Accountability in Music • Page 23

cheating is not victimless

 

really? cause ya'll started a conversation about cheating that only happened because I brought it up. And you argued points that made it quite obvious you didn't read what I was even referring to. Lol

Tyra I don't have a link, Cultdays went on a whole tweetstorm about it and this was like a week ago at this point. I assume though that most of it would be in the reddit thread that I think cwhit posted a page back.

 

I don’t have time to go through pages of a reddit thread to reference the points you’re talking about. And I wasn’t arguing any of those points specifically, just stating that I personally would not call cheating “sexual violence.”

 

essentially her points were that if you lie to someone and say you are single and you are not, it's fucked up because without that lie, that person wouldn't give you consent. It's coercing and getting consent in a slimy way.
I didn't want to try and TLDR because she explains it much better than I do.
and I'm not even saying I'm 100% on the same page, just that she brought up interesting points that I thought were worth talking about, and found it humorous that people were so quick to argue against points that they hadn't even read

 

I’m not even arguing against those points. I’m just not using that term.

 

I don’t think it’s so wild that people disagreed with something that was stated in this thread without reading a thread referenced but not linked?

And you can cheat without lying about your relationship status, so idk about that premise either

 

I know you're not arguing against those points. Because you specifically didn't bother reading the points I was talking about lmfao

 

of course you can, we are speaking about a specific allegation against a specific person though?? it's really absurd to act like we're just talking about cheating in general when we're talking about a very specific incident but no one is bothering to read about that specific incident.

 

Even in the point you just addressed above, I’d still argue against the term. So the point doesn’t matter in regards to that.

 

Maybe that’s the disconnect then, because I thought I had made it fairly clear I was speaking of cheating in generality.

 

I don’t think it’s all that absurd because it wasn’t clear to me that the discussion was centered on a specific allegation. What we’re talking about is really vague when nothing is being linked, and google isn’t helping me out right now either. Apparently the tweets were deleted too? It’s confusing.

 

honestly I don't know how it wasn't clear. the conversation was about Kool AD/Heems which lead to me bringing up the Milo/Busdriver/Kool allegations (because I mistakenly thought they were all brought on by the same person, Kool AD's Ex wife Cultdays) The reddit thread linked has all the information. Were the tweets deleted??? if so that is new information and I can understand the confusion but, overall, I was repeatedly referring to the Milo accusations and it seemed like everyone else was on that page too.
I guess cheating being sexual violence hits a little too close to home for some of you.

 

I understand you were relating your comment to a specific situation, but the point being made was that cheating is a form of sexual violence. The comments made after that were about cheating in generality, based on that claim. And even with the point mentioned above, I still would not label cheating as sexual violence, even if I do not condone lying about not having a significant other.

 

Exactly

 

I’ve been cheated on and emotionally abused and I wouldn’t say cheating is sexual violence unless an std is involved

 

This thread sucks why is everything a battle between ourselves and one upsmanship

 

I've also never cheated on someone and have been cheated on, but yeah, go ahead and assume it hits too close to home for me? What the actual fuck?

 

For real. Clearly there was some confusion and maybe disagreement, but that kind of personal attack was so unnecessary.

 

Not sure why interpreting emotional abuse is hard for folks here. Many get cheated on and feel nothing, move forward without a problem. However, there are some who are devastated...to the point of inflicting violence upon themselves...due to the emotional abuse of being cheated on. That is an example of how emotional abuse can manifest in physical damage.

Put another way...think of how many women we all personally know who have been physically assaulted (sexually or not) but say that they haven't been. Because one person says they are not a victim does not mean they are not a victim by the definition of the word. Should we judge them? Should we make sweeping declarations that because one does not perceive abuse as abuse, that is not the case for others?

 

So it was totally necessary to imply I'm a cheater then?

 

Anyway my entire point originally was just that not all instances of cheating are flat out sexual violence. I never said some aren't.

 

I think what Jake and others are saying (correct me if I’m wrong), is just that it isn’t a black and white issue

 

It's odd because things like sexual abuse and physical violence in relationships often are black and white. I worry that we do a lot of harm by not applying a similarly strict definition to emotional abuse and verbal abuse.

 

No one in this thread (or any thread) should be specifically singled out and attacked. If someone has a problem with you, they can report it to mods or message you directly.

 

I agree it’s black and white if we’re judging whether or not something is right or wrong. The degree of severity however is not black and white imo. I don’t think cheating alone is sexual violence and it shouldn’t be treated as equal to sexual assault.