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Jesse Lacey Releases a Statement

Discussion in 'Article Discussion' started by Melody Bot, Nov 11, 2017.

  1. Melody Bot Nov 11, 2017
    Melody Bot

    Your friendly little forum bot. Staff Member

    This article has been imported from chorus.fm for discussion. All of the forum rules still apply.

    Jesse Lacey of Brand New has released a statement regarding recent allegations of sexual misconduct. It can be read in full below.


    In an effort to address recent events and the public conversation currently happening, I feel it is important to make a clear and personal statement.

    The actions of my past have caused pain and harm to a number of people, and I want to say that I am absolutely sorry. I do not stand in defense of myself nor do I forgive myself. I was selfish, narcissistic, and insensitive in my past, and there are a number of people who have had to shoulder the burden of my failures. I apologize for the hurt I have caused, and hope to be able to take the correct actions to earn forgiveness and trust.

    Early on in my life, I developed a dependent and addictive relationship with sex. I was scared of it, ashamed, and unwilling or unable to admit it, and so it grew into a consistent and terrible problem. Years ago, after admitting my habits and cheating to my then soon to be wife, I began to approach my problem in a serious way. I entered professional treatment, both in group therapy and individual counseling, and revealed the realities of what a terrible place I had gotten to in my life, and what a terrible impact my actions had on people.

    Lust, sex, love, and arousal were coping tools for me, and I returned to them repeatedly. I detached my own feelings and emotions from most of my sexual interactions. I hid, or lied about my behavior to escape reproach. I was a habitual cheater. I have been unfaithful in many, if not most of my relationships, including the relationship with my wife, who has with all of her might, patience, and grace, tried to hold our marriage together, despite having to endure the pain of the revelations of my past. It is heart wrenching that the most important changes in my life have come at the expense of others.

    I am sorry for how I have hurt people, mistreated them, lied, and cheated. I am sorry for ignoring the way in which my position, status, and power as a member of a band affected the way people viewed me or their approach to their interactions with me. And I am sorry for how often I have not afforded women the respect, support, or honesty that they deserved, and which is their right. I believe in the equality and autonomy of all, but in my life I have been more of a detriment to these ideals than an advocate.

    I am working to shed all my narcissism and my self obsession, and to be better. In sobriety I have changed my life and my mind in real and important ways. I have also revealed the truth of my behaviors to myself and to others. I do not have words to express the patience and help my wife has offered me. I love my family with an intensity and realness that I have never felt before, and as a husband and a father I have been granted the opportunity to wake up each day with the intent to serve my family and the people around me, and to feel, for the first time that I have purpose.

    The fact remains that none of us get to put a wall up between who we are and who we were. I need to earn forgiveness. Concepts like repentance, compassion, and love, are made real through actions, and it’s through my actions that I need to prove change. I hope I can show humility, and that the pain I have caused people can heal. I am not above reproach, and no one should be.

    Jesse Lacey
    ​

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  2. Bryan Diem Nov 11, 2017
    Bryan Diem

    Trusted

    Comments are already toxic.
     
    beachdude42, fenway89, Turkeylegz and 1 other person like this.
  3. therookielot Nov 11, 2017
    therookielot

    Punk, Absolute Prestigious

    so he didn't do it then right
     
  4. Jason Tate Nov 11, 2017
    Jason Tate

    newsletter is back Staff Member

    BTDandFeelingThis, Former Planets and fenway89 like this.
  5. Remove
  6. Brent Nov 11, 2017
    Brent

    Trusted Prestigious

    Fuck this dude. Band is dead to me.
     
    BTDandFeelingThis likes this.
  7. DooDooBird Nov 11, 2017
    DooDooBird

    Trusted

    Statement sounds like some pretentious nonsense.
     
  8. bestofmoss Nov 11, 2017
    bestofmoss

    Regular

    never have heroes
     
    jlinitz, klaszlogt, beachdude42 and 8 others like this.
  9. Jake Gyllenhaal Nov 11, 2017
    Jake Gyllenhaal

    Wookie of the Year Supporter

    As some have pointed out, he didn’t address the underage girls allegations
     
    Mr. Serotonin, beachdude42, NewSurrender and 10 others like this.
  10. Anna Acosta Nov 11, 2017
    Anna Acosta

    As ever. Moderator

    To type all of that and then skate over that bit...
     
  11. Turkeylegz Nov 11, 2017
    Turkeylegz

    Trusted

    It is a better written statement than most. It still reeks of trying to dodge some issues. I know most of it comes from a legal perspective, but still...

