Mental Health Thread • Page 104

Yesterday was my second birthday without Kazuko in my life and I've got to say that it hasn't gotten any easier. I spent the first half of the day feeling perfectly ok but then I got pretty depressed. I forced myself to exercise a bit but it just didn't feel good.

I didn't spend it entirely alone but I feel the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life. I genuinely felt physically sick about it earlier. It's sort of been consuming me.

I don't even know exactly how to describe in words exactly the way that I feel right now. I just feel incredibly down and lonely. I long for the companionship, the love that I shared with her but I know I just can't have it. Our situation made our strong feelings for each other work in practically a perfect way. I know that without the same things, I cannot ever fall in love with another woman in quite the same, strong way.

Every now and again, I write poems about her as some sort of release. It helps a little bit but it doesn't help much and it makes me incredibly sad that where there was once an incredibly beautiful, intelligent, strong, amazing person there is now nothing.

 

As a sort of addition, while I was out jogging, there were these two teenage boys and they were sort of harassing me toward the end and followed me until I got back home. It was pretty upsetting to get treated that way. I didn't even know how to respond or even if I should have, so I didn't.

 

my ex said that all the time to me, which is ironic because she was the most disorganized person I've ever known

 

Sorry for saying that again, but this also sounds like my ex. She didn't even want me to wear a condom, which is soooooo dangerous now that I think about it. I was too kind and naive with her :/

 

This might be odd, but does anyone here have Bipolar II? I am concerned about someone really close to me having it, and have researched everything I can find online. If anyone has it, could you tell me what the the signs were that you have it? (You can PM if you like). I'm just trying my best to understand it so I can give her the best help I can.

 

I do. I also have generalized anxiety disorder and insomnia so it may not effect her the same way.

The difference in 1 and 2 is in BP1 you have full blown mania worse than BP2 and possibly psychosis and depression. BP 2 is hypomania which is step below mania and the depression is worse than BP1.

Hypomania: I would obsessively clean my car, my mind started racing and no one could understand what I was saying bc I kept jumping from thought to thought and talking really fast. I would spend money I didn't have, I self medicated with alcohol and any drugs I could get a hold of. I was hypersexual and did a lot of shit I wouldn't normally do. I couldn't taste anything, I was irritable at times and would cuss my parents out. I would stay up for days. Most ppl like mania bc you have energy, confidence, producivity. Mine would last for about a week and then I would crash hard.

Depression: Mine lasted about 3 weeks. BP2 ppl are more likely to commit suicide bc of how bad the depression part is. I only got up to go to work and even then I would call out as much as possible. I wasn't taking care of myself like hygiene, food, I didn't watch tv or was on my phone, I just lay in bed in the dark. I thought about suicide a lot. Crying, no energy, feeling guilty and worthless, no concentration, shut out my friends and family.

There are mixed episodes too where it's random symptoms from hypomania + depression. Rapid cycling is a combo of mania, hypomania, and depression all at once. I've never experienced those personally. I take 4 meds which keep me in check for the most part but I relapse once or twice a year. BP is so tricky and hard to treat.

I hope that makes sense lol

 

I've been going through a difficult time in my life over the last year and a half where I feel so frustrated towards life and I feel like I'm circling rock bottom.

I've been struggling with depression and I'm afraid of not achieving everything I want to be. I no longer enjoy college and I'm just in it not for the bachelor's degree at this point. I'm not in a band and I desperately want to be creating music and potentially playing shows as it's my biggest dream. I'm single and have been for nearly five years now, which is incredibly disheartening after a series of Tinder dates I went on last year.

Not to mention I recently got my heartbroken by someone I potentially had a thing with last October. I laid all my cards out on the table for her and she told me that she likes me too and has thought of pursuing something more with me, but she doesn't know if she sees me as just a friend or something more right now. She said she wished she could feel the same way towards me as I do towards her and that she wanted to remain open to the idea of "us" so that at a later point in time maybe we'll become something. In the meantime, she went on a blind date she was set up for and it went well enough to have a second one. So I told her that she is free to pursue this other guy and I want her to be happy, but I wasn't going to be somebody's backup plan like that in case it didn't work out between them, which she totally agreed and understand and she felt bad for leaving me in limbo instead of telling me "no." Then she proceed to tell me "Even if I said yes, it wouldn't work out because of your depression and struggles with alcohol."

We're still friends, but she's off of my radar at this point romantically. However, I can't stop thinking about what she said to me about my depression and alcoholism and it's eating away at me every single fucking day. Which that's a whole other thing. I had been coping with my depression by drinking, which led to a couple benders last month. I've recently decided to stop drinking and I've been nearly three weeks sober at this point, which is great I guess, but I still feel miserable most days.

I just feel very unfulfilled with my life right and I don't I don't know what to do anymore. My mind won't stop racing. I'm afraid of being alone because I feel lonely a lot of the time, even of I'm with other people. Being alone and lonely at night, like right now, is terrifying to me. I can't get good sleep anymore without asking up multiple times throughout the night. I just feel like a shell of my former self right now. I feel empty. I've been going to therapy since November, which has helped a little bit I guess, but after a day or two of my last session I feel like I'm backing to dwelling and just feeling like a mess.

I don't know what else to say so I'll just leave it at that for now. Sorry for the large post.

