Mental Health Thread • Page 174

There is nothing that warrants a partner physically assaulting another, @TMS2787. No one deserves that. As @BirdPerson said, it's easy to say "end it," from the outside, but that appears to be what should happen. The sooner you can move on from such a toxic sounding relationship, the better it'll be for your mental health. You deserve far, far better than that.

 

My sister dropped out of her course after struggling with it for the last 6 months. Her heart wasn't in it, she started to hate it, and her schoolwork suffered. She dropped out on Friday. My parents were mad at first and quickly turned it around and vowed to support her, help her, everything she needs to get a job, my parents would help. Wow! I was so impressed, maybe my dad was okay after all! Actually understanding!

I was dead wrong. Tonight at dinner he starts to attack my sister under the guise of a "joke" - none of what he said sounded like it was in a joking manner, just callous and cruel. He called her a bum, told her she's useless and zero determination because she couldn't get through her course, and threatened that she can't see her boyfriend or best friend until she's working. Once my sister was yelling and close to tears he LAUGHED and told her he was "only playing". I'm too weak to stand up for my younger sister. I'm hiding in the bathroom upstairs, I don't want to be around my family right now. I'm so so tired of his casual abuse swept under the rug because he "jokes around" to "toughen us up". All he does is ensure I continue lying to his face and never open up to him about anything.

I already had a rough few days. I wanted to die yesterday. I'm just hoping tomorrow will be a good day.

 

hope today goes better

 

Stuff has sucked so much I had to get out the big guns and listen to xtina's stripped to pull me out enough to feel motivated to do anything smh. Worst part of depression for me aside from crippling insecurity and doubt lol is not having the motivation to get up and do what I need to.

 

Also I wish I could move past the sucky things I've done that have hurt others. In the way that I was young and now realize what I was struggling with and how poorly I managed those feelings, and how my insecurity and self-hatred manifested in me doing things that hurt people. If someone told me they did what I did when I was that age, I'd say don't beat urself up, u didn't know better. But for me, I can't. Especially now working with populations who live with lots of trauma and seeing clearly how actions impact others in irreparable ways. I guess if I was brave I'd try to create a facebook and get in touch with those people to apologize or something, but then it feels self-serving too like I'm only doing it to make myself feel better. idk. How do I not beat myself up and stay up all night thinking about things I can't take back? Like... how do u make peace with urself? I feel like my entire life is going to be chasing that peace and never quite getting there.

 

I got my best friend back last night and it's the best I've felt since this year started.

 

To be honest I don’t think I’ll ever make peace with myself for some of the awful shit I did. All I can do now is to try to live my life in a manner that can hopefully outweigh the 15 years I spent as a shitty, shitty person.

 

I try to make living amends in cases where I know contacting the person would cause more trauma than anything. For instance, I haven't spoken with my ex-wife in years, and still there's nothing I could do for or say to her to fix my infidelity and lying. So instead I spend time on an infidelity subreddit, trying to offer perspective and reassurance to the betrayed - that no matter what happened in the relationship, it was their spouse's choice to cheat, etc.

Honestly Kiana, the fact that you work in that field - that's your living amends if you want it to be. Same with Mike. It's all we can do sometimes. Don't shut the door on the past, but don't regret it either.

 

aww buddy. Don't beat yourself up anymore. Hey, I've let it go...you and I are cool now. You can't beat yourself up forever about shit you did when you were younger.

However, if this was someone else, who I will not name, that's a different story, lol.

Love ya buddy!

 

Thank you. Unfortunately my shitty ways weren't confined to the internet. But thank you very much.

 

I'm feeling very frustrated. I've been applying to jobs/internships in the wildlife biology field, and I feel like I'm not qualified for any of them. I feel like college didn't teach me the things I needed to know to succeed in the real world. I probably should've made more of the opportunities college could've given me instead of just focusing on my coursework -- spent more time volunteering in labs, building a network, etc. But I still feel like my degree is worthless except for how it looks on my resume. I know that wildlife biology isn't an easy field to break into, but I thought my courses would prepare me for job opportunities far better than they have. Just felt like I needed to vent. I'm feeling hopeless, like college was just a waste of time when I should've been getting real experience.

 

i feel bad quoting you on this tweet but wow it's been a long time since we've talked i'm sorry things are a bummer in regards to this but i hope you are well in general!

 

I totally know this feeling. Focused on classes and suddenly I'd graduated and was not remotely prepared. Totally my fault.

Anyway. Is there any way to take advantage of your college's services now? Like my college had a job board, plus a service I could meet with to work on my resume and get advice about what type of work is around. If you can, that might be something to look into and see if available?

 

Post grad job hunting is a nightmare and really knocks you down. I'm lucky to even be getting any freelancing gigs but even that's not taking off like I need it to be. I'm stuck in a rut

 

lol do people on here not realize i can see when they like people's posts, so fucking obvious
legit triggered & traumatized today for various reasons. feels good man
casual racism and verbal abuse in one day. awesome.

 

yea that made me depressed for a few months so i totally relate to this. hope you find something long-term sooner than later.

 

Fuck everything.

 

I'm sorry!

 

My anxiety hit me really hard this morning out of nowhere.

 

This really hit me in the spot today, stay strong, y’all

 

I want her back

 

Sometimes I absolutely hate my own existence and how little I've accomplished.

 

What am I even doing... I wish I could wake up not slightly disappointed that I woke up at all. Nothings working out and I just am so frustrated and depressed.

 

I've had a bad couple of weekends.

I get upset really easily and take things personally when I shouldn't. But last night I let my anxiety take control of me, and I had a major meltdown. When I tried texting someone (whose actions have initiated a lot of my anxiety lately), she wasn't helpful at all. I don't expect to be coddled, but I was stunned at her lack of empathy, especially after having had serious conversations with her about her mental health issues. And I literally had to ask her to stop playing PS4... and then when I was finished she went straight back to gaming.

How do people lack this much empathy and compassion? I can't imagine someone coming to me and me treating them the way I was treated last night. It hurt me so much more than my actual depression/anxiety did.

 

So my Crohn’s Disease has been giving me a rough go as of late and it’s really fucking with my head. I mean, I was looking up songs that I could relate to the feeling one has when it feels like their chronic illness/disease is slowly ravaging their body. Anyway, that probably sounds way bleaker than I intended. Glad I can vent that here to a group of strangers as opposed to people I know close to me, though.

Anyway, the new Chvrches song is great and makes me happy. Check it out.