    Also, it is clear he has not made amends to many of the women (young girls) he hurt. Forgiveness comes from the victims first, not the public. Obviously a statement needed to happen, but I wonder how much work he would do to mend the lives of those he hurt if the accusations were not made? Maybe I am assuming but I am pretty hurt by all of this and, admittedly, not thinking straight.
     
    Damien Davies, K_special93 and jackludwick like this.
  12. jackludwick Nov 11, 2017
    jackludwick

    Jack

    I really don't know how I feel about this. On one hand I respect the way he has addressed it and owns up to his mistakes and acknowledges what he did is 100% wrong. But its not a perfect statement, theres no way apologizing for something like this can be a perfect response. Its not my place to say he is forgiven, but I can say, while brand new has been my favorite band for a decade, there will always be a part of their reputation that is now tainted to me; which is doesn't matter. As a white male this isn't about me and how it makes me feel. I hope that this is a genuine apology from a man who lost a lot of peoples respect; including mine.
     
    coleslawed, Damien Davies, SamLevi11 and 3 others like this.
  13. Joe4th Nov 11, 2017
    Joe4th

    Memories are nice, but that's all they are. Prestigious

    It’s worded better than most statements. It’s still fucked. He glosses over everything still. I need time to unpack all of it. I’m still so fucking disappointed.
     
    coleslawed, Stevangelion, DarkHotline and 2 others like this.
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  15. Jason Tate Nov 11, 2017
    Jason Tate

    newsletter is back Staff Member

    Believe women.

    I'm sure I'll have more to say later, but I'm still processing. Might be a while on that.

    But all the "she was lying" people I hope this opens your eyes.
     
    jlinitz, lish, Derek Wright and 42 others like this.
  16. aspeedomodel Nov 11, 2017
    aspeedomodel

    Cautiously pessimistic Prestigious

    Holy shit...
     
  17. therookielot Nov 11, 2017
    therookielot

    Punk, Absolute Prestigious

  18. theagentcoma Nov 11, 2017
    theagentcoma

    yeah good okay Prestigious

    yo fuck this guy
     
    Ken, cosmickid and Dirty Sanchez like this.
  19. heresyourletter Nov 11, 2017
    heresyourletter

    Newbie

    So what’s the appropriate action at this point? Leave the band?
     
  20. Anna Acosta Nov 11, 2017
    Anna Acosta

    As ever. Moderator

    This statement is a brilliant redirection of the narrative, and that's entirely due to the glaring omission. Legal implications or not - this had to be coerced out of him and once he retires, he owes it to the music community to stay gone.
     
    artbynickferran, ChaseTx, beachdude42 and 6 others like this.
  21. DandonTRJ Nov 11, 2017
    DandonTRJ

    ~~~ヾ(＾∇＾ Supporter

    Uses general apologetics and bad acts not raised in the recent allegations against him (cheating) to gloss over the actual inciting incident (abusing a 15-year-old). Makes the statement largely about him rather than the victim, who is never addressed nor directly apologized to. Well-written, likely earnest, but still misses the point (like so many other statements have). You’d think people would start getting it right more often after so many iterations to learn from. Oh well. As always, believe women, and kill your idols.
     
  22. heresyourletter Nov 11, 2017
    heresyourletter

    Newbie

    Should he have to register as a sex offender due to the pedophile actions?
     
  23. Remove
  24. ryan.conde Nov 11, 2017
    ryan.conde

    Who is Ryan? Prestigious

    Trash
     
    Dirty Sanchez likes this.
  25. Clark Nov 11, 2017
    Clark

    @yttebkralc Prestigious

    Fuck. He didn't even address it.
     
    Dirty Sanchez likes this.
  26. ReginaPhilange Nov 11, 2017
    ReginaPhilange

    Trusted Prestigious

    fucked up.
     
    beachdude42, Joe4th and Dirty Sanchez like this.
  27. Craig Ismaili Nov 11, 2017
    Craig Ismaili

    @tgscraig Prestigious

    And not only that, but it acts like all these sexual encounters he says he had because of his addiction were consensual but 15 YEAR OLDS CAN'T GIVE CONSENT
     
    Mr. Serotonin, beachdude42, Spenny and 8 others like this.
  28. Brent Nov 11, 2017
    Brent

    Trusted Prestigious

    Seriously fucked yo over this. I’m at a bar in Orlando, just had an amazing day at sea world w my daughter and wife, excited for Very Merry at Disney World tomorrow. I just can’t process this right now... it’s just so fucking disappointing. I feel so bad for his victim(s).

    It’s disgusting on the FB page right now. I said I want to return all my merchandise and don’t care about a refund and people want to take it from me for free.
     
    Turkeylegz likes this.