Mental Health Thread • Page 190

I do and I HATE it. It happens to my sister too who is on Lexapro and Wellbutrin.

 

it's the weirdest thing. i've been on 300 mg/day of wellbutrin for like, 7 years now, and only in the last 6 months have i gotten night sweats.

 

“Having money isn’t everything, not having it is.” Money not buying happiness is true but so much of life is tied to income it’s crazy.

 

I’m worried that I don’t know how to actually change/better myself. I keep falling back into the same bad habits
also I want to tell my friends that I’ve been feeling depressed but they have so much of their own shit going on it feels weird...also I don’t know how to bring it up. ugh

 

good news is that my appointment for may 30 got moved up to tomorrow!! so yay. I'm not sure if it's the psychiatrist or the therapist actually. so I'm not sure what to expect out of tomorrow but we will see!

 

lol seriously, money can’t buy happiness but it makes daily life way less stressful.

And I have never worked a third shift in my life, but I know I couldn’t do it. Haha earliest I worked was 5 am and that was rough.

 

note 2 self:

when putting all eggs in one basket, don't wait till late March to email the basket to make sure they are accepting eggs, because otherwise they will post on their website that they are not accepting eggs and all dreams/plans will be shattered

 

having a major "can't tell if I'm this way cuz I'm depressed or if I'm just a piece of shit" kinda day

 

This whole job thing has got me at an extreme low. It’s like I feel worthless. Not only will i not be paid for a weeks worth of work (bc of being out of work), when I start back it’s a significant enough of a pay decrease to get me down. I’m sure Fast food workers (mcds, bk, jack...) makes more than I do now. Still looking and still hoping. I don’t remember the last time I felt this low. I think this may be the lowest I felt

 

I always go to post things but then get really paranoid that everyone I know irl is reading all my shit so I delete everything. Thanks for fucking me up by spying on me during my teen years, dad! You'd think I'd be over it by now but it stills freaks me out. Even when I vague post, I lay awake at night for weeks panicking that everyone knows what or who I'm posting about and think about deleting the post.

 

Depression. You're not a piece of shit, you're a marvelous person.

 

i was nervous to go to work today but it was cool no one cared i called out and everyone was normal to me, idk why i get so worked up in my head

 

I qualify for a decent unemployment amount which is the only slightly positive news I've heard in a while.

I had to pay a ridic amount for my car being towed and I hate dealing with car stuff cause I have that insecurity they'll just think im some stupid girl, which I kinda was. I've never had a car towed so I guess I didn't realize u pay per day. I was trying to take care of insurance and DMV and unemployment and my grandpa's hospital stuff. It got towed over an hour away from where I live. Like I don't have a car and I guess luckily I am not working so I had time to get it and I happened to be near the town it was towed in cause my grandpa was in the hospital there. Just super frustrating. They were nice and knocked off two days of charge but it was still way more than I could afford rn

 

heh i got a call from the unemployment people today, long story short i filled out a bunch of shit wrong at first and that's why i haven't gotten any payments yet (since late January). the lady was really nice and fixed it and now i will finally be getting the damn money. and the medi-cal people also helped me take care of that enrollment stuff too.

so i think i will finally have unemployment $$ and health care again, like next week. i just want to not have to pay so damn much for my testosterone...i can handle $28 for 60 zolofts, but not $66 for two T vials.

edit: @Kiana i didn't know they charge by the day either

 

Feeling very low heading into the weekend. Feel like everything is coming apart and could use just a little fucking good news.

 

Same here. It's like there's never just a moment where everything is alright. As soon as one problem is solved, another bigger problem arrives.

 

I am kicking my own ass today wow

 

Currently waiting for a reply from my only "friend" and am shaking I'm so upset. She posted some really gross shit on FB and I'm waiting for her reply bc if I can't educate her ass, she's gone. (I honestly should delete her from my life regardless) It makes me really sad bc she was never like this. We've known each other since middle school and she used to be really nice and progressive. Then she married a right-wing nutjob and has slowly been brainwashed. I've been slowly distancing myself from her bc of it. We never talk politics in person and it works and normally she just posts dumb gun-related stuff on FB which I can deal with bc my whole family is like that so I'm just used to it tbh, but tonight she crossed a line for me. All her other friends have ghosted her and she can't figure out why. Uhhh you've changed completely as a person and not in a good way???? Maybe that's why????

 

I know the feeling. I’m still friends with this dude I grew up with because I’m reasonable and can just disagree with someone and have an honest conversation but it’s sad to see. My dude served for 4 years and came out this crazy conspiracy theorist. To each their own, and all that m, I suppose.

 

Yeah so I tried to educate my "friend" bc the shit she posted was transphobic af and all she sent me was a shrug emoji. The other thing she posted was some anti-planned parenthood shit and she apparently replied but then deleted the whole post so idk what she said and I kinda don't even care tbh. I'm done. I couldn't sleep last night so I talked to my mom about the whole situation. She basically said "would you rather have no friends or be friends with someone you think is a horrible person?" No friends it is! Plus my mom just laid everything out and said has she really even been a good friend to you? And the answer is no, she hasn't. I can't keep thinking about how she used to be and letting that sway me. She's not that person anymore and obviously has no desire to be that person again. I gotta be done. Like even last month I had casually mentioned something she had done to me to my hairdresser (a family friend basically) and she was like "why are you friends with her?????" Just gotta cut her toxic ass out.

 

So Medi-cal will in fact pay for the surgeries I need. Too bad when I do the math I'll need to be on it for more than a year (the nature of the surgery requires scheduling it almost a year in advance). So like, only part time work for a year. That's definitely not sustainable. Trying not to get depressed about it but it's hard not to. Need insurance to get a consult and I need a consult to get a surgery date. And then I need to have the stupid insurance for the foreseeable future because of the year wait.

 

Went to the doctor today. Got some medicine.

End of sharing post.

 

going into the 3rd week on prozac and idk if its working. i'm just getting serious into dj'ing and practicing that stuff has put me in a better mood i think. also been kind of on drugs (the illegal kind) every weekend in march so i might just be fuckin up.

 

its a really hard line to draw when a friend is extremely ignorant and believes really harmful shit. family too. sometimes i can look past it and just not talk about it and some people ive stopped talking to altogether because it wrecked my mental health to try.

 

I've had the worst week. I've been unemployed for the last nearly two months so things were already not great, but now my relationship has dissolved as well (or to be fair, it's turned into a platonic friendship).

I don't feel like I can be happy without being in a romantic relationship of some kind. I know that isn't healthy. And it is something that was a point of contention in our relationship. I guess I was alright before we met, but then I was also dating around.

This is only my second major relationship and I am wrecked. So much of the music I listen to and the things I enjoy doing are tied to her.

I just don't know how to be happy now. I'm staying active, working out, hiking, and I'm going to maintain the connection I have with her. But I just feel so much sorrow about this