Accountability in Entertainment • Page 45

My ex cheated on me near the end of our relationship (after actually I broke it off and she somehow got me to come back, weird that one) and even though I know in retrospect it was a ridiculously unhealthy relationship, that has still stuck me and made me a lot more cautious in my current, extremely healthy relationship. Fuck cheaters.

 

Yeah. I've been cheated on in my last two relationships, multiple times and it's affected me a great deal. It's something I still struggle with even being in a great relationship now. The doubt that always creeps in the back of your head really sucks and is something I've constantly struggled with.

 

Yeah that's a good way of looking at it. My parents divorce was where they both cheated and it was so traumatic I can honestly look at my life as pre-divorce and post-divorce and how it changed my life. Never knowing if they were together or not, knowing they were leaving in the middle of the night to have affairs, being introduced to the person they were cheating with etc etc like naw. And then getting in a relationship with an abusive person who cheated and used his own actions as an excuse to not trust me and be controlling (ie I cheated and I think you're going to get revenge and cheat back someday so I have to control everything you do and you are now suffering doubly for my actions). Like it can def get abusive.

 

Yup. This take doesn't always go over well but as a survivor of the worst case scenario, I also argue that it's a form of sexual assault to have unprotected sex with a long term partner if you're doing the same with other people and not telling them... for about a million different reasons. Pathological cheating comes with lying, gaslighting, the previously mentioned possibility of "consensual" sex under coerced or misleading conditions, and as several people in here have mentioned, can demoralize the person it was done to and completely shake/forever alter the way they view trust and relationships. It can also lead to sex being used as a tool of manipulation - if you do something I don't like, I'll stop touching you and start touching someone else. This is your fault for not making me happy.

If that ain't abuse... I don't know what is.

 

I might be a sociopath because my ex cheated on me and it didn’t affect me at all

 

It's not one size fits all, and again - there are a lot of factors to consider.

Not least of which that nothing everything potentially traumatic actually traumatizes people. That's why only 20% of folks get PTSD, even though basically everyone encounters trauma. My brother got cheated on, but bounced back after about a week because he hadn't actually been that invested in the relationship - other folks just don't get fazed by it. But it really depends on a lot of things and you being a sociopath, while not something I can rule out, is by no means the only possibility there.

I'm very glad it didn't affect you, though.

 

How long were you in that relationship? We you in love?

 

Tbh when I got cheated on I didn't care. Which I thought was weird too. It was early ish in the relationship but it was still established even tho he tried to say it wasn't lol. It was mostly the manipulative tactics used afterwards that bothered me but the actual cheating itself I remember feeling like it should've upset me more. I imagine it might upset me more now if I was in a relationship tho. I was rly young then and compartmentalized a lot.

 

I can't say if the cheating itself would've stayed with me this long without the other extreme abusive behaviors, because that's not what my experience was and I don't think there's any value in conjecture. You don't know how it'll be for you until you experience it.

But... honestly, I still feel like it would've been crushing to have someone I was in love with betray me like that. I never externalized it, even when it was happening, because that's not something I'm fond of and I didn't want to add the embarrassment of acknowledging that I was so unsatisfactory as a partner that he had to go elsewhere to the mental pile. (I internalized that particular lie quite readily when I was young.) It was denial city. Now, I just write songs and talk about my feelings on the internet, where it hilariously feels safer to do so than with people IRL.

Anyway, that's why I instinctively side eye folks who say "it was just cheating".

 

If it happened year or even two years in, it would have hurt and I would have gotten over it quickly but it was nearly 10 years in, so it just devastated me.

 

While I still think some people overreact disproportionately to celebrity drama vs sexual harassment allegations, this discussion has given me much to think about that with my life experiences I haven't had to consider. Never really thought about the different ways a person can be potentially abusive in that situation.

 

Tbh, it's understandable. There's really no reason to have thought about it unless you've experienced it - which is why I'm always bringing it up.

 

Regarding my initial reaction, I think another factor is that cheating is so normalized - - systemically. If a married person cheats on their partner, they can get a divorce; it happens all the time with people both famous and not famous. If you accuse someone of sexually harassing you, especially someone in power, you're sol

 

Very true. There's a lot of awful things that humans do to each other that are normalized that shouldn't be - not for the purpose of "finding and punishing the bad people" so much as for the purpose of "it literally doesn't have to be this way and can we just all be kinder to each other jfc" and I think that starts with de-normalizing the behavior. But to do that, we have to talk about it, and... folks don't generally like having that kind of microscope held up to their actions.

Sexual harassment is also normalized, but the understanding is that it's a part of life (primarily for women, but for humans in general) so how dare you say something about it. You're allowed to mention cheating, but you're not supposed to carry on about it or act like it has anything to do with the cheaters character. (Which, again, is situational.)

 

Another thought I had, although maybe a bit off on a tangent: divorce has only become so common because so many men wanted to leave their wives for their mistresses. Of course, I'm facetiously generalizing here, as there are countless other reasons to get divorced that may have nothing to do with cheating, but think about it. It's situational, but in some ways, the existence of divorce benefits men. Which gender has the most to lose if suddenly people were held accountable for rape?

 

I gotta be honest, there are too many generalizations and seemingly random jumping to conclusions without explanation for me to follow that.

 

Sarah internalizing so much stuff that she thought it was okay is sad but also I'm not surprised

 

“I’ve known Louis forever, I’m not making excuses for him, so please don’t take this that way. We are peers. We are equals. When we were kids, and he asked if he could masturbate in front of me, sometimes I’d go, ‘F— yeah I want to see that!’ … It’s not analogous to the other women that are talking about what he did to them. He could offer me nothing. We were only just friends. So sometimes, yeah, I wanted to see it, it was amazing. Sometimes I would say, ‘F—ing no, gross,’ and we got pizza.”

Silverman used the story as part of her explanation for why she believed C.K. didn’t understand the implications of his actions, pointing to his sudden fame and his inability to grapple with the newfound power that came with it.

Excuse me, what Sarah??? i'm just so confused on this entire quote. what a weird story to tell.

 

The only part that I get is him not understanding the implications of his actions, which he clearly does not.

 

PFT doing the lords work on twitter

 

Between the article and the rumors mentioned in the replies... as long as your movies make money you get countless passes in Hollywood

It sounds like working with Bryan Singer has been a mess since long before Bohemian Rhapsody