Mental Health Thread • Page 116

Sorry for more venting, I do read the responses but I like to hide aha.

Anyway, call centre I quit after two days. The guy doing the training showed us a 'sale', while we were raising money for Down Syndrome he still got the other guy on the phone who mentioned having a charity of his own because his son had died a few months ago to 'donate in his sons honour because that would be WOW'.

It just, I am not a very pushy person and I understand the need for telemarketers but that just left a bad taste in my mouth. Also getting told to go **** myself three calls in a row isn't fun.

PSA: PLEASE BE NICE TO TELEMARKETERS THEIR JOBS ARE HORRIBLE :'(


Buuuut then I got another job interview - didn't hear back from them after, but now I'm doing a two week contract for a flower company. So at least I'll smell better than I did when I came home from the call centre, and I'll finally be able to put something on my resume in relation to work experience :).

I've got a bunch of other job fairs and random emails (I went and got help for finding jobs cuz I'm still a 'youth'). So...

Since New Years, so like 4 months, I went from thinking I'd never be in a relationship or being able to work to finally getting myself together and actually finding a couple jobs and having an ex ahaha. I think the biggest thing was just that, I told myself I wouldn't be able to. Or that if I did get hired, I'd mess up and get fired. Everything to me was All Or Nothing. If someone rejects you, or you don't get that second interview, that would've been it to me.

Im also a bit guilty of getting ahead of myself, and then getting disappointed when things don't pan out. But hey, im learning as I go along.

idk, I just feel like some sort of veil has been lifted. The sadness and self hate and loneliness and stuff still exists but, I'm able to drown it out now.

And I feel way less judgemental towards ppl because, idk what people have been through. We make so many assumptions based on certain expectations and in the end the only opinion that matters is yours... No one is ever truly a lost cause. I spent so long telling myself I was, and almost RIGHT after I decided to do something about it, things shifted a bit.

I have short term and long term goals again, it's so weird. And my friends are still around, went to a hockey game with one of them recently. Knowing they exist is helpful, for those that might not be fortunate enough to have support like me I really wish I could give you a hug because I promise there's people out there that care. There's someone and somewhere for everyone, just gotta go find them and it!

 

I had a surprisingly positive day. I'm feeling some purpose in my life and like I may have an end to all my struggles. (As always: sorry this is all over the place. I just really appreciate having a safe thread to vent. I also need to follow up on previous responses to me)

I only took a 2 hour nap and instead of sleeping more I went out for a walk around my neighborhood. Then when I came home I had, at my doorstep, a huuge box of pictures, documents, and keepsakes from my grandma (who passed away a few weeks ago). Not only did I find tons of pictures of me as a baby I found a family tree that traces back to a great-great? grandpa born in 1869. Its probably dumb but having these connections is really exciting. I can't wait to actually assemble all of these photos and try to find some sort of connection with my family that I've always felt so separated from.

It feels nice to be heading to bed with a good feeling.

 

I hate that my depression makes it so hard for me to get excited and enthusiastic about stuff. We had our big work event and everyone had so much fun getting into it except angsty me in the corner. I'm sure some ppl think I'm too cool for school but I just don't get into it. Everyone was being silly and having a blast and I go sulk. I def used to think it was just my personality but over the last year I've started to realize it's my depression that has gone untreated for so long that it feels like my normal. I think since I'm not suicidal or self-harming I neglect dealing with it even tho I need to.

 

I had reached my year with my work a few months ago and that was cool.

but then a few of my friends who I was super close with started leaving and now work has become such a bummer.

I told my co-worker how I felt about work and he just laughed it off as me being silly and I was just like thinking face emoji. I'm now having those internal discussions on what I want to do with my future.

 

I can def relate to not being able to have fun and I feel anxious and guilty about it, like what's wrong with me everyone else enjoys just being outside on a nice day why can't I

 

Yeah it's frustrating because I feel like if I just participated I'd have fun like everyone else but I honestly can't muster up the motivation to do it. I feel all blah and cant will myself to get up or participate. At the work thing I sat in a chair until they needed my help with something and that did end up being fun, but I didn't do it until I was basically forced to. I tell people I can't muster up the energy to do this or that which I think they interpret it as laziness, but I have something internally holding me back.

 

I saw this and it struck me bc I know a lot of us struggle with anxiety.

 

How a Person with Bipolar Thinks

 

I tried to explain to my mom why I don't want to move to the town next to hers and she doesn't get it. Having grown up in a small town I want something that's my own. I want my own little corner of the world where I have my own streets I walk down and my own shops I frequent and restaurants I go to and people I know and it's just mine. Not oh you're so and so's sister or daughter. I want to have my own stories and when people visit I want to show it off like it's my niche place in the world. idk if that makes sense or not

I think that's why I identify so much with Rachel before she breaks up with Ross lol. When she talks about wanting something that's hers and separate from everything else I'm like I get u sis!!

