make it stop.

 

I feel so depressed when I wake up in the morning, it's incredibly hard to get out of bed.

 

I feel that. Got hugs if you need them.

 

I feel this 100%. If you want to commiserate my inbox is open. Otherwise there are lots of people on here that are good at cheering people up we’re here for you

 

I finally found a dentist who accepts my insurance after calling like 20. My appt isn't until June but I'm already freaking out. I'm terrified of going to the dentist. Absolutely hate it. I haven't been in over 10 years though so I really, really need to suck it up and go. Especially bc I know my wisdom teeth are gonna need pulled (which makes me even more anxious!) and I want to do it now while I still have dental insurance. Next step is to keep calling family doctors so I can hopefully go on some meds for anxiety/depression. Just having a hell of a time finding anyone who actually takes my insurance. I tried all the ones recommended to me but none of them take it so now I'm gonna have to pick a random dr and hope for the best.