Mental Health Thread • Page 146

Been a weird day. I've just been thinking over a lot of stuff, so I'm sorry for the incoming scattered post.

Three people I knew died this week. Not people I knew very well, one was my cousins grandfather and the other two were family friends. I've been trying to just switch off my emotions because I know each of them were over 90 years old and all my grandmother's friends will pass now... but it's left me shaken. I hate that it's getting to a point where people I've known my whole life are dying pretty often.

My abusive ex boyfriend's name has popped up on Facebook via that on this day feature. We haven't spoken in three years, but seeing his name pop up out of nowhere triggered a whole lot of memories of everything that happened. I should've blocked him a long time ago, I know, but I'm not usually that active on Facebook. I just blocked him tonight. I think a small part of me hoped that he'd try to message me again so I could tell him everything he did fucked me up and I didn't deserve it. I wanted him to know that I let him back in my life once, despite everything that happened in our relationship, and he hurt me even more when we were friends. But it's been three years and he abandoned me when I was at my worst and it took me a long time to accept that he'd never come back. I'm glad I blocked him but it's just so sudden and too much.

My boyfriend has been going through a rough patch. I won't elaborate since it's his business, but he's been worried that it's been affecting me. Tbh, the thing that affects me is not being able to help and not being able to hold him at night after long days. Distance is so brutal at times like this. Both of us have been busy and tired this week, so we've had even less time together than usual. It sucks just waiting for the weekend so we can finally spend quality time together, but it is what it is and I wouldn't give up on him no matter how hard it is.

Music and this website (especially the people in the Science Fiction thread, who have made me feel so welcome and like I'm part of a happy friendship group) have really kept me going when I feel like I'm losing control and tempted to isolate myself. I'm sure I had more on my mind earlier but I've forgotten now

 

So, I think I'm going to change my therapist again. It took awhile to find one that wasn't far and that wasn't uncomfortable, but I think it's time. I almost had a panic attack this morning while getting ready to see her and I realized, its not my fault that I am this way. Why do I feel so guilty for this incident? I came to the conclusion that she's very ableist and constantly badgering me to be even more independent than I already am and it gets kind of nauseating.

I'm not going to therapy to speak to an ayn rand book, I have issues that I can't inherently fix without being an entirely different person than I am. It's not my fault that I have some of the issues I was born with, mentally and I shouldn't be made to feel like I'm a bad or weak person. She should be helping me manage the difficulties I have and finding ways to help me, not pounding on me and making it worse. I know she's not trying to hurt me but it's clear she just doesn't know what she's doing to help someone like me.

The solution to everything isn't blaming me for any negative situation and telling me I shouldn't ever receive help from anyone for anything. She's just been lowering my self esteem/confidence and making me feel worse. On top of that, I feel like more than ever; no one loves me or cares and it feels dreadful. I couldn't stay with my ex because she had her own mental health issues but I didn't think I'd feel this bad since. It's been months and the absence of that has been so, so awful.

 

That sounds like an awful therapist. Glad you’re getting away from them and I hope you find one that’ll be better for you.

 

Thanks

It's going to be a pain in the ass looking again though

 

Yeah, it’ll take some time but it’ll be worth completely when you do find a better one.

 

Yea, hopefully. I wish there was a site that had like rankings and reviews of that stuff, it would make life easier.

 

Seriously, it would be so helpful if someone made something like that. Trying to find a good one is such a struggle. I just started looking again and have yet to find one I like.

 

There are some sites but they're very limited. I would guess they don't want something like that to exist because it would ruin the shitty ones business. Maybe one day. I've found the best ones simply by recommendation.

 

Trying to find another pyschiatrist who actually takes my insurance is proving more difficult than I imagined. I'll find out Monday if the next name on the list does.

 

I think my dating life really gets messed up because of my mental health. It really sucks. I don't think I've even had an ex that has understood at least one iota, my longest relationship 6yrs) didn't try at all. It's rough.

 

ya I feel this. It generally comes up as them thinking I'm mad at them or withholding affection or attention when in reality I'm probably just having a particularly rough day for no actual reason. It leads to me getting guilt tripped "i'm sorry if I did anything wrong idk why you're like this" etc etc which of course makes me feels worse.

 

Yea, I can relate to some of that for sure. Usually for me; when it comes to communicating, it's mostly me so it's different there. They complain when I don't tell them how I feel and when I do it's just a whole bunch of emptiness so I usually just keep it to myself. It's tough.

 

What is wrong with me. I'm gonna write this all out and someone should tell me.

Me and a friend went to a concert. She drank and got high before the show. I figured she would. She even asked me if it was okay if she smoked beforehand and I had no problem with it. She's outgoing so we kinda befriended ppl near us and had a spot up front. She continued drinking a lot but it was whatever. But a few songs in she left and told me she would be back in a minute so I assumed she had to pee, but she never came back. She text me to say she tried to get back to where I was but couldn't and she would meet me when it ended. It sucked being by myself but the ppl we'd met at the show made me feel like I wasn't "alone." After the show I waited quite a while for her to meet me like she said and she never came. I finally found her outside. she'd left the show to get high with some strangers and couldn't get back to our spot so she just continued to smoke. For some reason this upset me and I need to know honestly how irrational I'm being lol. why am I upset? I did pay for both our tickets and our hotel and gas so I think on some level I'm upset that I put in all this and she barely watched the band. However, she did pay for like all my food on the trip and the uber. I still had fun during the show, so what's the deal? She's an adult and can do what she wants. Am I upset because she didn't care about the band as much as me and kind of wasted a ticket? Am I policing how she has a good time? Am I being possessive? Am I subconsciously upset she got drunk and high because in the past she's screwed me over when she's in that state? Idek. Like I still had fun and I feel like I shouldn't care but for some reason I'm still bummed. I was having so much fun with her before she left and feeling like she was really focusing on making sure I had fun and putting me first for once, so I did feel a bit abandoned or insecure like she'd rather smoke with randos than see the show with me. But are those feelings legit or is it my own hang up because she's a partier and I'm usually sober and I feel insecure about being boring?? Idk.

