Mental Health Thread • Page 193

I told some people that too and ended up dropping two classes this semester. There's a chance I failed some classes and might fail another one. My schooling is such a mess right now.

 

has anyone figured out a way to stop comparing yourself to others? if so plz send tips

 

also I saw the title of an article in some magazine yesterday that was something to the effect of "the mental health crisis is being exaggerated by youth and media" and it pissed me off so much
I bet whoever wrote it is like a 50+ year old rich white person

 

I'm at a week now without any sort of "depressive episode". Two days and it'll be a week without an anxiety attack.

 

I'm pretty much waking up deeply depressed every morning and having to work through my feelings all day

 

Tbh i realized that most people are kind of miserable too but only show the great parts. I was comparing myself to only someone's highlight reel and not the whole picture. I was really bad in college cause I graduated a little later. people would ask me if I was graduating that year and I felt embarrassed to say no. I had a teacher who used to say "don't apologize for how long it takes you to move through the world" and that kinda helped. There's pressure for this specific timeline of life and it's just not realistic for most ppl I think, and I think most people would be happier if they went at their own pace that felt comfortable and right.

 

Try to remind yourself that you are the one doing the comparing not them

 

it's so distancing being depressed, you know? It's like impossible for me to connect with people ESPECIALLY new people because so few people understand the reality of my life right now/how it's been for the past year.
I know this is stupid but this guy from tinder/facebook started talking to me and literally stopped responding when it was 11am on a saturday and I said I was just getting up. Like 1) sleep is amazing so bite me but 2) 11 is actually fairly early for me to get up, and I'm at a stage in my life where not getting out of bed all day is very real because of my depression.
Like I know screw him and all of that but it's just stuff like that that really sucks. People don't understand.

like nowadays people (Especially online) are so open about mental illness and everyone jokes that this generation is so depressed etc but I think when it comes down to the actual reality of mental illness and how they manifest, most people don't understand and don't try to.

I just feel like it's so isolating because people are like "so what have you been up to?!" and you're like...literally..nothing.. at all....

 

I feel this so hard

 

I recently tried explaining depression to my mom and it kinda blew my mind how much she didn't get it. I guess cause it's so intertwined with me as a person now it just is what it is. I worked with a lot of clients with mental illness at my last job and even a lot of my coworkers didn't get it which is awful. There's that attitude of "just get up and change your life if it's so miserable! Go exercise! Do something to change it!!" And they do not get how it's so difficult to even get out of bed. I force myself to do things with friends and family and stuff but often feel miserable and not engaged at all during.

 

I don't typically struggle with depression, mostly just anxiety. But right now I'm in a pretty low place circumstancially and the sad thoughts are constant. I wake up miserable and it takes a few hours to get to a place where I can ignore it enough to do things.

On the plus side, I'm pretty hopeful that I'll get hired this week

 

I've been back in a pretty hard place this past week or so. I'm nearing the end of my lease, and it's that time to decide what I'm doing for next year, but I'm not sure I'm on board with renewing our apartment lease like my other two roommates are. I'm in a weird situation where I would like to remain friends with them, but since we all moved in together their personalities have changed to become people that I don't want to live with anymore. It's gotten to the point where I'm just anxious to be in the apartment; if they're home, I'm alone in my room and if they're not home, I feel tense and dread whenever they eventually get home. This all has sent me spiraling back into a pretty bad episode of feeling anxious and depressed all the time. It's been a while since I've had one of these too, this past year had been a big improvement, so that makes me feel even more down on myself.

 

I don't really know how or why I've fallen into the place I'm in now. I want to quit my job and never leave my bedroom. I've been forcing myself to get out of my apartment when I'm not working to try and keep from just hibernating, but that's just made it so now I don't want to be left alone. When no one is available to hang out, I just sit and sulk. I feel like I'm regressing so much, given how far I felt like I'd come in the last 4.5 years. Now it's just been a series of backward steps undoing all I've done right in that time frame. Health insurance can't start until at least May, but I have to be dropped off of my ex's insurance first, which means she has to file paper work that needs to be approved, executed and then I'll be dropped. Then I can start the search for a therapist. I feel absolutely numb and needy and a burden all at the same time. I want people to check in but get annoyed when they do. I don't want to die, but I don't want to exist. It is the first time I've had that feeling in years and that is terrifying. I've walled myself off emotionally and I'm slipping hard.

 

I feel you cause I am def feeling like u are in the spoiler cut. But I don't think you're taking steps back! Mental health is an ongoing process and will look different for u all thru ur life. It sounds like ur at a point where ur mental health needs some maintenance as it will occasionally, but it looks like ur vigilant about where u are and u are gonna start the search for a therapist which are all huge things and shows that you have better coping skills than u give credit for. Sucky things are always gonna happen and mental health is gonna ebb and flow but it looks like you're doing your best! Don't be too hard on yourself!

