Mental Health Thread • Page 192

ugh I know this feeling too well. I find setting really small goals for each day can sometimes help me crawl out of the hole. starting with small stuff like "today I will shower" "today I will eat at least 2 things that are good for me" then working my way back up to being a functioning human being. hope you can unslump yourself soon

 

Thank you. All of my normal techniques for getting myself out of slumps have failed. I've forced myself to work but I've been an awful employee this week and I'm dreading working an event tomorrow. And going back home this weekend for Easter. Brains are fucking stupid.

 

Mike, i'll tell you exactly what you told me a few months ago. You ARE NOT what your mind tells you that you are. Love you brother.

 

Fuck. I hate this feeling. Someone in this thread said it earlier I think but it’s something I heard recently and am trying to use to reevaluate how I classify friendships. You say this is your BFF but are they really being a good friend to you? Sounds like you’re being an awesome friend and don’t deserve this. You took the first step by no longer initiating. Let them lose out.

 

I call them my bff pretty much by virtue of it being my longest friendship and we were best friends like middle school and hs, but even back then I still had that feeling, tho not as bad. Now that we kinda have our own separate lives we rarely see each other. Bums me out because when we do hang out it's like we haven't missed a day, but that rarely happens now. When she does initiate like today it happens so quickly I think she's just bored in that moment and figures im free, rather than her actually thinking of me because she wants to see me and put aside that time. Luckily I have other friends now so I'm not like dependent on her to socialize like I used to be, but I am always sad that she doesn't seem to value the friendship much.

 

With how things have been going lately, I really struggle to do anything for the first few hours of the day. I have to force myself to get out of the house (work out, go to a coffee shop to get some job applications done, etc) or else I just sit watching Netflix and breaking down anytime I think about stuff

 

I am unemployed and have no car. How the mighty have fallen lol. I was borrowing my grandpa's car while he was in the hospital but I had to give it back so it's only dawned on me now how stuck I am. The gym isn't walking distance so that outlet is gone. Can't get groceries unless I bum a ride. I decided to continue my guitar lessons and I'm cringing at the money I paid for them. Taking a gamble by paying for them and hoping I can have that outlet until I get a job.

 

Feels awkward as I see everyone in this thread to have the worst of my problems (currently) be that I'm wrestling with what to do about a job offer that would drastically change my life and I have no idea if it's the right move because it's to one of the most fucking expensive places in the country. I've been looking for some long that now that something's in my lap I'm paralyzed by indecision. Granted, I mostly just compartmentalize my depression and whatever else until it breaks the hinges every so often and I mentally collapse inward while I plaster an empty smile on my face and go about my day.

I... don't really know what I'm trying to get at, just that I wish I could somehow help everyone struggling in this thread one way or other and really wish the best for all of you and I'm always here to at least listen, for as much as that's worth.

 

Make a pro/con list and post it here so we can decide ur fate

 

Lol, I suppose I can do that.

 

Pro and con lists are usually helpful

 

True.

Here's my potentially confusing pros/cons list of taking this new job in the Bay Area:

Pros:
-New experience
-New climate! (basically lived in AZ my entire life)
-New job with a chill boss
-closer-ish to some family
-not too close I have to deal with them too often
-vastly improved pay
-don’t need a car anymore w/actual public transportation there (though I want to keep it for weekend use)
-escaping a fairly toxic company environment (though I like my new boss of 2 weeks, lol)

Cons:
-Affording a decent apartment is unlikely (least at my salary – this is my main issue)
-Actually finding a place when out of town is difficult
-might have to do a roommate (don’t want to)
-don’t really know anyone close by
-change is fucking scary
-my anxiety might keep me from doing anything and will end up living like I do now (work, home, occasional quick trips out to stores)

 

Your decent apartment con is legit but the other ones seem like fear which you're definitely strong enough to overcome! Whatever choice u make it will be ok and it will work out, just make sure that it's not a decision made out of fear or anxiety because those are the decisions u will regret and resent. Handy advice for me has always been that if u were to flip a coin and would prefer it to go on a certain side, that's what u should do!

 

Thanks for looking at it! Appreciate the input, and I totally do that coin flip thing.

I've basically concluded that if I feel I can find something I'm comfortable living in, I'll do it.