 

I firmly believe that everyone should leave their hometown for an undetermined amount of time. I currently like only like an hour away from where I grew up, but it can feel like so much more. It's helped me in so many ways and even though I'm not in love with the city and miss my hometown, living here has helped so much.

 

Once I get a job, I'm gonna look into moving out. My parents have supported me financially thus far, which I am grateful for, and I know they mean well, but they don't know how to deal with my mental health issues and usually only make matters worse--my self esteem has been in the dumps for as long as I can remember. At some point soon, I need to prove to myself that I can make it on my own.

 

Yeah I moved away for college before coming back but college is kind of like a little bubble. I need to move for real. There are def things I'll miss (family, and I will never wrap my head around paying for parking) but whenever those angsty pop punk songs come on about leaving town I'm like omg I wanted to leave town when this song came out 15 years ago and I'm an adult now and I am still here!

 

I loved being away for 5+ from my hometown while I went away to college/was living with my ex. Being home now kind of sucks and I really can't wait to get out when I can.

 

I tell myself that when I move out and away from the boring old suburbs to the city that I'll do stuff, and I know there's a chance I won't but there's also a chance I might actually live my life can you imagine

 

I'm thinking about going to my first MeetUp tomorrow. My best friend is moving to NC in a few months and my friend count is getting smaller and smaller. Anxious about it because I really don't want to interact with new people, but it could actually go well.

 

I moved to Chicago for a year from a suburb of Orlando and told myself I'd get out and do more stuff and it was a time to reinvent myself and become less of an introvert/shadow of my friends. I'd say I got about 25% better but it was nothing like I had imagined when dreaming of moving out there, haha. It happened again when I moved 5 minutes from downtown Orlando this October and I still don't go out but I eat at more interesting restaurants now! Baby steps, right?

 

I just want to move to some place that has some form of public transportation so I can actually go places and have some sort of freedom. I'm sick of having to rely on everyone to get places. And I'm sick of missing out on things I actually want to do bc everything is an hour plus away and I have no way of getting there (I'm looking at you Thursday concert!!!!! )

 

Reinventing myself never works lol. I just gotta accept that I'm boring old me and I'm stuck in my ways!

 

I don't think it's reinventing yourself, though I get the feeling that your soul needs a makeover, it's being the best you you can be, and you're already rad

 

Been pretty bummed out over the past four years (my father, aunt, uncle, and grandmother all died unexpectedly) and my mental illness has not been doing well. I feel less manic but probably because I have almost no energy and sleep away all my free time. So to get away from this I'm thinking about maybe going on a cruise to the Caribbean to see Mayan Ruins and swim with dolphins and whatnot, but not sure yet. It would be my first trip out of the country so I figured a regimented schedule with events in a relatively nearby area surrounded by groups of other travelers would be a good first step before traveling completely on my own. Plus I'm endlessly fascinated by the ocean and might see some really cool stuff while in open waters. Since nobody I know is able to afford it or is interested in going it would be a solo trip though. Is it even worth it to go on a solo cruise? I don't even know what that would be like TBH.

 

Most people that go on cruises go as a couple, or as a group. I'm not sure how many people go solo. The one I went on had planned dinner times and stuff like that too - some of those things might feel weird solo. However, if you're outgoing and personable, it might be worth it to go.

 

Riding solo is better than doing nothing, personally I like doing things alone

 

I skipped my Wellbutrin dose yesterday. Big mistake. I want to fucking die today. I also double dosed on my guanfacine last night because I was really depressed and wanted to be knocked out and I feel so out of it today

 

Yeah, it's worth it. I miss where I grew up; I think it's just a way better city even though it's slightly smaller (I think), but where I'm at now is my own. Yeah, I don't like it, but I want to build a business here (because there's opportunity) and I've met some of the best people that have ever been in my life, and I'm a much, much better person for it. I've also become more out-going and personable, because of the couple of jobs I took here didn't allow me to just slink in the background and that's helped me in a professional and personal manner. I can only imagine the putrid disdain I would still have for myself and my life had I not moved even as close as an hour north of where I grew up.

Yo, 25% is still 25%! Would you take 25% more pay in your job? Hell yeah you would, because 25% is a lot. So that's something to be proud as hell about.

 

I went a month with very few lows but they're steadily coming back and more often. Ughhh I was feeling so great