 

Thank you so much! This actually helps a lot. Every article I could find on the topic was kind of general about the symptoms, so hearing a little more detail on it is super helpful. A lot of those do line up with what she's been going through. Her dad is bipolar, so I knew it was hereditary. And she has been doing really bad off and on for a year. Thank you again. :)

 

I didn't think anything was really wrong with me bc when you're in it you're not 100% realizing what you're doing. I have battled depression since I was a kid and I thought the stress of taking a full load in college and working was just taking a toll on me. My sister recognized that something was up. I would call her talking nonsense and it scared her. She said pack your shit bc I'm coming down to get you and you're moving back in with our parents until you figure out what's wrong.

I went to my reg Dr and she said I'm not 100% sure but it sounds to me like you might be bipolar. She said she would refer me and get me an appt with the best psychiatrist from around here and she saved my life. But I always took responsibility for how I acted even if it came to them having to tell me what I did bc I don't use bipolar as an excuse to be a bitch.

I started with Zoloft and it exacerbated my symptoms so I went to Prozac and an anti psychotic Zyprexa and also Ambien which made me crazy. So now it's Prozac, Lamictal, Zyprexa, Seroquel and the prices rose so it's expensive af and is why people go untreated.

She said I'm a rare case and no amount of meds are going to keep you from having episodes but it will cut them down to 1 a year, 2 years maybe. So I'll always struggle and I had to disclose it to my supervisor bc I use needles on patients which is foolish to let me work and if that occurs I let her know and she'll get someone to cover my shift so I was very lucky to have someone who understood.

Just posted that so maybe you could explain it to her better like you said when it's not a general description of it. If she'll listen that's awesome but sometimes you have to hit rock bottom so as to stop making excuses and take care of it and yourself. You've got one life to live and it shouldn't be spent feeling like shit over something you can't control.

 

That is kind of her exactly. She doesn't think it's bipolar for the exact reason of thinking it's just school and work taking a toll on her. And she doesn't see it at all. But about a year ago she started to go through periods where she would be different. Maybe for a few hours at first, but it eventually became multiple months of it. And it scares me shittless. I had a friend who's Bipolar led to him killing himself a couple years ago. So, I'm really just a wreck of worry right now, but it's extremely difficult to get through to her. I haven't been sleeping and I constantly feel on the verge of tears and/or panic attack. I'm gonna try my best though. Thank you again! I'm pretty sure your two replies have been more helpful than every article I read. haha

 

Have you told her how it is affecting you bc you're worried and just want her to get checked out? Like just to have confirmation that that's what it is and she doesn't have to act on it if she's not ready. Being diagnosed can legit change your mind.

 

I need some advice:

A friend of mine died 10 years ago. His best friend accidentally killed him. It was kind of a freak accident. Cleve had passed out in the driveway and David was black out drunk and didn't see him. My cousin was there with them and they were the ones trying to move the truck.

Fatal Pickup Truck Accident Yields $1.5M Verdict :: Atlanta Car Accident Liability Lawyer Levy & Pruett

His mom calls all of us randomly especially my cousin. It's usually around the anniversary but the calls have become more frequent and she's always super drunk. I just got off the phone with her and she didn't flat out tell me she felt suicidal but she hinted at it. I'm going to call her and check every hour or so but what do I do? Should I call the police or a friend/my parents to go over there and do a welfare check or is it the alcohol? I don't live near her and her daughter lives in NY. She split with her husband and he moved to Colorado so calling them isn't the answer. I don't know what to do.

 

Yeesh. Everything about this is terrible. I don't think she's done anything to warrant a police visit, nor do I necessarily think they would feel it necessary as she didn't flat out say she's suicidal. With that in mind, I think that if anything were to happen and you didn't do anything then you would probably be pretty upset. It might be worth it to give your parents/one of her friends a call and have them check up on her, imo. That's strictly concerning tonight though. What she really needs is professional help. You can't be responsible for her well-being.

 

I called my parents and my mom is gonna go over and check on her. Thanks. Your post made me feel better about it.

 

Does anyone have any tactics for making it through the workday? I only have two months left of this job but every day is just excruciating. I'm constantly fighting anxiety here.

 

Something I've dealt with for several months...

If you can, take regular breaks and walk around away from everyone else (I would step away from my computer every hour or so for five minutes - if anyone says something, it's recommended for your health anyways). Earbuds and soothing music if you can. Podcasts too. I like drinking some tea when stressing out at work as well. It's soothing.

Again, this all sort of depends on if you're working retail or in an office, so :/

regardless

 

I was seriously depressed yesterday and it's seeping over to today. I'm feeling clingy and sad. I hate that I let a guy make me feel this way.

 

Thanks . I became discouraged and unmotivated about a month into this job, and my performance suffers because I just can't focus or get things done. Which leads to more and more stress...

 

I feel this. My job is pretty metrics-based, so it gets tough when the job is just so tedious and monotonous that I don't want to do it.

 

Take a breather every hour or however often you need it

 

I try to eat lunch/take breaks outside in the courtyard so I can decompress and it's mainly patients out there and not employees. If I'm in the lunch or break room people are constantly asking me to do shit and it stresses me out to the point where I'm worried that I said no. I'm like can I eat my food in peace people!

 

Yeah I need that half hour away from work , I know bringing my own lunch is more cost effective but I need that break

 

I want to kill everyone involved with Pizza Hut in the Philadelphia area. I interviewed for a specific store, they tried sending me to a totally different store, I was like uh no that store is too far I need to work at this store, they're like ok they'll call you Friday, I called the dude that interviewed me a few minutes ago like uhhhh the store hasn't called me and he's like I'll figure out what's going on so now I'm sitting here like please kill me my anxiety is insane rn

 

Everyone but one* A buddy of mine drives for them.

 

thanks so much, last week was really bad. i appreciate this a ton.