2023-2024 NFL Season Thread • Page 890

don't like that

 

They should've realized it's not true when they realized their bones ache every day

 

The Phantom Menace taught me that you can feel storms coming in your bones so I think it's a fact

 

this actually looks fuckin good

 

sorry to bring up FOOTBALL but I'm reading a Barnwell article about breakout candidates and in it he stated that Jaquan Brisker led the Bears with 4 sacks last year

He is a safety

 

Brisker I hardly know her

 

A ROOKIE safety lol

 

lol good one Dustin

 

I didn’t win the mega millions FUCK

 

shit I did sucks to suck grimace

 

it's ok me either

 

lemme hold a mega million

 

If I won the mega millions my half-sisters I haven't seen in over a decade would murder me instantly

 

How did you not win isn't getting money by gambling your entire economy

 

If I had won I'd have given you all a cool half a mil

 

we've definitely talked about it before but yeah you absolutely do not tell anyone

 

Dustin i am a human being, I don't have an economy

 

I didn't realize there were still humans, weird

 

big half sister guy over here

 

Saleh don’t got that rizz

 

Aren't they supposed to use your likeness and announce your name? Or does it depend on state? I feel like in MA if you win a decent amount they do announce it and I know I'd be killed immediately

 

Congratulations! You just won millions of dollars in the lottery! That's great.

Now you're fucked.

No really.

You are.

You're fucked.

If you just want to skip the biographical tales of woe of some of the math-tax protagonists, skip on down to the next comment. To see what to do in the event you win the lottery.

You see, it's something of an open secret that winners of obnoxiously large jackpots tend to end up badly with alarming regularity. Not the $1 million dollar winners. But anyone in the nine-figure range is at high risk. Eight-figures? Pretty likely to be screwed. Seven-figures? Yep. Painful. Perhaps this is a consequence of the sample. The demographics of lottery players might be exactly the wrong people to win large sums of money. Or perhaps money is the root of all evil. Either way, you are going to have to be careful. Don't believe me? Consider this:

Large jackpot winners face double digit multiples of probability versus the general population to be the victim of:

1. Homicide (something like 20x more likely)
   
   
2. Drug overdose
   
   
3. Bankruptcy (how's that for irony?)
   
   
4. Kidnapping

And triple digit multiples of probability versus the general population rate to be:

1. Convicted of drunk driving
   
   
2. The victim of Homicide (at the hands of a family member) 120x more likely in this case, ain't love grand?
   
   
3. A defendant in a civil lawsuit
   
   
4. A defendant in felony criminal proceedings

Believe it or not, your biggest enemy if you suddenly become possessed of large sums of money is... you. At least you will have the consolation of meeting your fate by your own hand. But if you can't manage it on your own, don't worry. There are any number of willing participants ready to help you start your vicious downward spiral for you. Mind you, many of these will be "friends," "friendly neighbors," or "family." Often, they won't even have evil intentions. But, as I'm sure you know, that makes little difference in the end. Most aren't evil. Most aren't malicious. Some are. None are good for you.

What's the happiest 5-word sentence you could hear? : AskReddit

 

idk, I remember someone in Jamaica winning a lottery and they accepted their check with a Ghostface mask on lmao

 

Got 2 of them! And I think one checked themselves into a nursing home and the other could be in jail? I'll get a FB message every other year starting with: "dear brother" and ending with "I need money"