Mental Health Thread • Page 122

no problem man i'm happy to help. obviously these issues are close to my heart.

and yea i feel you. i've been there. i blacked out my windows with tin foil so i could spend more time unconscious. all i could do was lay down or walk around listening to music trying to escape my body.

it's funny because the default state of human beings is one of love, joy, well being, and action from a place of genuine inspiration. but due to social conditioning, emotional trauma, and shame we accumulate (which hits harder if you're a sensitive person like i am and i assume a lot of the people on this forum are) we get weighed down.

it's like going through life with one foot on that gas and one on the brake.

when i finally was open to improving my situation i tried everything. but this is the stuff that really worked for me -- not "trying harder" or "thinking positive" -- but actually getting to the cause.

you seem to be at a place where you're open to taking action to move in a positive direction, even if it seems impossible to get out from where you're standing. which is a beautiful place to be. really i just want to say i believe in you and let you know it's possible.

 

I am feeling kind of better tonight. The wound from the break-up is obviously still fresh, & it will hurt for a very, very long time, but thanks to the help of close friends & family, I've come to realize that maybe it is going to be okay. Plus there's the possibility she might come back to me someday. If it's really meant to be then we'll probably end up together again someday. I'll just have to give it time.

I know trying to still focus on eating more, not throwing up, & trying to slowly re-gain weight is exactly what she would have wanted me to do. If she knew that this break-up set me back & made me relapse back into bad habits she would be so upset. Even though we're not together right now, I still need to stick to the promises I made her.

 

I don't want to get too personal, but have you been diagnosed with a disorder? Asking because I'm an inch taller and have always varied between 117-125lbs. I've always felt that I was an unhealthy weight, but no doctor has ever told me I should actively try and gain weight (which I've done and failed to do).

 

Shit, I can't deal with everything happening today. Worked one of my hardest shifts that has left me doubting my abilities in pretty much everything. Everyone else in my program is graduating from college tonight but I'm not because I fucked up and didn't pass a single science class to get credit and (literally until now) haven't told anyone or done anything about it. And just saw my neighbor, one of the women who has been there for me my entire life and shaped my personality, taken away on a stretcher with literally no idea what's going on.

I really feel like I'm losing it completely I don't see any sort of light at the end of any of this

 

I actually haven't been to a doctor in years, but I definitely know for my frame size & build I should probably aim to be on the higher end of the healthy bmi range instead of the lower end.

 

You are yourself, so live for yourself, and nobody else. Take care of yourself for you. Your health and happiness is important.

 

Thank you, it's just hard when she was my motivation to take care of myself & really the only thing that made me happy, y'know?

 

ohhhh i know, i've been there >_> that's why i'm giving you that advice. :) i know it's very, very cliche to say - but it does take time.

 

Got my second OVI Monday night.

Drinking has always been my way of coping with feelings. Trying to numb everything until I don't care. Thinking about rehab, but that means losing my job for sure. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

 

things have been going really well lately. which makes me nervous because eventually things are gonna get bad again like they always do. which is a horrible way to look at it

 

so frustrating when at every turn someone who is suppose to promote your growth seems to wanna sabotage (and I wish I could say it was so malicious to just write off, but they just fear from own struggles) to keep you around to help them. its one thing to need help, its another to wanna dick with people so they're stuck near you and not growing beyond that, like it's a slight against them and not just a new (and completely natural, necessary) dimension to someone's character and life in general.

Family vs. my love life.

Edit* and the frustrating thing is my love life has it's flaws too, I don't need nonsense from all angles about all self serving bullshit when really... I've owned my own flawed moves and such in all this to them personally... but no side can say I'm not just moving for personal & relationship evolution....... and how is that REALLY bad???

 

I did the two weeks at the warehouse, over 100 hours. On the last day I started sobbing in the lunch room because I knew I'd be unemployed again and I felt like I wasn't doing enough as it was.
Most of the people were gone on that day due to the massive rush the day before, and I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to be there but no one said anything as I worked alone for a few hours. Went home around lunch.

I always feel out of place.