 

Seeing a psychiatrist in a week. Planning to try Xanax again since I didn't feel any effect when I took it years ago and want to try Adderall since I'm having such a tough time in school.

 

I have a job interview next week and I'm nervous. Not for the interview so much as if I got the job I'd be interacting with my old boss occasionally and things did not end on good terms. It wouldn't stop me from accepting the job if it was offered to me, but it's not ideal for a clean break and it would be awkward and unpleasant. Even tho I could have a moment like

 

so when I originally got put in the system the first therapy appt was may 20something. But then there was a cancellation the week before last that I got to take, and there was another cancellation today that I got to take, and while there I got to make ANOTHER appointment for monday. I'm really surprised that I am able to get so many when originally they said appointments are months out but I guess I got put in high priority for cancellations so that's cool. I'm optimistic on the idea of a therapist and I still haven't been in to see the psychiatrist and get evaluated so, idk. it's a start.

also my ex/roommate moves out tomorrow and suffice to say I'm having a difficult time with it

 

Super stressed right now. Paralyzed by indecision. I can't afford anything in the area of the potential new job, without sacrificing a lot. Like I can get something but it almost feels like a step back. Have the interview with the position elsewhere that would be more affordable, but just barely.

I just hate myself and honestly don't know what to do. I've been thinking about this for so long and still have no answer. Just feel like I'm coming apart. (and feel stupid I'm having this issue at all)

 

Today I had something that is supposed to be self care/improvement and I didn't wanna go at all. I was sitting in my apt talking to myself saying "I don't wanna go!" Over and over Like a whiny toddler. I still went. I always go and do things but that blah depression feeling the entire time is miserable. I have my therapy appt tomorrow. I need to stress these feelings because I think she has decided I mostly have anxiety issues but those are the least of my concern. I feel like I have to scream at people IT IS ALL A GUISE I PROMISE I TRULY AM MISERABLE. I should be honest but at the same time I feel like a therapist should kinda detect my bs

 

After my meltdown a couple weeks ago, I’ve slowly started to take proactive steps and piece myself back together. So far I’ve gone to see the psychologist this past Monday and she prescribed me 80 mg instead of 60 for Prozac. Called to set up appt with therapist for next Wednesday. Opened up to my mom about what’s really been going on/how I’ve really been doing. But I’m still having trouble keeping it together, especially when it comes to school. I just fell so behind the last 3 weeks that it seems impossible to even bring myself to go to class anymore, like I’ve got no motivation to even try and finish as best as possible, which sucks cause I was really liking my classes, teachers, and classmates this semester and I feel that I’ve done a complete 180.

 

It's an awful feeling, feeling like I'm taking life day to day. I feel like every day is a struggle to get through each day. Most people are fighting towards something, and looking forward, whereas I feel like I'm just trying to get through each day, and consider it a victory that day over day I'm able to fight my demons and get to tomorrow. I just wish it didn't have to be that way. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this way I feel; we're in this together.

 

I’m applying for a night job at 7-11. My student teaching ends at the end of the month and I’ll have my subbing job back there right away. I need income or I will be in more debt than I am in now. I’ll lose my phone, car, health insurance, and everything else. Leaving my school job and going to the 7-11 job would destroy me physically and mentally, but I would find a way to cope if it means surviving.

 

Today I had my therapy appt and I was telling her how I have been feeling and at the end she's like "okay well I think it's good you come to these sessions cause it gets you out of the house but you don't seem to really need them so let's meet up in 3 weeks" and gradually my eyes started welling up and she asked what was wrong and I just started crying. At the time I didn't know why but I think it's because I was like really you're STILL not seeing the signs?? And my brain was like "red alert you cannot manage 3 weeks" and it was terrible but she finally took me seriously

 

Fuck that. Mine always says, “When would you like to come back?” She says it’s up to the client and she is there for them, not the other way around.

 

Yeah idk I'm trying to keep going because I know two people who have seen her and sing super high praises. Maybe I just hide things better than I think? I will feel like I'm showing signs for help but nobody ever seems to notice so apparently my emotions were like screw that notice meeeeeee. She seems to think I have good coping skills because I am handling things and I'm like yeah well I have to but that doesn't mean I'm okay at all. I dunno. She moved my next appt closer and got more down to business so hopefully it'll help. We just don't have a lot of mental health resources here to see someone else. I already drive 30 minutes out of town to see her. Seeing anybody better would be like 1 hour outta town and I don't have a car.