 

Sometimes i get dark and wonder if this period of my life is the "warning sign." I wouldn't say I'm suicidal but idk. I recently read an article on someone who committed suicide and her loved ones discussed the time leading up to it and it was chilling. I feel like even my counselor isn't seeing some signs of struggling. She thinks I'm coping well and is spacing our appts out further. But for me it's like ok I do what I need to do because my fear of failing and derailing my life I guess overpowers most things, but it doesn't mean I am actually handling things well internally or coping at all. I've even opened up to my sister which I usually never open up about my mental health stuff, and I'm wondering if that's a positive sign that I can be more open or a cry for help that I'm not totally aware of. I feel like people are praising me for finding positive outlets and how great that is, but it's more like me desperately trying to dig myself out and not rly a sign I'm doing great. If anything its the opposite.

 

Sorry. I was here a little over a year ago - not suicidal but not having good thoughts. Made the conscious decision to enter therapy. When you say counselor do you mean therapist? Sorry if I don’t know the lingo. Anyway those one on one sessions I didn’t love but they led to couples therapy which was more of a group thing for 10 weeks. That was great because it gave us a date night once a week. That really helped. I still have bad days and weeks but it is better and does and will get better. Changes outside you comfort zone may help - but I’m no therapist

 

yeah I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks. I think everyone believes that once I start working again I'll be fine and I feel like nobody hears me when I say that's not the case. I sought therapy months before I even left my job. idk I'm starting to wonder if my therapist is challenging me in the right way. I think I could be more specific and honest with her about how I'm feeling, but at the same time I think I need someone who draws it out of me. It's always gonna be my instinct to smooth things over and downplay my feelings, and sometimes I need some gentle prodding which I don't think she's rly doing. Options are so limited where I live, so I'm gonna stick it out for a while.

Glad you've been doing well bb!

 

So funny - I felt the SAME way in my sessions! I felt like I had nothing to complain about in the session but then later that afternoon I would be miserable again and then id be pissed that they didn't get that feeling out of me at the time. My catalyst was a huge blow up fight with my wife and I called my medical care provider's emergency mental health line and that REALLY helped. I was so raw and honest and open - I wish ever session was like that. That phone call had me setting up my appointments which weren't as good as that call but it's good to know that line exists.

 

I think I've started to accept things and let go of most of the hope I had that things were just temporary. I'm still very sad but I know this is what I have to do

 

Today my little sister brought up how me and my older sister have called her bipolar in a flippant way you know how people do. And I was like uhh i dont think I'd use bipolar in the way are you sure ur not confusing me with our sister? my older sister said it was probably her and she apologized. But now I'm sitting here hours later thinking I was dismissive. I hate when my mom denies saying stuff to me that I know she said. If my lil sister said I said it, I probably did. Like at least my other sister owned and apologized and I was just like nope didn't say it!! Ugh. Not only does that make me a jerk but it makes me similar to my mother.

 

Update: I text an apology which I guess is growth because I am awful at apologizing for certain things. Lately I've needed to reevaluate my constant need to be right even at the expense of others. I can be sanctimonious and it's not a good quality. I wouldn't normally describe myself as stubborn but lately I've had to confront the fact that I can be and it's unpleasant to be around. I'm pretty self aware of my faults but for some reason that's a hard one for me to own up to.

 

I'm tired of waking up at 4 am to be sad until it's time to get up. Honestly wonder how that happens. I usually don't have trouble getting to sleep but somehow I'm waking up in the middle of the night thinking.

I know sadness over a breakup is pretty small realistically compared to what others are going through but it really feels so painful. I feel lost and isolated and dependent. It's hard to think of anything else.

 

Hey buddy, never downplay your pain and depression! Going through a breakup can absolutely consume someone, and has consumed me in the past. Everyone deals with things differently so don't make it seem like your pain isn't justified, it absolutely is. Love you buddy

 

I told too many people that I’m graduating in May I don’t know how to break the news that I failed again

 

I'm feeling really weird and idk if its the meds. My doctor warned me about prozac putting me into hypermanic state if I'm bipolar, and I think I feel that happening. I can't see her until the 12th either and my therapist is out this coming week. My feelings are so crazy right now, I hate it.