When I got home I updated my resume and then went to sleep, the next day I saw my counsellor. Then the next day I started job hunting again, got an interview almost immediately but now their ad is gone and I haven't gotten a second call so rip. Submitted loads of applications though... Mostly dishwashing. Or anything that doesn't require much experience. Need to swallow the anxiety while in the interview and wait until I get home to be stupid. It's just really awful waiting in limbo like this and it's a sunny day outside and I keep thinking about people and feel like im missing something.

still not sure if I should get a cell phone yet. I have the $ for it now but I feel like it'd only make me lonelier. Right now I'm basically telling myself that my friends are waiting for me to get better while I know I'm just waiting for opportunities to make new ones because of how much I've damaged the relationships the last few years.

Oh and my birthday is coming up. 22. I'm so immature. It's just another day right, but time is so absolute. One of the last things one of my friends said to me is that it doesn't matter if you've felt like you've wasted time, all that matters is that you move forward.

Keep having unpleasant dreams about my only and short lived relationship. Even tho I ended it in the dreams it's always the opposite. She blocked me, moved away to get away from me, etc. I guess that's just what I'm scared will happen to people I like idk. Too vulnerable to date rn anyway.

I hope the phone rings soon

 

I feel like this all the time too when things are going well. It's the worst just constantly bringing yourself back down

 

I'm thinking about finally talking to a doctor soon.

 

I know about coping with alcohol. Sending love bc I know how hard it is to be in the place you're in. I do know you can be successful whichever route you take. ❤️

 

My work is doing it again, just when everyone thought it was worse last time, it's even more worse this time. They're having me do shit I've never been trained for in a section that every time I'm over there, I don't know what to do because I get stuck with someone who doesn't know what to do. On top of that I'm still going through some tough shit that happened pretty recently that my boss is very aware of. Throw all that together and it's a recipe for disaster. I'm going to be in tears again at work due to the stress. I guess maybe it's time to find a new job.

 

I feel nobody likes me posting in pol anymore. And everyone is just annoyed. I'm pretty sensitive, but I don't really have anywhere else to be outspoken to a group of people about things they'd otherwise not know about or think about because they can't relate to it or don't understand.

 

I don't ever post in the thread, but I do lurk and always appreciate your insight on topics. You've educated me on many things I didn't know, so do know that there's some that appreciate your posts and are learning from them!

 

Thanks so much. I just got a bit paranoid/sensitive about it, and I don't want to annoy people.

 

Just wanted to post this here and hope this helps anyone...

Chris Cornell: When Suicide Doesn't Make Sense | HuffPost

 

new to this thread, and actually forgot it exists until now, but something makes me think this is better than talking to my friends. had an amicable breakup after ~5 years in october and i think she got a new bf a month ago. that part alone sucks and has still been driving me nuts but i've also got some worsening health issues. i've been consumed with jealousy of her. jealous that she got to move away and start a new happy life just when my health started to tank; it feels like she got to enjoy the best of me and got to escape just in time. it's a terrible feeling.

 

I honestly feel like I'm lost

 

Honestly it's not even something people should get annoyed by. Getting annoyed by a POC's viewpoint is ridiculous and shouldn't be happening. People should actually be listening and trying to learn.

 

I actually made an appointment with a psychologist today. Surprisingly easy too. The Dr answers his own phone and had evening hours

 

at one point in my teens years my fam found out i'd been self harming and it took a while but I stopped. A few times I started again but on my upper thigh and I always thought it was high up enough that nobody would ever see it. Except when I sit down in shorts you can see scars and I'm so uneasy about them. I mean it's whatever idc about me seeing them, but I don't want others to know or ask, espesh cause my fam didn't know I briefly started that up again or that it was a location I ever did it in. A few years ago my lil sis asked me about them. She was too young to remember the fallout from when my fam initially realized it. I'm sure she knows what they are but part of me hopes she's dumb and thinks it's from shaving or stretch marks or something and forgot about it. I'm not necessarily ashamed, but I don't like attention. It just sucks cause like when I'm driving with a passenger I have to strategically put my purse or phone by my leg or something and I don't like thinking about it. Meh.