 

Also sometimes im just bitter that I'm always so responsible and boring. I trace it to my parents divorce. My parents were such a mess and I ended up having to take care of my little sister a lot and I think I grew up quickly and assumed this role of keeping things together and being responsible for everyone. I think that is still a mentality I have which is partly why I rarely drink. I end up making sure everyone is safe and there's at least one person thinking clearly and then I often get a hard time for being a square. So I'm like am I bitter because of my own baggage or for a legitimate reason like I don't even know anymore and it's frustrating. She didn't give me a hard time about it tho. If anything I think she was appreciative of getting us to our hotel safely so idk what my deal is ughh maybe I'm just impossible to please

 

Your feelings are totally valid and it's okay to be upset with your friend, @Kiana. And you're not boring or irrational! Ditching you at the show to get high with strangers while you worry and wait for her to come back is a shitty thing to do.

 

Yeah that’s fucked up, and I’ve had similar experiences with friends. Felt the same way too, I don’t understand it either. Sorry that’s happening

 

Thanx bb. It did kinda suck cause there were a few times I wasn't fully paying attention to the band cause I was looking for her in the crowd to try and help her get back and I doubt she was really trying hard to get back? I feel like when ppl see you leave your spot temporarily they are generally nice about letting u come back. The ppl next to us left their spot multiple times and made it back up to the front. It's not the first time she's done something similar. I'm probably not gonna invite her to any more shows. It sucks cause she was my main concert buddy for 10 years but has started pulling this the last few shows. I had another friend who wanted to go to the show but I chose this particular friend cause I wanted to spend time with her and it was so fun in the beginning and that felt rly nice. I even straight up was like "so u ditched me to get high with strangers" and she said she didn't know why I was mad cause she got us up to the front. But I'm like yeah you got us to the front but then u left me there alone, so......

But whenever I try to talk to her about it I just feel like a giant square overreacting

 

If your friends aren't understanding and sensitive to your feelings than they probably aren't your friends. If they know it upsets you and they continue to do it I would steer clear of them until they get the message.

 

not to be trite, but what Julian said. 100%

if you are putting effort in and someone else is not, and hurting more than helping, i would find better friends who can give more than they take away

 

While I agree with what Julian said, I would also caution that it's wise to bring up these grievances with said people. I know that I was a shitty friend doing things that I didn't understand or know was hurting people around me, but when it was brought to my attention I stopped immediately. Some people, like myself, are just too dense to realize that they may be hurting someone from what seems like innocuous actions, y'know? Kind of give them the heads up. If they don't change after that, then it's time to reevaluate.

 

I was under the guise that she did explain that it upset her to her friend, sorry if I read wrong.

 

You're right, I missed @Kiana follow up post where she wrote that she said something to the friend.

 

I know I should but it's so hard for me. We have been best friends for over 10 years but she has always had that aspect to her personality where she'll kinda screw me over once in a while to hang with other ppl and it has always made me feel insecure. At first I was like okay we're teenagers and teenagers are dumb, but as an adult now it has gotten so old. When we do hang out we pick up right where we left off but I think I'm gonna have to just not initiate things with her anymore. It sucks feeling like an after thought or someone she hangs out with when she has nobody else. She'll do awesome things sometimes like remember when my job interviews are and wish me luck, and there was a few times in college she'd even drive 4 hours to pick me up and take me home for Thanksgiving cause my mom wouldn't, so she does things to show she cares, but then she often drops the ball and I never know what to make of it. It'd be easier if she screwed me over all the time instead of just sometimes lol. Cause I think she's cares but she has a flakier personality than me so I try to meet her where she's at but still end up feeling screwed often

Even tho I did talk to her ur still right and I wish I would have spoken to her again. I talked to her that night when it happened but she was still all not sober which isn't conducive to the best conversations. I wish I had brought it up the next day but I honestly didn't even realize how upset I was about it until I got home and had a chance to be alone and really think about it. so now I feel silly that I was cool with her that entire next day and then to suddenly be like "wait no actually it's not cool." It's hard cause my instinct is to always be agreeable and keep things pleasant so I usually don't process how I actually feel until I'm removed from the situation and can be alone and think about it, but often by then the timing is weird and the moment is gone so I tend to flop a bit with bringing it back up

 

I had a friend for like 18 years that I let go of and it's been fine without him. He was a shitty person and treated me like such. It's not the same for everyone though so I understand your pain and the grips of it, just try again and ponder it over. Do you have a lot of other friends? Maybe consider hanging out with her less often so you can minimize the damage until she takes it seriously?

 

I have made more friends recently which has boosted my self esteem in that regard. She used to be one of my only friends so making more has been nice and we've def hung out less since, since these friends make more of an effort. I just missed her and wanted to go with her specifically, which is why it kinda stung that she ended up leaving not long after the set even started. Before this we hadn't hung out for months